


I Didn't Hear You Leave (IDHYL)

by panna_c0tta



Category: Football RPF, Real Person Fiction, Sports RPF, juando, sernando - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Chelsea FC, Cutting, Drinking to Cope, Established Relationship, Excessive Drinking, FC Barcelona, M/M, Real Madrid CF, Relationship Problems, Spain, Suicide Attempt, spain nt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-02
Updated: 2015-02-10
Packaged: 2018-01-10 21:12:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 65,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1164571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panna_c0tta/pseuds/panna_c0tta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the prologue, just to give a background of what is about to be unravelled.</p><p> Spain national team sends out emails to the guys they want to take part in the 2013 Confederations cup.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is set during the Confederations cup of 2013.

 

 

**Prologue**

 

The confederations cup is fast approaching, around the world every nation was getting prepared for this tournament and Spain wasn’t any different. Going back on their records and reviewing every member of the national team for a potential spot on the team they would take to the upcoming confederations cup.

 

The national team officials had looked into their best men and selected a good number but only the best of the best would receive the email, then those you cant make themselves available are allowed to decline, but the chance of that happening is slim.

 

This process of selection and training that goes on during the confederations cup gives them the opportunity to look at the form the guys are in and know who to monitor closely for a call back for the world cup.

 

As much as this helps the officials, it is also an avenue for the guys to get together and bond over memories from the confederations cup leading to the world cup. This is important because when there is harmony, tolerance and understanding between team mates the game is easier and more fun.

 

*

 

Amongst the guys that received the email, are Sergio Ramos and Fernando Torres. On a normal basis it would be news to celebrate between the two team mates but right now they don't want to be anywhere around the training camp.

 

Sergio and Fernando have been going through a rough patch and their relationship has started to suffer. It has become worse to the extent that Fernando Torres might consider declining his email.

 

*

“Hey, I got one too”

 

Juan called from the bed room. Fernando has been spending a lot of time at Juan's place after an uncomfortable event that left him so depressed Juan couldn't afford leaving him by himself, he knows Fernando has come a long way and can handle himself but he cant be too careful. Being his best mate, Juan Knows a couple of things that others don't know.

 

Like Fernando’s medical history, this is not particularly a bundle of joy. From his days as a teenager, he’s suffered from anxiety, panic attacks, and Self harm and once he almost took his life. That’s why sometimes Juan treats him a little differently and is always on the look out for stressors that might trigger a negative respond from Fernando.

 

Football has been one of the things that saved his life. When Fernando was still a teenager in high school, his doctor back in the day suggested they divert his thought, energy and focus into something he’s passionate about.

 

His parents saw to it that he started taking football seriously since he loved it so much. It only took two months of constant play for everyone to notice he had a gift and he started getting reviews from well known teams at such a young age and making friends who are now like family.

 

That’s how Football became his stress relief and compressor, but it never went away. His bad habits were still hunting him but as Fernando grew older he found other ways to manage them by creating new bad habits that wouldn't lead to him harming himself.

 

He started obsessively putting things in order without being completely OCD and there is a thing he does with his sock and shoes which on the surface looks weird, but calms him down and doesn't endanger his well being.

 

But Juan is not ready to take chances, its not that Fernando got a bad review from his coach or read a bad press release. Its far worse than that; Someone he holds close to his heart, above anything else, hurt him really bad and Juan knows it cant be easy on anyone, especially when you are Fernando Torres.

 

“Dint you hear what i said?” Juan comes down the stairs and into the kitchen to where Fernando is sat at the table with his laptop, going through his emails with a coffee mug in hand.

 

“I said i got an email as well, i was called in for the confeds”

 

Juan says excited. Expecting Fernando to reply with the same excited upbeat tone because it’s all they’ve been talking about before the turn of events.How they would make it to the confederations cup and the following year to the World Cups.

 

“Yeah I heard, I was about to reply the message but... am not sure I want to go” Fernando says closing the laptop to look at Juan a little unsure of how Juan would react but he knows it can’t be good.

 

“You know I would support any stupid decision you want to make, but this is the height of your madness... if you miss this, making the World Cup is a long shot”

 

Juan puts it out there raw, not trying to sugar coat it in anyway.

 

“And if i go am not guaranteed a full ride either” Fernando replied Juan sincerely.

 

“Well it’s still a shot, while throw the chance away?”

 

“At what expense...he’s going to be there... how well do i want to perform when I would end up getting fucked over”

 

Fernando finally says what is bugging him. He still hasn’t been able to talk about what happened since that night, although he’s been pretending to be fine, knowing he would be seeing HIM in a few weeks is making him nervous. He is not ready.

 

“At the expense of your career and your happiness; Fernando you can’t stay away from your duty and let your career suffer because you would run into him. you need to stand up for yourself and do what you’ve always wanted to do and not let anyone take that away from you... hopefully we make the team like we always wanted... okay?”

 

Juan doesn't want to talk about it either, he knows what talking about it does to Fernando so he’s giving him time to sort things out from his end first

 

“Okay”

Fernando says looking at Juan as he makes himself a cup of coffee

 

“Am sorry, I really want to go but I don't want things to get worse or awkward”

 

“Am sure everything would be fine, just make the call as i told you too...”

 

Fernando looked a little shocked when Juan said that. So Juan turned to him to make it more direct.

 

“I know you still haven't made the call to Sergio as we agreed. So you can stop pretending now, I know. But If you don't do it by the end of this week, I would call him myself”

 

“Okay, I’ll call him... thanks” Fernando rushed

 

“Yeah sure” Juan waved it off

 

“Just reply the email from the national team and show your gratitude for being chosen then we can go to your place and get some more clothes. As much I love watching you wear my too small pants that look funny on you am sort of running out of clean pants and that’s not funny”

 

Fernando laughed a little at the joke but does as he is told.


	2. Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys that received the email, all arrive at camp

*** Arrival ***

***

"That email was quite something"

 

The email was detailed and very professional; unlike the usual 3 minutes put together they receive every time something big comes up.

 

It even addressed them as Sir and actually had an opening, an official greeting with congratulations and commiserations to those it mattered to on the end of season's achievements in their various clubs.

 

**_"You are to be in Miami on or before Thursday, waiting at the camp where there would be an immediate scheduled meeting with Vincente del Bosque regarding vital information on your travel to Rio and a little about your stay in Miami." It read._ **

****

The last line was strange because they are sort of here to have a little bit of fun as they've done in the past and play a friendly against Ireland and Haiti before the confeds kick off, so why all the hassle?.

 

  
**_"Hope you enjoy your flight._ **   
**_Kind regards_ **   
**_Spain NT"_ **   


 

*

It’s an hour before the said meeting time and a large amount of the team had arrived early. Some already knew where they were sleeping but no suitcase had made it to the hotel rooms so the guys had to drag their suitcases with them as they moved, while others kept them of chairs in the meeting room for safe keeping.

 

Most of the guys were now chatting in an attempt to rekindle old friendships. It’s been a long season and some of the guys hadn't seen each other in a while because hey play in different leagues that hardly crossed parts.

 

"When did they become all polite...”Kind regards” ... Really?" Iker pointed out, mocking the email that he received.

 

Pepe scoffed "I think the person at the front desk is trying to show their funny side"

 

"One would have thought they went soft" Sergio reassures with a smirk contributing to the conversation as he moved around everyone giving each of his friends a bro hug.

 

They all laugh loud thinking of previous emails.

 

"Remember the euro's email?"

 

Gerard choked out between crackles, mirroring the thoughts of his team mates. The group of friends all burst out laughing as he read a line from memory

 

"The Euro trials is in a few days, it wouldn't be a bad gesture if those of you that haven't broken your ankles and still have your knees do something nice like represent your country."

 

"Damn they are cruel" Navas chips in

 

"I swear Del bosque wrote that one"

 

Pepe chimes as the laughter roared drawing attention to their little corner.

 

"Wonder what the deal is that they are being so nice" Cesc throws the question out and got everyone thinking.

 

*

"Hello boys"

 

Del Bosque's voice filled the room, generating peace and quite causing the small groups that had formed in a different corner of the room to gradually came together to form a whole group.

 

"Grab a sit everyone"

 

They do as they are told. Grabbing the closest chair and sitting comfortably.

 

What they find so amazing about their meetings is the setting and scenario. its just the players, their coach and the other officials in charge of the national team.It is never formal or arranged to kiss their asses, It is rather simple and confined.

 

The arrangement makes them feel like a bunch of teenagers in high school preparing for state championships or some league cup. It keeps them grounded, brings them together and reduces the tension. And that's what's good about it.

 

As Del Bosque was about to start addressing his audience, the double doors at the entrance swung open revealing the London boys rushing in.

 

Everyone watched smug faced as the premier league boys walked in hurriedly. It is no longer an unexpected occurrence, as it has become more of a routine. They are always prepared for disturbance in any meeting that involves the boys coming from the UK.

 

They are always the last to arrive for anything; it’s like there is a curse on Heathrow or something.

 

*

The room was not particularly large and majority of the extra sits had been taken over by luggages so the boys that to look a little bit harder to fin an empty spot.

 

Fernando stood and scanned the room for empty chairs but as he was scanning the place, Caesar and Juan were already settling in the only empty sits left. Fernando was forced to stand there confused with frustration creeping into his face because everyone was watching him and he already feels like Del Bosque has an issue with him so distorting his meeting would be an easy excuse to send him home now.

 

Fernando's face turned a deep shade of red as he stood there while everyone sat, he hates being the centre of attention when it’s not necessary because it made people pick on him or make fun of him and he doest like that. With the tension growing on Fernando, his palms started sweating.

 

Some of the guys around Fernando started to snicker because they thought the situation was funny but Fernando was getting more uncomfortable. Juan noticed the stress that has started to creep on Fernando and gestured for Fernando to come over. When Fernando moved closer to Juan, he quickly pulled Fernando into his lap.

 

Fernando sat comfortably and whispered a thank you to Juan. Juan slapped the side of Fernando's butt in reply. Fernando chuckled and then everywhere fell silent as Del bosque commenced his meeting.

 

*

 

The meeting was short but packed with information as Del Bosque was precise and to the point. From now till they arrive in Rio the boys are getting national team wears that they are authorized to wear at all times.

 

No casual clothes allowed when they are in public, they would be put into rotations; division of groups that they would work with, sleep with, eat with and train with but would be shuffled when necessary and nobody is guaranteed a full ride through the tournament until they hear from him again in Rio.

 

Press conferences during the friendly matches should remain about the friendlies - he didn't want the press printing anything that might affect the team or distract focus.

 

"Okay boys... Enjoy your stay and be ready for the match"

 

Del bosque dismissed the meeting and walked away like he dint just download a lot on them.

 

The guys all move according to rotation to find out who their new best friends would be for a couple of days that they would be here till they get shuffled again.

 

"So this is the kind regards?”  
Some of the guys expressed their frustration as they started to shuffle out of the room.

 

“It should have been called rules reading session rather than a meeting” the guys thought aloud to one another as they walked out of the room.

 

The list of things they shouldn't do was very long, it’s more like a do's and don't list but they all acknowledge that its protocol and equally vital.

 

After everyone had said their hello’s and collected their keys, the boys shuffle into groups and move to their assigned buses according to the number on their recently printed rotation list.

 

*

Fernando has been assigned a room with Juan again just like during the Euro Championship, Fate has a way of putting them together.

 

The day had been unpleasantly stressful, all they needed was a lot of rest to relax from the flight but Fernando feels vigilant from all the stress he’s just been put through and every other thing he’s thinking about that has put him on edge and Juan seems to be very vocal.

 

"So have you seen him?" Juan placed the words on the table while he arranged his foot wears.

 

Fernando didn't utter a word. He just shrugged showing no emotion still arranging his socks based on thickness and length, a habit he gained as one of his stress relief to stop other bad habits.

 

“Have you seen Sergio?”

Juan asked him again, sounding more agitated with the expressionless non replies because Fernando is not communicating. He’s been doing this since he received the email, shutting Juan out and Just shutting down.

 

Fernando ignores him this time handling the socks like he would hurt their feeling if placed in the wrong position.

 

"The socks doesn't fucking mind if a bigger one is placed on it. Answer my fucking question" he snapped at Fernando.

 

Juan should know, he's been to the socks drill of how the thinner ones need to be placed separately and the short ones on their own vertically. Juan thinks its stupid and almost crazy but because it’s important to Fernando and Juan knows Fernando does it to distract himself and calm down, he has to respect that because only the people close to him know about these things.

 

Some people tend to clean when they are stressed or having anxiety, others break stuff, some cook, some eat and some indulge in harmful habits. There is a bunch of things people do to deal but Juan understands that Fernando's might look weird to a stranger but he knows its just the same like every other persons and its way better than Fernando’s previous solutions which are more misguided and uncomfortable.

 

Juan feels terrible immediately the words are out of his mouth. The last thing he want to do is hurt Fernando some more, after all this months of him getting himself together.

 

"Off course I've not seen him. You've been with me all day did you see him?"

 

Fernando replied casually still expressionless but a little wounded and Juan finds it very worrying.

 

He always thought that it is better for an individual having issues to show emotion when they are hurt because keeping it inside does something terrible to you, especially when you are Fernando Torres.

 

"Actually I saw him" he answered a little nonchalantly with an attitude to his voice.

 

Fernando was startled but still trying to be in control of the situation

 

"When was this? because I could have swore he missed the meeting with Del Bosque. We were really late to socialize with the other guys but I scanned the room for a good two minutes"

 

Juan now done with unpacking moved his suitcases into the wardrobe

 

"I saw him during the meeting; he sat a few rows behind us to the left giving me the stink eye"

 

"Stink eye? ... What do you mean Juan?"

 

Fernando finally closed the drawer containing the precious socks moving to arrange the multiple Spain NT gears in the wardrobe and drawers for the shorts.

 

"He looked at me really funny, at first I thought it was typical Sergio, his normal jealous behaviour because you were in my lap but no, there was more to it the way he looked at me. I can feel it"

 

Juan flops on his bed still saying 'I can feel it" Fernando rolls his eyes trying to block out the mumble while arranging his kicks based on colour. Yes he is fucking colour co-ordination his shoes.

 

"Yeah right, jealous"

 

Fernando retort's unsure like he is mocking the idea. Basically saying there is no way Sergio is jealous because he was in Juan's lap because that is just sheer stupidity and.

 

"That's if he fucking cares any more"

 

He speaks exasperatedly capturing Juan's attention

 

"What do you mean? Sergio is jealous of anything that is close to you. Even a fucking fly"

 

Juan joked but the joke feels soar. He searched Fernando's face and that's what he's been looking for.

 

"Is plug still a thing?"

 

He looked at Fernando's weekend expression.

 

"I thought you guys sorted everything when you called him" Juan questioned from his pillow

 

Fernando shrugged again "can we not talk about this?"

 

Juan is even more surprised at Fernando now. He had taken his phone and had searched out Sergio's number that night, as he was about to hit the call button Fernando stopped him saying he'll take care of it in the morning. Then Fernando dint make the call and the day they got their emails, Juan had made a deal with him. But he couldn't believe that Fernando lied to his face by the end of the week that he took care of things.

 

"What! Are you saying you haven't fucking told him? You wouldn't let me confront him and you dint make the fucking call? You lied to me"  
Juan is not happy and Fernando knows it.

 

"I did okay!" He breathes " I tried, I called but I just couldn't go through with it am sorry I made you believe I did all this while" Fernando sits on his bed with his face on his palm resting on his thigh.  
“Am really sorry i lied to you, i just couldn't do it”

 

Juan moves to Fernando’s bed his bed; he sits by his team mate slinging an arm on Fernando’s shoulder. He can’t be mad at Fernando for more than two seconds be he knows he needs to learn to stay mad longer.

 

"Its okay, I dint mean to upset you Nando. I just thought it would be best if he knew because it would help him talk about it and stop avoiding you. Maybe it would be easier for you to handle PLUG and understand things better as I thought you already had... Now I know why you've been off this few weeks I really thought...Am sorry"

 

Fernando leans heavily into Juan. Juan kissed the side of his head holding his best mate closer to him.

 

"I just don't want you getting hurt again Nando, it’s been hard watching you struggle and that night messed you up. I mean it and am sorry if it’s too much to confront so soon but I have your best interest at heart... You need to talk to him"

 

Fernando knows there are no lies in Juan's words and he's just trying to help and do the right thing but he is still sort of hurt and scared and doesn't know if he can move on and get past it if he revisited "Plug" because it hurts too much, when ever he revisited it its like its happening again.


	3. Change my memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> training commenced within the training camp and the boys watch the Miami heath game.

***Change My memory*** 

 

***

 

The next morning was brutal, a new rotation list different from the one that was given to them the previous night was dropped in every room.

 

The rotations list posted the previous night had names of all the members of the national team with alphabets ranging from A-D in front of their names. The alphabets represented the four groups that were created.

 

It was understood that groups A and D would be sharing a team bus, while B and C would share and also train together. It is the manifest of the rules the guys were whining about, they are being treated like they are a bunch of kids in boarding school.

 

The only arrangements that they had no clue how it happened was their Sleeping arrangements. It was already decided by the officials, so no body knew the tactical reasons behind the arrangement but it served some people well.

 

*

 

Fernando is training with Juan, being that he is in group A and Juan is in D. they get to Train in the same group and also ride together on the bus. Other people that were in their group are the likes of Pepe, David Villa, Xavi, Pique, and Jordi and some other guys who Fernando dint really speak much to.

 

At the opposite side of the pitch from Fernando’s group was group B and C consisting of Iker, Sergio, Navas, Cesc, Pedro, Caesar, and a couple of new guys. With this strategy of breaking them into smaller groups, their coach can rotate between groups and get a good assessment of his boys.

*

When training commenced they were put in teams of two. Fernando found himself partnered with Pepe who he hadn’t seen since the Euro championship. Pepe is like the ultimate father of the group; he secretly has a soft spot for Fernando and tends to take his side in whatever happens in the team or outside the team. This is mostly because he looked out for Fernando when Fernando first joined the team as a scared teenager.

 

Pepe is an all round good guy and everyone loves and respects him.the only controversy about Pepe is how nothing gets past him. All information whether true or false on anything about anything finds its way to Pepe.

 

"Are you guys fighting again?"

 

Pepe asks Fernando raised brow as he lay on his back, putting himself in position for Fernando to hold his feet to the ground while he starts his 50 sit ups.

 

"What do you me-"

 

"Common Nando, you both are more obvious than a pink sombrero in a white party. By the way if nothing was up you won't be here"

 

Pepe says giving him a knowing look.

 

Pepe is right and he knows it. If there were no strained relationship between Sergio and himself they would be skipping training and putting their energy to good use.

 

They would have been locked in one of the bathroom stalls with their hands down each others shorts with dicks in their hand, while their lips suffocated each other in a brutal kiss.

 

They'll suck on each others tongue licking the familiar wall of the others mouth till they are out of breath.

 

A strong and long kiss with so much want and drive, Kissing for all the times they've been apart, kissing for the now because they have each other and its all that matters and kissing for the future because they never know when they'll see each other again.

 

Then they'll be all sweaty, breathing heavily against each others face as they quicken their hands and cum moaning each others name while they catch their breath telling the other how much they love and have missed them.

 

"No. We aren't fighting. We just haven't spoken in a while. Well we actually aren't speaking to each other." Fernando speaks weakly because he doesn't even know what they are any more or where they stand.

 

They exchange roles and the goal keeper holds the strikers’ feet tight. As he starts his 50 sit ups with a one.

 

“Humnf”

 

“Humnf”

 

Fernando continue to make the sounds as he pushes his upper body up without moving his feet.

 

"You know Nando, you're like my little bro and I will always be here for you. I've noticed you've been happier and am suspecting its because of the recent developments so If this new decision is what you want and Sergio is not taking it well I think I can speak to him and he would accept it."

 

Pepe says the last part like Sergio has no choice, like if he refuses he would have to deal with him.

 

"25"

 

Fernando breathes out. "What are you talking about Pepe?"

 

Fernando has no idea what Pepe is talking about, whatever decision it is that he made is alien to him.

 

"Fernando you know you can explain to me, I know about Plug!"

 

"What?" How did he, who told, what does he actually know” Fernando ‘s brain flips

 

"Rotate" Del Bosque shouts from the corner approaching their group.

 

Fernando finds himself with Gerard before he could ask Pepe exactly what he knows. He just let Gerard hold him down while he continues his sit ups.

 

*

The events of the next few days were easy and cool. Only downside is they had to wear yellow and red with blue everywhere they went and it made it easier for them to be spotted by the fans so they tend to stop every few seconds to take photos or sign an autograph.

 

As an important personality people always have a perception of who you should be and what they expect you to be but there's a time when its tougher to keep the front and please everyone.

 

Sometimes you get into a certain mood which makes taking pictures with fans and signing autographs that you feel honoured to do, become hard work and you feel forced in every sense of the word.  
Thus, you're asked to sign an autograph, you just feel the need to stab the pen through the paper and let out your frustration. That's how Sergio Ramos has been feeling for a while now.

 

But realizing himself that he's not just Sergio Ramos the sevillian, that defender for both Spain and real Madrid, but that he is Spain and a representation of real Madrid, he's a brand, a symbol and a role model that people look up to for inspiration, he knows he needs to avoid any hostile attitude and keep his personal feelings at bay. But that's easier said than done

 

*

The team went sight seeing and shopping earlier that week, its been more of a torture than fun for Sergio because he gets to watch Fernando and Juan get cozy with each other.

 

He never trust friends any more, he knew they were getting too close when Juan started going with Fernando on vacation alone and sometimes he calls Fernando’s house and Juan has to pick up because Fernando can't get to the phone.

 

He’s always known they were too close, although Fernando told him there is nothing to be worried about, sometime he still felt threatened by their relationship and thinking back now he doesn't know how to react to everything he feared becoming a reality before his eyes.

 

He kicks himself for not noticing it earlier that Juan was plotting to steal his boyfriend but he knows now and all he has to do is find a way to tell Fernando that he knows about Plug so he can stop avoiding him out of guilt and they can find a way to deal with this because deep down he knows he wants to.

 

*  
Its already mid-week of their second week in Miami which means that their stay is coming to a close and its finally time for them to watch the big game. The team had finished their friendly matches between Haiti and Ireland but still had a few days of events lined up till they head to Rio de janeiro.

 

The first event was the all awaited Maimi heath game.The Spanish team was invited to watch Miami Heath play and it made them all really glad to step out of their hotel rooms.

 

Sergio's always loved basket ball, it was his backup sport. Growing up a couple of friends had Lacrosse as their backup sport but he was good at basketball almost as good as he was in football, so the game means more to him than to others.  
But his concentration was not on the game, it was 3 rows away to the front.

 

*

Fernando sat 3 rows in front of Sergio, with Juan to his left. Sergio watched Fernando smile and laugh. He could count the times he's seen Fernando smile before his eyes since they arrived at Miami and it’s only when he's with Juan that he's happy.

 

It bugs Sergio that he's not the reason Fernando is happy, but he can't stop staring at that smile. It’s always been his down fall. It is so intriguing and intoxicating how the smile of one man can make every bit of Sergio's body quiver.

 

The wrinkle that forms at the corner of his eyes even when he has the lightest smile, how he sways his head to the side closing his eyes slowly because it’s a genuine smile that comes from the heart.

 

Sergio broke his focus watching Fernando and had no idea about the game on all occasions Navas gave him the elbow to ask what was happening in the game because he dint know squat about basketball and was hopping Sergio could help him get up to speed.

 

Sergio kept watching Fernando; A few times Fernando would lean into Juan who would whisper something to Fernando, who would then look behind and Sergio would stop whatever he was doing and stare back at him. Both eyes filled with tension they just stare and then look away.

 

It continued until Navas caught him staring.

 

"I still don't understand you. You stare at him everywhere and it s obvious its killing you but you won't talk to him"  
Sergio shrugs as Navas spoke still looking at Fernando

 

"After flipping out and ranting about Plug and how it‘s over, here you are wishing he'll comeback to you"  
Sergio dint make a sound, obviously trying to change the topic and wave it off as nothing but Navas caught him well.

 

"Does he know about PLUG?" Navas asked with concern a bit loud causing Juan to turn around.

 

Sergio immediately put a hand over his mouth, holding Navas close to him to stop him from talking. But the way he's holding him tells more story than what is happening. It intended as though they are intertwined like lovers stealing kisses in the dark

 

"Oh my God, you haven't told him have you?" Navas says in a loud whisper.

 

"He needs to know Sergio, because only then can you get answers at least know why, not that I don't already do... I still believe there is more to-"

 

"I don't need answers, it was clear enough and everything since then says am right you were there that night you saw everything"

 

He dismisses Navas as he catches Fernando staring at them with something in his eyes. He searched Fernando's face but finds no answers as Fernando stood up hastily and walks off to the toilet area while the game is still on.

 

"Well, He's leaving...go talk to him now...go" Navas whispered

 

Sergio contemplated going to talk to Fernando to straighten out the silence and this big wall between them but all his doubts shut down when he saw Juan stand up and chase after Fernando.  
Sergio stood up quickly and walked to the male side of the toilets slowly trailing behind.

 

*

Once in the toilet Sergio can hear voices whispering from a stall, and immediately identified them as those of his team mates. He decides to hang around and eavesdrop.

 

"You know I care about you, and won't let anyone hurt you right"  
Sergio hears Juan's voice talking and his eyes grow wide.

 

"I know it’s just" he hears muffled words from Fernando like he's talking and trying to catch his breath. "They are kissing" Sergio's brain interpreted”.

 

"Common Nando am here for you... Am always going to be here for you no matter what happens

“c'mere"

Sergio hears a kissing sound and a huge sigh.

 

He can't believe he actually thought that maybe just maybe... Sergio dashed out of the toilets with blurry eyes and a heaving chest into the streets of Miami...


	4. I Cant Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The situation between Sergio and Fernando gets even more complicated, those closer to them are in cross fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this continues exactly where the previous chapter ends. warning of violence.

 

***I Can't Breathe***

***

It was finally time to head back to their hotel room as the Miami Heat game ended. They spent a few minutes talking to the basket ballers and saying hi to fans that recognised them. When their extra hour was over they all got a text telling them it was time for the buses to leave, that everyone should start heading back because a lot of the guys had disappeared into the streets of Miami.

 

Fernando is instantly frustrated when he discovered that the bus he came with is full and Juan couldn't save him a seat. So he had to ride on the other bus. Sergio's bus. A couple of the other guys had been drinking and totally forgotten about the rules and the arrangements that were given so Fernando was displaced for the night.

 

*

"Hey Fernando"

 

He hears Iker voice call out to him as he poked his head into the bus. Iker was at the very last row in the bus.  
Fernando smiles lazily at Iker returning the half smile and head nod Iker used to wave him over.

 

He squeezed himself through the tight walkway and after so many excuse me's and sorry's because some people just cant put their feet in front of them, he finally got to the back of the bus. He relaxed comfortably by Iker closing his eyes as he rests his head to avoid a conversation and also to relax his mind from the crazy day he’s had.

 

A couple of minutes passed and the bus is still not moving, meanwhile the other bus had left.

 

"Who are we waiting for?" Iker called out to the guys in front a bit worried

.

"Sergio and Navas, I think they got lost somewhere" someone echoed from 7 rows away

 

"Sure they would" Fernando muttered under his breath low enough for Iker not to catch it.

 

"Did anyone try calling them on the phone to know whether they caught a ride on the other bus?"

 

Iker asked again. He is a bit worried, not only because he captains this group but because Sergio is his close buddy and it’s unlike him to do something like this.

 

"Just spoke to Navas they are around the corner" the row 7 guy speaks again

 

*

Few minutes later Sergio is walking into the bus supported by Navas. He is leaning heavily on Navas like he's a source of life but Sergio looks like he's hurt.

 

Fernando almost jumped up to go and hold Sergio and asked what's wrong out of reflex but stopped shot when Sergio smiles sheepishly and slurs " Mi Sol” as he leans his face into Navas and nuzzles his neck. Navas tried to pull him off and he sucks on his ear lobe.

 

"That's gross dude, stop it or I'll dump your ass here" Navas bites out smiling.

 

"Is he alright?" row seven guy asked

 

"Yeah, just had too many to drink. I don't even know how much he had before I found him”

 

Navas answered settling himself and Sergio comfortably by the window. Sergio rolls into him instantaneously, his body half on top of Navas’ speaking sexy words of Spanish.

 

“mi resplandeciente de la mañana el sol” Sergio says trying to kiss Navas but he has a good hold on Sergio keeping him at good distance.

 

"Get a room"

 

The guy sat beside them mocks a drunken Sergio as everyone roared with laughter, while Fernando fights the urge to grab Sergio and kick him in the nut.  
How dare he disrespect him and flaunt in his face. He's the only one Sergio calls that name, Sergio always calls him his bright and morning sun, but good to know he's been replaced and he was right all along.

 

"Typical" is all he manages to breath out as his eyes burned and he struggled to control himself. He managed to clean a little tear before anyone could see but not before Iker saw everything as it happened.

 

*

Immediately the bus came to a halt, Fernando dint wait for any word to be said, he dint even wait for Iker to finish his question, or for the guys in front to clear out. He just bolted out of the bus.

 

As he reached the entrance of the hotel, he found Juan pacing back and forth by the glass doors. Juan only paces when he's worried sick, Fernando instantly feels warmth in his stomach that Juan would wait for him down here and not go up to their room to wait for him and every guard went down as he approached his best mate sobbing.

 

As it says, people only show weakness in the presence of trust. He let's his guard down, the front he's been pulling in the bus to control himself just wiped off as he saw Juan, Knowing he is there for him.

 

When Juan saw Fernando's face, he opened his arms in a hug and holds Fernando still for a few minutes.

 

"Am sorry I couldn't save your sit, some of the guys on the other bus came to ours and before I could say anything or get out the bus was full"

 

Fernando doesn't speak; he nods into Juan's shoulder holding on tight.

 

Juan feels bad that he upset Fernando by letting him go on the other bus alone and he knows Sergio would be there and he probably can't handle the situation alone. But when he see's Sergio and Navas come out of the bus and Sergio all over Navas clinging to him ever so dearly, as they looked like drunken lovers stumbling out of a night club he knew there was more to the story. There was more to Fernando being the way he is.

 

"Come on... Let's go up" Juan forced Fernando to move as the other guys get closer. They've done enough damage already.

 

*

Once they are in the room, Fernando takes off his gear slipping on a pair of sleeping pants that are too short for his tall form he found on Juan’s side of the room and goes straight to Juan’s bed without saying a word. He lay on his side quiet, Juan joins him wrapping his arm around the strikers waist, pulling him close to soothe him.

 

They stayed like that for almost 30 mins without a word. Then Fernando broke the silence;

 

"He was all over him during the Game. He could hardly pay attention and he loves basketball... he paid no attention whatsoever I could tell he was distracted from the start... Did...did you see the way he held him close?"

 

Juan knows, he saw. He was the one that showed him the last supposed intimate situation between Sergio and Navas before Fernando stormed out to let out his pain in the bathroom because he couldn't watch them any more, now Juan feels like its his fault maybe he shouldn't have showed him after all.

 

"And the way he was whispering to him? Like its all he wants to do for the rest of his life "FUCK!"

 

Fernando sounds more hurt than he has since after PLUG.

 

He can't erase the memory of seeing Sergio plastered to Navas while the game was on. They've been together since forever Fernando knows when Sergio has lost all concentration and it was obvious to everyone that Sergio’s concentration was on Navas through out the game. Or so he thought.

 

"Its okay, Fernando... Maybe you shoul-"

 

"They even went to a bar together and Sergio got drunk" he cuts Juan off

 

"Sergio only gets that drunk when he's very excited or very upset..." Fernando let the tears roll.

 

Well he looked happy to me so yeah i say he is pretty excited..." He let out a pained laughter

 

"He couldn't stop kissing his new love on the bus and Navas was pretending like he dint like it. That little shit"

 

"What if nothing happened" Juan tried to lighten the mood and sway Fernando’s thoughts but Fernando instantly extricated himself from Juan's grip and shifted away from him.

 

"How can you say that? Why are you trying to make excuses for Sergio? Were you not there that night at plug? You saw what happened dint you? And they have history, a very twisted one that asshole would milk with any chance." Fernando says slamming Navas

 

Juan feels weak, he was there and he saw what happened. He knows it would be a difficult situation for anyone to try and lie their way out of.

 

"For you to be in a place you shouldn't be, in a country you said you couldn't be in and in that implicating situation"

 

Juan thinks to himself, but he doesn't know why he feels some things don't add up or maybe it’s just that part of him that doesn't want it to be real so that Fernando can be happy again.

 

"You know how Sergio gets when he's drunk!" Fernando continues

 

It is something that Fernando and Sergio have been struggling with and have been working on. Sergio has what some people call a light brain. He can’t handle his liquor. When Sergio is drunk he tend to misbehave and do things he necessarily wouldn't do, like be violent, say the wrong things and be overly affectionate.

 

It had been a scare and almost ended their relationship when they started dating initially, because Sergio’s behaviour when he got drunk is not something Fernando was comfortable with. Although the sex was better Sergio was not really himself.

 

But after a while with Fernando’s help he knew what to drink and what to stay away from and also Fernando made him promise to not have more than a glass of wine or half a pint of beer because Sergio wont give up drinking all together and they’ve been good ever since he got under control.

 

"He gets super horny and weirdly aggressive, almost uncontrollable when he is fucked up and they are rooming together so yeah"

 

Fernando holds his head in his hand biting his lip to hold back tears, imagining the worst possible outcome.

 

He always thought they were doing it ever since started thinking they were together but having it thrown at his face and given the impression that it might happen in the same hotel as he is tonight is much more hurtful to him. He can’t stop imagining how when they get to the room and Sergio would fuck Navas senseless.

 

"He fucking called him "Mi Sol" Fernando thinks aloud as he sobs

 

"Don't think about that, Sergio wouldn't”  
Juan knows exactly where Fernando’s mind is going so he has to try to lighten the situation.

 

“ Even if he was so wasted that he wanted to, Navas is sober enough to not make the same mistake twice and also acknowledge that their next door neighbour is Pepe and he'll get murdered if they disturb him"

 

"Ugh!" Fernando sighs remembering his episode from training their first week

 

"About Pepe, did you tell him anything about plug?"

 

"No! Did anything happen?" Juan looks surprised

 

"Yeah, he thinks he has an idea about plug and I don't know what he was talking about but he seemed to have an idea something went down"

 

"I have no Idea, am sure its nothing. I dint say anything to anyone. Errm, do you want anything before bed?" Juan asks him to end the conversation because the more Fernando talks about it the more he remembers.

 

"No. I just want to sleep here tonight" Fernando motions to Juan's bed

 

"Okay that’s fine.... "

 

As he lay down and Juan gets ready to take a shower, Fernando is grateful he has someone like Juan in his life.

 

"Thank you for being here for me Juan" Fernando says in a whisper as he tries not to think of the turmoil of events that had been thrown at his face and what might be happening in Sergio’s room.

 

***

 

In the other part of the hotel the night is still very young.

 

When they got to the room after so many times of tripping because he couldn't support Sergio on his own, Navas tried to lay Sergio on his bed so he can sleep off the alcohol but Sergio wasn't having it. He had managed to stash alcohol under his bed and quickly reached for it, opened it and starts taking a swing of the "jack Daniels" pulling Navas into him.

 

“Party with me will you” He orders

 

"Are you still drinking...? How did you get that bottle in here...? What is your problem? and stop trying to stick your tongue down my throat" Navas addresses Sergio irritated

 

Sergio ignores all of that but he picks on the last statement

 

"Like you don't want me to; I see the way you look at me, you’ve always wanted me and you still do. I know it, you know it and the entire team knows it"

 

Sergio slurs moving closer to Navas who is keeping a good distance from him because its happened one too many times with no good coming out of it.

 

"You have a habit of sticking your tongue down my throat when you are intoxicated, it’s insulting. Get away from me Sergio, you're drunk" Navas say's a bit rattled, by the way Sergio is acting.

 

"And you like it that i'm drunk so I can finally fuck you again after all these years, isin't that what you want? what you've always wanted?...the last time I only kissed you but I know you wanted more you were hoping I would go as far as I did before"

 

Sergio spit the words in Navas’ face, but he kept moving backwards avoiding eye contact with Sergio because he is hurt and deep down it’s exactly what he desires but he is determined to be a better person. No matter what happens with Sergio he knows he can never have Sergio and Sergio would never look at him or anyone the way he looks at Fernando, he made that clear the first time.

 

"You don't even want me and Fernando to get back together do you?"

 

Sergio questioned looking stupidly serious with his ridiculous question.

 

"Now you're just feeling sorry for yourself and I blame that bottle in your hand because I know you don't mean it"

 

Navas waves it off doing the bro thing, blame it on the alcohol. But Sergio is determined to be a dick tonight.

 

"Like you dint mean it the first night you jumped into my bed?"

 

"Stop It" Nevas barks at him furrowed brow

 

"Begging me to fuck you? Or let you touch my dick? That you don't mind being my dirty little secret as long as we get to be together" Sergio kept talking.

 

"That was a long time ago Sergio, things have changed, even Fernando forgave me" he says quietly avoiding the defenders gaze

 

"Yeah right long time ago my dick..., and I see the way you look at me when am shirtless you still want me" Sergio grabs hold of Navas, encircling him by the waist

 

"I was new on the team and you agreed to let that go and never bring it up again"

 

Navas feels hurt that Sergio would dig up the dark moments of their friendship just because his relationship is in tatters and he is having the worst experience he wants everyone to feel like him. Like SHIT

 

Some people do it to feel good about them selves. When their life is shit and things are awful they condemn other people and make them feel bad to feel better. And it hurts that a trusted friend would bash him with his secrets.

 

"Even if I wanted to be with you ever again, not like this..." Navas spits out angry. Pushing Sergio away from him because he feels like everyone is just nice to Sergio and never calls him out on his bullshit or tell him the truth.

 

"Do you see how fucked up you are? You've been so messed up for months and you know what? Its not because of me or the pressure to perform. NO! It’s because of FERNANDO and his new boy toy."  
Navas says it because he knows it would hit Sergio hard

 

"Shut up!" Sergio glared at him. Navas giving the impression that Fernando was with someone else shocked him like someone hit him with a hammer and branded his chest with a hurt iron.

 

"You just don't want to hear it. Fernando got you so messed up you're acting out like a child you can't even man up and talk to him because you're so heart broken you're throwing low blows at me. That’s Weak man"

 

Upset by his words; Sergio launched towards Navas, grabbed him by the neck with his right hand still holding the bottle of JD in the left hand, he forced Navas against the door with so much force.

 

“FUCKING SHUT UP” Sergio screamed in Navas's face, he lost his balance be cause he was intoxicated and his grip falters causing the bottle of alcohol to find the floor and shaattered around Navas.

 

Navas made a pained sound of anguish like a squirrel being tortured when his head made contact with the bathroom door in their shared room. He falls to the ground with a huge thump making sounds of pain as he mistakenly set his hand upon a huge chunk of glass. Sergio snaps out of it instantaneously when he see’s a stain of crimson red and realised what he’d done.

 

*

 

Fuck what am I doing? Sergio thought to himself looking at Navas as he held the part of his head that made impact with the door not realizing he was bleeding

 

"Am sorry... I'm so sorry... Fuck! what is wrong with me?" he asked himself eyes fixed on Navas’ arm.

 

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU" Navas screams seeing the blood stream down his arm because Sergio was upsetting him before, now he is officially scared.

 

"I don't know, I don't know...I don't fucking know... It’s HIM. I don't want to admit it but its all driving me crazy."

 

Sergio moved away from the mess he created and finds a spot against the wall from where he watched Navas, to have a better look at what he just did.

 

Navas stands up and starts to clean his arm to make sure it wasn't deep and to his delight it wasn't deep at all and would be nothing in a few days, but that does not excuse what Sergio just did to him.

 

Sergio doesn't move, he stays in the corner, hating himself for hurting Navas because he told him the truth and the things he said to him were so hurtful. Navas who’s been there for him, Sergio feels bad that he would hurt Navas or anyone to feel better. He's becoming that person.

 

*

After a while, the same Navas he was about to nail to the wall few minutes ago was the same person holding him close while he cried into his shoulder.

 

"I'm so sorry I said those things...and that”  
Sergio gestured toward his arm where Navas had now put a plaster to cover the wound and his neck where he held him whilst he attacked.

 

“I Can't believe I hurt you. Please forgive me. Am sorry" Sergio says genuinely because he has surprised himself, all the while Fernando had been talking about his drinking and how he needs to stop altogether he never questioned himself till now.

 

"Its okay, just tell me! Did something happen? Because your anger issues flipped RED HOT...am not Fernando. I can’t deal with your mess the way he can” Navas speaks honest because he just can’t tame the beast even though he wants to fuck him.

 

Sergio sniffs as he folds his arms around his knees rocking forward and backwards like a child in an attempt to calm down.

 

"I saw them...I heard Nando and Juan in the Toilet. I was going to confront him as you told me to...you know, to understand where we are in our relationship, because I don't know if he wants to break up or if we are already broken up because he's already sort of dating. But I haven't let myself actually believe that even if I've been saying it” Sergio took a deep breath

 

“But when I got there, they were in the stall kissing and Juan was telling Fernando how he'll never hurt him. Like he's already replaced me; saying things that I say. And I was listening then I heard them kiss so I just you know" he paused. “it was like Plug all over again”

 

He sniffed and wiped tears of his face with the back of his palm.

 

"I found a bar and then I started drinking, I got drunk. So fucking messed up and couldn't find my way. Then you came and found me"

 

Sergio paused again taking a deep breathe

 

"Am sorry Navas, I dint mean to hurt you, Nando is just driving me crazy and I don't know what to do"

 

"its okay, I’ll live. Just don't do that again... I don't think I would be able to be friends with you if you make it a habit of laying your frustration on me like i don't matter and am just a stress relief”  
Navas says with a voice that tells the world that he is hurt, but he is a nice guy and truly cares for his friend.

 

“and I still think you should talk to him Sergio, you haven't spoken a word to each other. Even if he's moved on like you say... you haven't Sergio. You're still madly in love with him and its tearing you apart. Just talk to him” Navas says, encouraging his best mate to face his fears.

 

"I know. I almost did. Whenever I want to talk to him I see them being close and happy and I feel discouraged because that's meant to be us. I miss him so much"  
Sergio says looking at his friend with all sincerity.

 

"Well you should keep trying until you get him alone. If you can't maybe we should seek for other options like talking to Juan for a change"

 

Sergio nods as his eyes begin to drop. The alcohol is finally catching up on him.

 

"Go to sleep and take some aspirin before or you'll have the battle of the bulge in your head in the morning...”

 

Sergio does as he is told. As he crawls into his bed he tries to think of happy thought that would help him sleep and all that comes to mind is Fernando’s smile.


	5. The Beginning of Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the events in Maimi starts to wrap up as the boys would be leaving for Rio soon, but all hell is about to break loose... and a quick flashback into young sernando.

***

Fernando had been a bit nervous coming into today, a whole load of crap had happened in such a short period of time that he couldn't handle. He feels like he is constantly being tested and it bugs him and his patience.

 

He's tried everyday to avoid Sergio and anything that would make him come in contact with him because he doesn't know how much more of Sergio’s erotic displays his heart can handle.

 

Fernando's strategy of avoiding Sergio was a success for 40% of the time as he took to hiding out in the room he shared with Juan when the other guys were guy bonding or whatever they called it; which usually involved going to Pepe's room for some good music and dance session to the popular new Spain National Anthem "PINTAME – BY ELVIS CRESPO" an inside joke that has been going on too long). 

 

Also, going down to the bar few blocks from the hotel, or local restaurant, for drinks and food at any time they wanted because Miami just never sleeps, there is always something happening. 

 

The other 60% was endearing and it made Fernando hurt because he hasn't moved on. He doesn't even understand what he's supposed to move on from or why, everything is just weird. 

 

Fernando doesn't understand why Sergio would hurt him the way he did, he's been nothing other than faithful, loving and patient with Sergio but Sergio took him for granted, he saw his patience as a sign of weakness and broke his heart that night. The night of their Anniversary.

 

But after Fernando's experience at the Miami heath game and the bus ride, he made it clear to Juan that he won't be attending any event that hadn't been made compulsory or authorized by Vincente himself.

 

"Enough is actually enough"... Fernando had said after he'd cooled off from all the drama called his life, because he did not deserve the treatment he was getting from the person that claimed to love him and promised that he would love him forever and never hurt him. 

 

Fernando just couldn't handle it any more and he's more than done with being calm, that he is now ready for a fight. Fernando is not sure what he would do the next time he see's another physical intimacy between Sergio and Navas in his face but he knows he is ready.

 

*  
"I liked it better when it was informal but this, this is like fucking grand gesture" 

 

Fernando says looking at himself in the mirror and running his palms down his suit

 

"This is compulsory, and you know that so you have to attend. It’s something we've done every time as a team. It’s been around since before our time; check out all the black and white photos hung in the archive" Juan’s voice echoes from across the room

 

Fernando knows he can't miss the team photo event, it’s the first step to understanding that the games have started and that he's a part of the team of that year. 

 

"I know I just don't want to create a scene and embarrass myself" 

 

He says nonchalantly as he straighten's out his tie. Fernando tries not to laugh too loud the instant he caught a glimpse of Juan on the mirror struggling with his tie.

 

"What is your problem now? Mind your self!" Juan reprimanded when he caught Fernando snickering.

 

"Should I get you a dickie bow?" Fernando says laughing 

 

"Fuck you" Juan spits, but not hurtfully, more playfully than upset

 

"Come here let me take care of that, you're hopeless. What would you do without me?" Fernando gloats as he sees to it that Juan wont leave their hotel room looking like he just attempted to hand himself

 

"Hmmn I don't know. Not worry all the time" 

 

Fernando rolls his eyes at Juans’ attempts at making a joke and being totally amazing at the same time.

 

"What is it with boys and ties though? Ugh! So hopeless" he mumbles as he makes the loop

 

"You know you're a guy right?" Juan checks to know if Fernando has been body snatched

 

"Duh I own a dick???" Fernando states firmly and Juan instantly burst out laughing at his ownership.

 

"Am just saying in some ways am totally not a boy! And in some ways I am more than a BOY! Let's be real I can tie my tie and most boys can't, always waiting for someone to do it. Also, I keep my shit clean and oh dear lord how messy are boys"

 

Fernando says totally dramatic and Juan is so happy that he got sassy Fernando back.

 

The Fernando that throws sass like its world peace, if you give him shit be ready to pack it. You put him on the bench or scold him be ready to worship his eye roll because this Fernando doesn't dwell on bullshit.

 

He is not timid, not jittery, he is quiet and sweet but you cant walk all over him and Juan has never wanted Navas and Sergio to mess up more in his entire stay in Miami because Fernando might just be able to handle shit.

 

"Well when you put it like that, you're totally a lady" 

 

Juan knows Fernando is a clean freak

 

"But a totally messed up lady who I don't want close to my socks drawer"

 

Juan mocks pulling away from Fernando as he finished tying his tie.

 

"Fuck you" Fernando chase after him laughing when he understood the joke Juan was making

 

*

It is as it’s always been, simple and elegant. The energy in the room was peace giving and calm. Everyone knew eachother and they were like family so they dint hesitate to socialize.

 

It was the Day of the team photo. Which is something that has been done over and over again like a ritual, the team that is representing the country for that year get to take a photo together to mark their participation.

 

The room had two separate sides, and you don't need someone to explain to you before you understood. At the left corner of the room was a podium with a white metal plate against the wall as the background. 

 

Cameras of different sizes were pointed towards the white background, there were three bright lights pointed directly at the podium as if it wasent bright a day enough. 

 

On the other side of the cameras and stands was a row of chairs and mirrors with girls nd boys holding make up brushes and combs.  
The boys would go to hair and make up before gettiing the photo taken because it was that formal.

 

The other side of the room which is separated by a transparent single sheet lace curtain is designed in a cocktail party setting for the after party. There were all sorts to eat and drink.

***

The food looked delicious, there was no way it could be compared to the hotel food they've been having, even though room service is great, when its not presented majestically and made a big deal showing that an effort had been made, it tastes like Dust. 

 

The appetizer buffet was a welcome treat. It'd been set up as a single man's dream, although some of the guys had significant others, they all identified as bachelors and this was their dream.

 

There were Mini gourmet albacore tuna sandwiches, grilled ham and swiss, grilled-cheese sandwiches with brie and apple.  
Chicken gyozas were placed next to a beautifully garnished coconut prawn miang and the tempura salmon with wasabi mayo and radish looked divine. 

 

There were also mini platters of Court Bouillon poached prawns with herbs and citrus pistou, noodles and mini pizza's along the lines of fish tacos and tortillas, everything they've been dreaming off and snuck out a couple of times to get but in baby sizes.

 

There were servers at every corner waiting for the serious stuff to happen so that they can start their own jobs. But you would see that they were excited to be there amongst such important personalities while still being professional.

 

***

You can’t help but notice how nice everyone's cleaned up. There is an edge that goes with an individual when they are all dressed up but there is something about suits.

 

It brings a sort of elegance and grace into a person and makes them more sophisticated, more beautiful and sexier. That's the word.

 

Sergio tried to convince himself that the reason he's stood at a corner of the room watching Fernando lustfully and admiring the charming nature of the Chelsea striker is because he's dressed in a clean Michael Bastian fitted prim suit. 

 

Standing by one of the pillars in the room, all Sergio wanted to do was pull Fernando by the tie and stick his cock in his tightness in the bathroom or somewhere private, just like old times. 

 

He watched as Fernando move his legs and his gluteus maximus flexed, Sergio swallowed hard trying to keep himself from growing a tent in his pants.

 

Sergio's stomach flopped when Fernando smiles in his direction. There was a sparkle in his eyes, a glister in his smile, the smile that always makes Sergio go weak in the knees and the sweet innocence in his eyes just like on their first date the same night he popped the question and asked Fernando if he would be his boyfriend.

 

***

They were a little old fashioned then, Sergio wanted to do something different and special to prove his point and show Fernando just how much he meant to him, everything had to be appropriate and planned because when something is important to you, you don't treat it like any other thing you give a little extra and handle with respect.

 

They were young and full of life. Sergio was the all time bad boy, as his reputation carried. Beautifully talented but he’s as stubborn as they come, the life of the party and the ultimate eye candy. He was popular with their friends, other team mates and the fans. Everyone who met him loved and adored him within seconds of speaking to him.

 

Fernando on the other hand, a quite and smart individual equally talented as he was charming. Then a little lanky and looked too young for his age like he did now but the power in his legs could be spotted from miles away. He had gorgeous legs easy on the eye and full of talent. He had an elegance of carrying the party along by being sincere and effortless and the fans and his team mate loved him.

 

They are two very different individuals who complimented each other like no other. What Sergio lacked Fernando provided and vice versa, but it was difficult to spot what the other was lacking because together there were perfect.

 

It dint take long for them to notice this on their own. How a shy and timid Fernando found his voice with Sergio by his side, or how a very energetic and always partying Sergio learned to control himself and focus his stamina in the right direction with Fernando by his side. 

 

It was amazing how two very different people together are the dream team, how much easier it was for them together than when they are apart. So Sergio decided to do something about it.

 

*

He had this plan that he made up in his head which was suppose to show how special Fernando was to him even though they’ve never had an intimate moment, so Sergio decided that the party that was organised for all the new members of the team was the perfect moment to execute his plan.

 

Sergio had tricked Fernando that he was in his home town to see his Nana and wouldn't make it to their first team party in Milan, but it was all a lie.

 

Sergio had told Pepe and Iker about his master plan. Pepe had said it was an impressive plan coming from such a blocked headed nutter. Because he believed Sergio was incapable of doing something extra for someone else. 

 

Pepe was a big part of the plan. It was agreed that Pepe would send Fernando down town to a local pub called "El nido de amor" to get a particular kind of Rum for him as part of their rookie initiation, Fernando protested going somewhere else because he wasen’t familiar with the place but Pepe had explained that it was cheaper at that particular place and if he tells them who sent him they know exactly what to give him.

 

So, Fernando dint argue much since it was like a routine for Pepe and having Iker chip in to support the whole thing made it plausible.

 

*

When Fernando reached the place he was directed straight to an inside room at the other side of the Bar where he would be attended to, but the more he walked the more he felt like he was in the wrong place.

 

He'd never been here before, the front was a bar and grill but the other side was a formal setting with dinner tables covered in expensive silk sheets, a romantic lighting, expensive wine, formally dressed servers and spacious dinner set stables in large glass cubicles that oozed an essence of love and passion.  
Fernando was already having ideas that Pepe sent him to come and buy drugs because the place is so random for cheap rum.

 

*

When Fernando got closer to the area he was directed to, he caught a sight that shocked him. Sergio all dressed up in suit with a single red rose in his hand standing in one of the glass cubicles in front of a table set for two smiling sheepishly like he just won a trophy while Fernando just stood there and watched with his mouth open in utter confusion.

 

"I thought you were with Nana and couldn't make it" Fernando picked his words as he stepped into the cubicle eyes glued on his best friend.

 

"I was with Nana but am here now" Sergio replied him with a grin that made Fernando’s stomach flop, like a teenage girl from an old movie being wooed by her crush.

 

"Okay so..." Fernando trails off not knowing what to do and also trying so had not to be obvious because he still doesn't know what Sergio is up to.

 

Fernando's behaviour throws Sergio off his game and he starts to mumble 

 

"Errmm... Like I want... I wanted to know if... To find out... You know to ask you if"

 

"I won't marry you though!" 

 

Fernando says rushed and almost terrified. His slim figure quivered in the dark and his hands started to shake. He's seen this in the movie and it always ends with someone getting on one knee with a ring. 

 

Sergio caught that early and moved immediately to Fernando's side and grabbed his hand.

 

"Oh No... No... Not marriage oh God no"  
He looked at Fernando's face 

 

"Not that I won't want to marry you because you'll make a good wife"  
Fernando glared at him even more

 

"I mean partner, but like am not asking you to marry me"  
Sergio was so nervous he could hardly get a sentence out without sounding weird, clumsy or offensive

 

Fernando let out a huge breath that he dint know he was holding as Sergio clarifies.  
"You know with everything" He gestured to the flowers and the waiter and everything

 

“I thought that-" 

 

Fernando looked up and see's Sergio's face drop. He can see the blood being drained as Sergio's face turned white, a colour rarely seen on him. 

 

They've flirted gazillion times before that day and stolen glances when the other is not looking, touched each others hand for no reason, hugged each other for a little longer than necessary on the pitch and off the pitch and almost made out once at a drinking game. But nothing had happened between them to give a hint but Fernando is not oblivious to the world.

 

A friend does not just unnecessarily plot with your other friends to give you a surprise visit in a secluded location that looked So special and arranged like a lot of thought had gone into it because he knew it would make you feel special and happy. Even that on its own is a lot.

 

Fernando immediately grabbed Sergio's hand forcing Sergio to meet his gaze, exposing his ivory set he gave a wide intoxicating smile, the smile captured Sergio and he was smitten once again.

 

"What did you want to ask me?" Fernando says slowly and carefully, counting his words to make sure he doesn't rush him.

 

Sergio squeezed his hand and looked down at his shoes to get composed. He flicked his hair backward as he lifted his head. Sergio used his free hand to remove hair from his face. He used to wear his hair long then. He looked into Fernando's eyes like he can see his soul.

 

"Would you be My Boyfriend?"  
Sergio blurts and everywhere went silent. After two minutes of Fernando not saying anything Sergio felt the need to justify why he wants Fernando, because he really wants him to say yes.

 

"Like... I like you a lot Fernando, you are my best friend and that is one of the best things to ever happen to me. I want be more than a friend to you; I want to be Closer to you Nando, you make me happy and you make me better, I just-"

 

Fernando cuts him off, crushing their lips together without thinking. It was all teeth and very messy but they kissed. Sergio broke the kiss and grinned as Fernando whispered a sweet airy "yes"

 

Sergio pulled Fernando's lanky form into his bulky and muscular frame taking charge once again. He felt the warmth of the strikers’ skin in a prolonged embrace before pulling away to look him directly in the eye.  
Sergio thought it would be great to seal it with a memorable first kiss of their just beginning relationship.

 

Sergio slid one hand around Fernando's waist, encircling him in a hug as his right hand roved free to Fernando's lips. Sergio ran the pad of his thumb around Fernando’s lips twice, before slightly pulling Fernando's lips down exposing his teeth, Sergio instantaneously replaced his thumb with his lips, sucking in Fernando’s lip while still resting his palm on Fernando’s face.

 

Fernando had moaned low and satisfied like he enjoyed the way Sergio licked and sucked at him but also wanted to show Sergio that he is not just saying yes to a proposal but he also wants him. So he opened his mouth slightly encouraging Sergio to slip in his tongue, Fernando wasted no time to start sucking on Sergio’s tongue as he grabbed the defenders head with both hands encouraging Sergio to tighten his grip on Fernando’s waist. 

 

“wow thanks” Sergio says as they pull apart to catch their breath because the kiss was amazing and he expected a less enthusiastic reply

 

"Am so glad you said yes Nando, I've been thinking about this moment since the first day we trained together" 

 

Fernando bit his lips as he blushed like a crazy school girl with his eyes glued to Sergio’s puffy lips.

 

"I promise you'll never regret this Nando, I'll never Hurt you" Sergio says to his BOYFRIEND because he had no intention of causing him any pain

 

"Neither would I" Fernando says firmly as he let Sergio kiss him one last time before they had their first date. 

 

They said those things to each other as naive teenagers who were madly in love but didn't know it at the time. But the whole relationship they’ve had since then till now was built on those little words they said to each other and they’ve always stood by it.

 

***

Sergio stood all stares watching as Fernando starts walking towards him with the same smile plastered on his face. Sergio suddenly feels hot and sweaty but as he was about to do like in the movies where you meet the other person half way, Fernando quickly dash past him. Sergio turned and realized Fernando wasn't smiling at him after all. 

 

Iker, Pepe, Juan and Navas were few inches behind where Sergio was standing by the pillar and he was obviously smiling at them because they all had the same grin plastered on their faces. 

 

Sergio watched as Fernando grins making a statement to the group as Juan adjusts Pepe's tie because it looked bad, but everyone seemed to be laughing at Juan instead.

 

Sergio instantly feels the need to join the group rather than just stand beside them. 

 

*

When Sergio joined the group, Iker gave him a bro hug 

 

"Hey"

 

He turns to Navas and they exchange greeting. Juan waves him "hey “ with a half smile and turned his attention away quickly, no hard feelings.

 

Sergio smiles as HIM and says "Hey Fernando" expectantly but Fernando ignores him like no one spoke a word and finishes his statement to Pepe with a smile on his face

"I say dickie bow" and everyone laugh and Juan goes to straighten up Pepe’s tie again

 

Sergio tries to keep smiling even though he's dying inside 

 

"Hey, you're looking sharp" Sergio says to Pepe finally

 

"Just like a penguin eh?"

 

Everyone laughed at the statement because they all really look like cute penguins especially the lads that dint do much for height.

 

Sergio had meant his compliments, Pepe did look good in his suit but Pepe being Pepe had to make a joke about everything.

 

"So what were we talking about?" Sergio asked still staring at Fernando

 

"Queens and Ties, apparently am hosting my own drag show" Pepe says amused by his own statement "by the way your tie looks like shit, who did them for you"

 

"Did it myself" Sergio replies a bit embarrassed because his tie did look a mess.

 

"i can see that, with the amount of hair products and shoes you own one would think tying ties would be one of your expertise, well ask Juan to fix you up maybe he would get it right this time, he looks nice but asked him to fix me up and he almost choked me" Pepe mocks and everyone snickers and Sergio understand what the conversation was about.

 

Sergio takes one glance at Juans’ neck and he knows its Fernando who did it.

 

"I would ask him, but he dint do that him self. That's how Nando does it" 

 

Sergio says expectantly, hoping for a reply from Fernando but Fernando kept smiling but not to him and strongly avoiding his gaze. 

 

It is obvious that Sergio is trying to get Fernando to speak to him because he misses him and he wants to know what's going on between them and how they can fix it because he is tired of fighting.

 

"Make your Way to the Podium its time to take the photos."

 

The photographers’ voice echoed from the speakers as his boys arrange the set for the footballers to take position.

 

"Excuse me" Fernando says politely to Sergio and still smiling as he walked away towards the podium mixing up with David, Gerard and Xavi.

 

"This photo better look great! Because my balls are screaming for air in these pants"

 

Pepe says as he moved slowly with Iker to the podium. He had fitted the suit three times before today and everytime it was fine, but today he feels like the pants are tighter than usual.

 

"Am sure you'll be fine if you don't drink any wine and keep away from the food.

 

"I better prepare for doom because I plan on drinking a keg"

 

*

The photo shoot was good, it had gone smoothly, although there were little disturbances of the guys mocking about and making jokes at each other thus, making a bad picture but after a few more takes it was a wrap and the party was in full swing.

 

Iker had been watching Fernando and Sergio all day and if he wasn't seeing it before it was clear now. They both yearned for each other; the want in their eyes when they look at each other is fiery with great intensification, but none would take a leap. Sergio had made a push but that's not enough, his efforts do not match the intensity behind his eyes. And Fernando just looked angry like a ticking time bomb waiting to detonate. 

 

It’s not that Pepe Reina is a gossip; it’s just that you can't get anything past him. There is nothing that has happened that he doesn't have an idea about even though his stories might not be a hundred percent, and some might be rumors? He's like an information tapper sometimes he's on his own and the boys just come to him and starts running their mouths.

 

Iker decided it’s wise to speak to Pepe because he'll get information quicker and the whispering and side talks would be controlled.

 

"That reminds me Pepe, I want to ask you about something"  
Pepe's eyes sparkle and hiss ears perk up.

 

"Huh? Ask away"

 

Iker smiles "it’s about Sergio and Fernando, I don't know what's going on with them but it looks bad"

 

"Oh!" Pepe says like its old news.

 

"Love story never told. Sergio should let poor Fernando have his happiness if the long distance is not working for him"

 

"What?" Iker looked more confused than he intended.

 

"Well I don't know, I already told Fernando he has my support. I heard from some of the guys that Fernando and Sergio have been struggling with long distance for a while. It was good and helpful for a while but recently it’s been getting harder for their relationship especially for Fernando.  
The phone calls were not enough for Fernando, He wanted Sergio to be there for him but Sergio wouldn't even when he could"

 

Pepe stopped talking as a waiter walks past with champagne. He hails the boy over taking two glasses and whispering to the boy about sending the other server handing out pastries towards his drirection.  
Iker rolls his eyes still smilling as pepe saw to it that his stomach is taken care off.

 

"Yeah...so, basically, the whole story is that Fernando got fed up and started seeing Juan, a relationship he dint hide from Sergio basically sending a message that they are over. But Sergio wouldn't respect Fernando's decision to break up. Fernando is happy with Juan but Sergio doesn't like it and is trying to spoil things"

 

Ikers eyes looked bulging like he’d seen a ghost. He dint expect all of this kind of issues "You said wouldn't when he could?"

 

"Yeah I don't know. Its plug... Some club in London. Sergio had made it clear to Fernando that he couldn't be in London to be with him for the weekend, so Juan took him out to a club only for Fernando to see Sergio in the club in London with some other guy. So the bottom line is Sergio was cheating and dint expect Fernando to be in the same club"

 

Pepe takes a sip of his wine "Like I see Fernando is happy with Juan and I am okay with that, because our boy deserves cheering up! He's been through a lot and Sergio is just like a bull in a china shop...if he's not ready to calm down he shouldnt mess things up" pepe says with genuine concern for fernando

 

"So fernando caught sergio cheating? And they are broken up for good? But something doesn't sit right" Iker blurts

 

Iker thinks back to Fernando seeing Sergio and Navas that night in the bus and saying "typical", that adds up a little because it was a compromising position maybe it reminded him of what he Saw in this club called plug. Its either Fernando hasn't moved on or he was just hurt.

 

And Sergio in the meeting room on their first night here during the meeting with Del Bosque, the moment Fernando walked into the room you could see on Sergio’s face that he was excited to see Fernando but there was also this sadness that clouded his expression later like he’s not allowed to be happy about that because it would do him no good. 

 

Then there was the assassin look when Fernando and Juan were sharing a sit. He looked like he could stab Juan with a knife, maybe he was just feeling guilty or maybe he's sorry and wants Fernando back that's why he was jealous but that look was pretty intense sitting close to him he could almost feel the rage from Sergio on his skin.

 

"What do you mean something is not right?" Pepe's draws iker's attention

 

"If they are over and Fernando has moved on, Fernando shouldn't still be jealous, well break up is hard! And also like even Sergio is hurt, he acts like he's the one that got hurt and not the other way round but maybe he feels guilty and he really doesn't want it to be over like you said.” 

 

After a slight pause he continues “I honestly don't know." Iker says he just don't understand the situation, it looks like there is more to it but when he tries to analyse it everything sort of adds up which is not helping him get to the bottom of this.

 

"That sounds really complicated, I think you should speak to Sergio or Nando maybe they'll talk" pepe advices

 

"Fernando doesn't want to speak to anyone and Sergio has been avoiding me" 

 

“Sergio can’t avoid you for long, just give him time he would come running to his big brother” Pepe reassures Iker as he moved to rejoin the party.

 

*

"You... come here"

 

Iker called Navas giving him a serious look so he can psyche him out.

 

"What's going on with Fernando and Sergio?"

 

"I don't know" he stutters

 

"You don't have to lie to me, Sergio would tell me anyway but I just want to figure out how to help him before its too late, he doesn't look good"

 

Navas sighs like he's about to give away someone else's child 

 

"I don't know Iker, Sergio would be pissed at me and I can't handle that again believe me I've had enough?

 

Iker looked at him weird but chose to ignore his comment. he knows how Sergio can get when he's mad but his priority now is Fernando.

 

"I know about plug okay? I just need to piece things together"

 

Navas shocked in surprise

 

"Iker put his hand around Navas' shoulder and pulled him for a walk

 

"Just tell me all I need to know"

 

Navas thinks for a bit then he starts to spill

 

"So, Fernando and Sergio had a fight that week because Sergio couldn't make it to London as he was supposed to. Last minute Sergio called me that we were going to London to see Fernando after he made it clear to Fernando he wouldn’t show up”

 

Iker can’t help but feel like this had happened before, then he remembers “El Nido De Amor”

 

“I was going to book tickets but he already did. Apparently he booked the tickets three weeks before and was pretending.

 

He had an insider giving him tabs on Fernando's whereabouts, so we were told to go to a club called plug but when Sergio and I got there Sergio caught Fernando and Juan kissing at the bar holding on to each other and Sergio got mad and started drinking, later we left and they haven't spoken since”

 

"So Sergio dint cheat?"

 

"Cheat? No Fernando did" Navas looked really confused

 

"And they are not broken up?" Iker throws another question

 

"No, at least they haven't made it official, you can speculate but they dint break up, they just stopped talking to each other”

 

"So did Sergio get close and personal with anybody that night?" Iker keeps asking because everything is coming up clean

 

"No he was by my side all night" Navas says with so much confidence

 

"So you were the only guy that Sergio stayed close to that night?"

 

"Yes he was with me till we left" Navas says again

 

"Shit" Iker blurts he knows the question he wants to ask but he choose not to.

 

"Are you sure Fernando was kissing Juan?" He tries to understand the other side of the problem

 

"Yeah" 

 

"Are you sure? Maybe it was dark, think again" Iker keeps trying to get something, anything.

 

"Yeah, well it looked like it. Their faces were together and Juan held him really tight, extra tight something was definitely up"

 

"And you said Sergio was drinking? Was he drunk?" Iker continues his detective activity

 

"Yeah" Navas nods

 

"Like on the bus the other day kind of drunk?" iker pushes

 

"Yes just like that I had to drag him back to the hotel" 

 

Iker thinks to himself that everything just got messier. He thought he was getting a hang of it but how wrong was he.

 

*

in the midst of the party where everyone was swaying to the music and singing along as it played:  
Pintame, le dije yo al pintor,  
Pintame la carita,  
De la niña mas bonita,  
Dentro de mi corazón 

 

Juan had managed to get his jewellery stuck on his button trying to dance and it was very uncomfortable for him so Fernando gets to take care of him again. Juan had loosened the tie earlier and the jewellery found the button at the top of his shirt.

 

"Why are you wearing a necklace? And am not fixing that tie" Fernando tells Juan

 

"I don't know? I like the necklace" he answers

 

"I can't get it untangled, my fingers are too big I'll have to use my teeth...come”

 

Juan followed Fernando to the bathroom so Fernando can help him get comfortable; When they got to the toilet, Fernando starts to find away to untangle the jewellery from the button.  
“pull your neck backwards a little bit" Juan does as he's told and Fernando sinks using his teeth to help sort Juan out.

 

The door to the toilet squeaks open and Navas stops immediately he see's the compromising position that Fernando and Juan were in.

 

"Sorry, excuse me" 

 

He says and tries to bolt off but not before Fernando decided his madness starts here.

 

"Actually, No You can't be excused" Navas stopped moving and stopped to face them.

 

Now finished with helping Juan, Fernando faced Navas.

 

"Why sorry? Why should I excuse you? Isin’t the room big enough for your backstabbing self to find a spot and do your business?"

 

"What? No. I just" Navas dint know how to explain himself

 

"You just what? Feel so Guilty my presence is killing you?"

 

Fernando spits out moving closer to Navas

 

"I have no idea what you're talking about"

 

Navas defends already terrified, because he doesn't understand what he did wrong and Fernando is two inches away from his face raging Mad!

 

“off course you don't, How does it feel?" Fernando asked him 

 

"What? Navas replies moving back

 

"The life of utter betrayal and deceit, you pretending slut... I should have seen it coming but no; I was so fucking BLIND believing you could change" 

 

“But but I dint do anything I swear” Navas shuddered terrified

 

“Fucking Shut up! I saw you” Fernando barks at Navas moving even closer to him

 

Juan comes to Nando's side to stop him from doing anything he'll regret when the door suddenly opens.

 

Sergio walks in and he just looked at everyone. Navas is plastered to the wall looking pale and scared to death. Juan is playing defiance and Fernando is just angry.

 

"What's going on here Sergio screamed at Navas" obviously thinking Navas confronted Fernando behind his back

 

"I...I don't know..." Navas shrugs "ask him" Navas says moving closer to Sergio for protection.

 

"Awww Isin't this cute..." Fernando says sarcastically at Navas and Sergio.

 

"What's wrong? What happened?" Sergio asked Fernando 

 

"I don't fucking have time for this" he says as he takes one look at Sergio

 

Fernando tries to moves away to go out the door but Sergio grabs his hand and stops him from moving. The contact sends shivers down Fernando's spine and he stopped. He doesn't turn but doesn't take away his hand either 

 

"Why'd you do it? Why'd you fucking do it? Is this your way to pay me back for everything we've been through together?" Sergio finally opens his mouth and speaks to Fernando.

 

"Wow! You are so full of shit" That Part of Fernando’s heart that yearns for Sergio and can never stop loving him was wishing and hoping that Sergio would apologise or say something that would make his wounds heal a little. But Sergio opened his mouth and the knives of accusation come stabbing at him.

 

Fernando angrily pulls his hand away from Sergio and storms of the toilet. But Sergio, Juan and Navas ran after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been away for a while, i've had a lot going on, hopefully i will be able to continue in a good pace. I want to thank those that are still reading and sending FEEDBACK even though majority are anon, THANK YOU it helps alot.
> 
> I still don't know how many chapters its going to be but as soon as I know I'll put it up.


	6. PLUG 26/05/2013 pt1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a flashback into the events that lead to the present day situation. Plug finally Unravels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully this gives an insight to why Juan is the way he is with Fernando being over protective and all and why he is cold towards Sergio.

 

**PLUG 26/05/2013**   
**PART 1**   
**FERNANDO AND JUAN POV**

 

**"For you to be in a place you shouldn't be, in a country you said you couldn't be in and in that implicating situation"**

 

*

 

"But it’s important to me Sergio, I want you here" Fernando said into the phone bewildered not knowing what else to say.

 

"Nando am sorry. I’m not free to travel this weekend, maybe the week after that" Sergio's voice sounded solid like he doesn't care.

 

"But you know how much effort I've put into this I've been planning for a while" Fernando replied without being hesitant

 

"sorry babe I know. It’s important to me too but i am really busy. Can’t be in London this weekend" Sergio’s tone sounded the same as it did before

 

"But I want you here!" Fernando said into the phone with an increased amount of irritation.

 

"Don't sound that way, I really tried to make it possible but my schedule doesn't look good we can do something later okay?"

 

“No it’s not okay” Fernando answered Sergio broken hearted.

 

“How Can you say that Sergio, what is more important than us?... “Tried to make it possible?” He quoted Sergio agitated

 

“When did we start trying? We don't try Sergio we just do. Or should I say I always do” Fernando said those words because he’s been feeling like all he does is give and Sergio just takes and doesn't care to return the favour

 

“Baby, i don't like it when you say things like that you know how much i love you and would do anything for you but right now i just can’t be with you”

Fernando goes quiet on the other end of the line because he doesn't know what else to do.

 

“I Love you" Sergio calls out when Fernando still didn't speak and ends the call.

 

*

 

It’s their anniversary in three days, nothing is working out the way they planned and it’s driving Fernando crazy. He wants to make this special and make a big deal but fate really is being a bitch.

 

The initial plan was to go back to **_"El nido de amor"_** the place they had their first date and first kiss when Sergio surprised him with the best date of his life.

 

It had been a good idea at the time and Sergio was in on it and very excited to do it, but when Fernando actually decided to go and view the place and make reservations there had been complications.

 

 ** _"El nido de amor"_** no longer existed. The restaurant that had run for years had shut down early in the year.

 

The place was taken over and was under new management, the new owners converted the whole thing into a private residential complex.

 

You could still see some old areas of the restaurant in the building like the pool, side walks and pavements that could be recognized but Fernando decided it would be awkward knocking at someone's home and asking to use it for your personal business.

 

After much lamentation and panic Fernando finally received a call that he was able to secure reservation at "Fino"; a high end restaurant in London fit for their anniversary, but the shocker was when Sergio canceled on him like it didn't matter.

 

He had to go through all that trouble just so they can be together but Sergio dint seem to care.

 

*

"He canceled on me. He said there is no way he could make it. Guess am not important" Fernando rests his case to his best mate

 

“Apparently we’ve gotten to that point in our relationship where we “TRY” to be there for each other. I feel so fucking stupid” Fernando with a sad chuckle at the end of his statement

 

"Am sure whatever is keeping Sergio from being with you must be important, it’s his anniversary too remember?"

 

Juan tries to sound as positive as possible knowing his best friend has a tendency to over think things.

 

"I know but I still can't believe Sergio wouldn't drop everything to come be with me, you know I would, no matter how important it is. And it’s making me think that what if he doesn't love me as much as I love him" he put the phone on speaker and lay on his back across the sofa starring into the ceiling.

 

"Oh common Nando I know where this is going. There is no way Sergio is seeing someone else you're over thinking it"

 

"I don't know. He's never canceled on me before except for that time before we started dating and it was all a fake but this..." Fernando paused "I don't know" he trails off still staring into the thing air while thoughts of different kinds take over his sanity.

 

"You know what? Why don't I be your date for 26th, I'll take you out to dinner.” Juan says over the phone casually but with so much care in his voice.

 

The words coming from the phone gets Fernando’s attention. He sat up suddenly, grabbed his phone, removed it from speaker and pressed it against his ear.

 

“But you have a thing you wanted to do on that day?” Fernando tried to protest “I don't want you missing an important event because my boyfriend bailed on me, i can manage”

 

“It’s alright, am not obligated to be there anyway, and no one should be alone on their anniversary. Besides, it would be a shame to waste all that money you spent booking that place. And after dinner I would take you to a nice club so you dance out your frustration"

 

Fernando laughed into the phone.  
"Okay, that sounds like fun can’t remember the last time i went dancing"

 

Fernando ended the call with a huge smile on his face. He won’t be alone after all and he would still celebrate whatever there was to celebrate.

 

*

Their anniversary finally rolled around. Although Fernando had activities lined up, not having Sergio with him made most of the day a bust and a terrible roller Coaster. But it was great to have Juan there to pull him back a bit and tell him its okay to have fun without Sergio.

 

They went to "Fino" earlier and had the amazing meals Fernando was suppose to share with Sergio. It wasn't awkward at all except for that one time when the individual handling his reservation details said congratulations to Juan on his anniversary.

 

But what Fernando was looking forward to was this famous underground club called _**"PLUG"**_.

 

*

"Wow! This place is amazing how come I've never been here"

 

Fernando exclaimed looking around the so called plug before his brain registered that he is in a gay bar, the mother of all gay bars.

 

It was obvious how excited and amazed Fernando was from the size of his eyes when he continued to look around like a novice ready to explore.He dint know a club could have so many sections and every one of those sections had a different theme with a different music playing.

 

The first room Fernando wandered into is a large room with two large bar stands made up of glowing lights at all edges, which gave the room a bioluminescence effect. It also had a jive drive and a calmer atmosphere.

 

There were few people dancing and others just hanging around but it wasn't crowded. Fernando observed that the people in this area were mostly drinking and chatting to each other but they dint seem like they’ve known each other long. Its almost like the outer room where you come and look at the person you've been dancing with in good lighting to make sure the lights dint play on your vision and then exchange phone numbers or just suck their faces.

 

There was another room that was twice the size of this room and it was crowded to the max. There were sweaty bodies everywhere, bumping into each other but no one cared all they wanted to do was have fun.

 

There were different kinds of props and people wearing costumes that depicted some sort of good and evil theme because they mostly wore black and white and he started wandering because halloween is not even close.

 

There were little stages at every corner with the hottest gogo dancers Fernando's ever seen or the only he's seen up close wearing some amazing costumes dancing in the most enticing way and Fernando was intrigued.

 

His curiosity was put to rest when Juan explained to him that today was “the battle of the angels” a theme where people can either choose to be an angel of darkness or an angel of light.

 

There was this one gogo dancer in an angel of light costume that Fernando couldn't stop looking at. He was locked away in a cage but was getting the most attention, people couldn't touch him but those interested were throwing crumpled money into his tiny cage while he danced and moved his hips in a seductive manner. The whole scenery fascinated Fernando he kept looking in amusement.

 

It was everything a club should be. It was everything he needed. Just like this imaginary world where weird things happen but its still fun and entertaining, With different kinds of people having their fun and dancing the way they know how to, even if it doesn't follow the music.

 

Curious, Fernando found another room. The third room had more of a sexy pill to it. It’s filled with all the drunken people who are horny as hell and can't stop groping at each other. Its also got comfortable surfaces like large couches and high tables where inappropriate dry humping and groping can take place. Fernando gave Juan a “is this place for real” look. Because he’s never seen a place more fun.

 

The lighting in this room was very deem and of a boring colour mixture made to give people the comfort of being hidden, you could hardly see who it was except you really knew who they were or the neon lights spin to their faces.

 

The room was created to play on the mind, “what would you do if you were in the dark and no one saw you and no was knew who you were” Fernando saw a quote written in glow in the dark body paint on the wall and he grins to himself. All he could think was that Sergio would love it here.

 

Fernando was beginning to notice that the place was bigger than he initially thought and there were some rooms he hadn't surveys when he got distracted by a very firm hand on his bottom and he flipped out almost hitting the person but stopped himself in time.

 

"Oh honey you’re so uptight, I take it you've never been plugged"

 

Some drag queen says to Fernando after she squeezed his butt

 

"Excuse me?" Is all Fernando could say with the most irritated look he could muster.

 

The drag queen turned to Juan who was snickering behind Fernando

 

"Your man is a total eye candy but he's too uptight you need to let him loose or you're not getting any" the drag queen points to the bar and winks at Juan misunderstanding again just like the guy at the restaurant.

 

"By the way it’s Neon Pebbles" and she walks away smiling

 

"Thanks I will Neon pebbles" following orders Juan pulls Fernando to go get drinks just so he can loosen up and enjoy himself”

 

“Who calls themselves neon pebbles?" Fernando says allowing Juan drag him to the bar

 

*

After a few rounds of Vodka Fernando starts talking but this time a bit intoxicated.

 

"What did he... She mean about being plugged?" Fernando says self conscious which makes Juan laugh.

 

"Nothing serious, she's just pointing out that you are a "plug" virgin, you are so uptight any one can tell it’s your first time here"

 

"I just don't like people groping me" Fernando defends

 

"No..." Juan instigates

 

"you are just thinking about your anniversary, a little grope never harmed nobody" Juan says winking at Fernando

 

"By the way, I heard your little chit chat about getting a piece of this"  
Fernando gestures to his body and leans closer to Juan's lips

 

"Not happening" he says laughing

 

"Fucking tease" Juan slurs

 

"Well, am not that into you or I'll totally take advantage of you because you are stupidly drunk.

 

"Aww how romantic" Fernando commends

 

They both laugh at their joke and Fernando more than necessary because he's drunk so Juan asks one of the guys at the bar for a glass of tap water and ice. He helps Fernando down the glass and led him to an area to sit for a bit.

 

"Wrong table" Juan thinks to himself when he see's what they sat close to. "An engagement"

 

The guy next to Fernando was telling another guy that he loves him and he's been in love with him since high school and when he accepted to date him his world became complete and now he wants to be close to him forever and always be with him, they just started kissing from there and everyone went "awwwwwwwwwww"

 

Juan looked at Fernando's face and he's all blurry eyed.  
"What now?"

 

"He dint even call to say happy anniversary, or tell me he loved me or a text message nothing" Fernando stood up walking back to the bar

 

"Am sorry Nando, I really am. Did you try to call him?"

 

"No I just can't speak to him right now. I can't believe he forgot, I can't believe Sergio would do this." Fernando breaks down but not to the point of drawing attention to him self.

 

Fernando was beginning to accept the fact that Sergio wouldn't be with him for their anniversary but it hurts more now. Acknowledging the reality of his situation that Sergio had a choice but chose to be away from him and that Sergio haven't called him at all today to wish him a happy anniversary like they hadn't spent almost a decade as a couple.

 

"Hey look at me"  
Juan puts both hands on Fernando's face few inches away from his, whipping tears of Fernando’s face with hi thumbs.

 

"Am here for you and am always going to be here for you. Sergio loves you very much and I know where ever he is he is regretting this because he misses you. It’s a shame he can't be in London but he will be next week"

 

Fernando moved closer dropping a chaste kiss on Juan’s lips and hugging him tight both lasting a little longer than necessary because he really needs the comfort.

"Thank you Juan I don't know what I'll do without you"

 

Juan hugs him back and Fernando holds him longer with their heads pressed together "thanks Juan, I just hope he is okay. I miss him so much I just pray he is okay"  
The weirdest thoughts pop into Fernando’s head. It is very unlikely for Sergio to act like this or treat him this way except somethings had happened to him. but juan knows Fernando too well and he isin't ready to let him fall of the edge anytime soon.

 

"He is okay am sure he is somewhere thinking about you. now I want you to be happy, we can go out to try his phone or you can dance with me. Juan says quietly without moving their position. Fernando turned and faced him with intensity in his eyes.

 

“I will dance, he decided to ditch me in the first place he can go fuck himself”

 

*

 

After an hour of dancing Fernando complains that his feet are hurting. And Juan can only think "what a drama queen, its not like he's got heels on maybe he should be the one called Neon Pebbles"

 

So Juan pulls him to the other part of plug to sit in order to avoid the newly engaged couple they stumbled into before. As they searched for a place for Fernando to rest his aching feet the stumble into the sexy pill room with the manipulated lights

 

As they get into the bigger and darker room Fernando was actually excited to see the “plugged” drag queen called Neon Pebbles.

 

"Look who finally got plugged eh?" he says to her causing the drag queen, Juan and couple of people around them to laugh  
Juan feels accomplished at this point; he has done his job as a friend, he took care of Fernando and now he can see how happy and exited he is to be having fun and mixing up with everyone and just enjoying the moment not thinking about the hard stuff.

 

"Well I see you are a natural aren't you” She teased and squeezed his butt again but this time he giggled in appreciation

 

"Nice ass, cute bubble butt just like my boys on the podiums" she whispers to Fernando pointing to the gogo dancers

 

But something else distracted him from her second compliment

 

"Is that?" Fernando stops shell shocked when he saw what he saw, totally ignoring Juan and Neon Pebbles.

 

"It couldn't be, He is in Madrid he can't be here... No way" Fernando thinks out loud trying to convince himself that he is actually not seeing what his eyes are gazing upon.

 

"You know those two?” The drag queen says to Fernando.  
“They've been going at it for a while now. Tried to tell them there is an inner room for things like that but the fire cracker nailing the small guy to the wall isint having it. He tried to bite my head off. He is so uptight"... She paused and looked at Fernando

 

"A lot like you when I first met you".

 

Juan peered forward as the lights rotate towards the two people pressed against the wall kissing passionately, trying to get a view of what Neon pebbles and Fernando where talking about.

 

He couldn't believe what he saw, that tattoo, that hair, everything, its Sergio fucking Ramos but it got worse. The person being pressed against the wall with his hand around his Lovers neck is Jesus Navas.

 

"Please get me out of here" Fernando gasped out like he was about to die

 

"You know them?"

Neon Pebbles asked confused

 

"That fire cracker is his Fucking Boyfriend and it’s their anniversary today which he canceled because he is supposed to be in a meeting in Madrid"

 

Juan says to Neon Pebbles as he guides a teary eyed Fernando out of plug.

 

*

Juan decided to take Fernando to his place that night.

 

The ride to Juan’s house was quiet. He dint know what was going through Fernando's mind but he could see from his demeanour that Fernando has grown 10 times worse. He’s not just sad that Sergio handled him like he dint matter, or blew him off for some meeting or totally ignored their anniversary. Fernando is just shocked that Sergio is cheating on him all his speculations are true and Juan is just shocked too.

 

It’s not something anyone wants to happen to do them. No one wants to witness the person that they care about holding another the way Sergio was holding Navas that being on the same day of your anniversary with another friend of yours is awful.

 

***

When they arrived at Juans' place Fernando walked slowly to Juan’s bed room. He dropped on the floor by the bed like a log, breathing hard and heavy with his vision clouded by tears.

 

Fernando’s constant struggle to breathe and cry at the same time was so loud it echoed around the house. From the sound of his voice you could read that it hurts so much, that he is in a state of confusion; not knowing whether to cry silently or scream in horror.

 

Fernando kept having the feeling like there is a fire burning through his veins inside of him, like something is moving around in his body and it hurts so much and the only solution is to get it out by cutting himself open reach inside his body and pull it out. But Fernando knows this feeling two well, ITS HIS MIND PLAYING TRICKS ON HIM AGAIN once he makes the first cut and he see’s the crimson colour, he gets a little bit of relief but he doesn't know how to stop. He keeps going because he feels the more he lets it out it would stop but it doesn't actually stop.

 

Fernando tried so hard not to scream, tried to breathe and calm down just to take control of his body and what he allows himself to feel but he kept seeing the image of what he just witnessed. He felt like the biggest fool. He’s been the joke all this while and he never knew it. The frustration kept growing on him and the feeling of the pain burning below his skin flowing all over his body intensified and Fernando started pulling at his hair strenously.

 

He could barely feel the pain he was inflicting on himself because his emotions have been masked by the pain that was not physical. Fernando had cut his hair short so he dint have enough hair to pull on.

 

Although, his face turned a deep shade of pink and his eyes began to water Fernando was not getting the result he craved so he started twisting his ankles partly because he is nervous but also because he just feels the need to control the pain, by causing a physical pain that he can control in order to distract him from what is really going on inside.

 

***

Few Minutes later Juan comes rushing into the room after locking up everywhere and finds Fernando on the floor. When Juan saw Fernando’s state he took his time to observe the surrounding environment.

 

Because of his relationship with Fernando and the knowledge of Fernando’s situation, Juan has read a lot of pamphlets on Fernando’s condition, both useful and useless just to gather as much information as he could and better manage the situation if any arises.

 

He read somewhere that when someone with such a history as Fernando does have a breakdown, the first thing to do as a friend or family around is to survey the environment and clear anything that they could use as a tool to aid their purpose at that time.

 

Juan doesn't know how ethical this information is but its better to be careful that sorry. Juan began to clear out the metal hangers that he scattered on the bed when he was selecting his outfit and removed his shaving razors from sight. Juan quickly locked them away in the bathroom before coming to sit behind Fernando on the floor. Juan put his arms around Fernando and placed his hand on Fernando’s wrists’ that were wrapped around his ankle and held them still.

 

“STOP” Juan tells Fernando firmly

 

“But it hurts!” Fernando cries out like a helpless child, tears streaming down his eyes without control.

 

“Hey, you are making it worse, your ankles are burning hot and your knuckles look sore. Nando you are hurting yourself” Fernando doesn't stop he started to use his fingers to dig into the skin on his ankles.

 

Juan holds him tight burying his face in Fernando’s shoulder. He knows it could be worse, he knows Fernando is holding back and he is proud of him that he is trying so hard. Apart from his parents and Sergio, Juan is the only other person that had seen Fernando at his worst and it’s not good.

 

When he first knew about Fernando’s self harm, he had this idea that it was all about cutting. But after knowing him for a longer period of time, listening to his parents and Sergio try to explain it and also going to therapy with Fernando, he understood that the bigger problem was within and no matter what people with self harm do to themselves on the outside it cant be compared to the turmoil they faced inside.

 

Fernando suffered from depression and self loathing as a young teenager. He went through a lot even before he was 14. He was bullied by his peers for being unpopular and being very slim. They always teased him that he would snap like a twig if he ever tried to get on the pitch and play football with them and if he dint they would make sure he did.

 

Being a young teenager and having to go through bullying of different kinds was so much for Fernando he started to withdraw. But his problem spearheaded when he found out that he dint like girls, he discovered that when he makes contact with a boy he feels things and wants things that you should only want with a girl and the confusion ate him from the inside out. He believed what people were saying about people like him that he was sick and deserved to die, this made him loathe himself more and he sought self harm as an avenue for relief.

 

Juan realised after watching Fernando that most people he knew in high school and thought they were okay were actually never okay because with Fernando he now knew that so many things he’s seen before and just waved off like its nothing, could actually be classified as self harm, that self harm is not just about the cutting.

 

There was the time when he repeatedly saw burn marks on Fernando’s arm and thighs and Fernando would give a flimsy excuse of how he got the burn and he would just forgo it, or when he would be found with sore knuckles like he’s been punching a wall and he would say he got the injury from boxing training. Or his excessive training in the gym, everyone would commend his dedication not knowing it was one of the ways Fernando devised to punish himself.

 

Juan had never experienced anything as bad as the story Fernando’s parents told him. They had found Fernando hiding under his bed lying in the pool of his own blood on his 16th birthday after receiving a message from someone telling him “no one will ever love you, you are damaged and damaged goods deserve to be treated like shit and thrown away, i can’t believe you thought i was into you”.

 

Juan looked at Fernando’s ankles again and saw an area that had been covered in blood under one of Fernando’s fingers and he got scared.  
“Nando you have to stop this now, i care about you... What is going to happen to me if i loose you? Do you think about that when you start hurting yourself? or Your parents, your siblings? How do you want us to cope without you in our lives... i hate to see you hurts yourself because you are hurting me too”

 

Fernando stopped suddenly and kept sobbing until he went quiet. They sat like that on the floor with his back resting on Juan’s chest for a few minutes until Fernando calmed down and was ready to talk.

 

*

"What the fuck just happened?"

Fernando asked Juan like he has answers after he’s cooled off a bit. He stood up from the floor and starts taking off his clothes.

 

"You saw it too right? I wasn't hallucinating... That was Sergio right?"

 

"Maybe they were just-"

 

"No... Fucking No. Juan don't! don't make excuses for him to make me feel better, tell me how it is" Fernando sat on Juan’s bed to take of his jeans.

 

"Fernando I -"

 

"FUCKING TELL ME” He screamed with so much rage even Juan was shocked.

 

Juan has been friends with Fernando for so long and he knows what he's being asked to do. It hurts but that's the only way to get Fernando to actually calm down at least for a while. Pain, he uses pain against pain, whether physical or psychological.

 

"Okay, just calm down... He's not suppose to be there, he wasn't suppose to be in this country at all, he told you his schedule was full till next week"

 

Juan stops to check on Fernando

 

"Keep going I want to know how it looks from a third party so I know i’m not insane"

 

"He canceled your anniversary, dint call, dint text, all of a sudden you find him in a club in the same country he said he couldn't be in, kissing and groping another bloke like his life depended on it"

 

"Okay, thanks"  
Fernando lays down to sleep off without saying a word.

 

"Want me to talk to him? I'll call him and ask him why he did it. He has no right to treat you the way he did. You don't deserve that" Juan feels like he’s not allowed to be upset because Fernando can get upset for the both of them but he really do think that was out of order and he just couldn't ignore it.

 

“I can't deal with him right now"

 

"Fernando, I feel bad, I've been feeding you with hope and telling you all this things I feel like I have to fix this. I should talk to him and put things straight"

 

"No Juan I will talk to him myself, better if I do it, but not now just come to bed i don't want to talk about Sergio my head hurts"

 

Juan knows to some people their relationship may seem a bit weird but there is really nothing to it. They've never fancied each other in that way and they’ve never done anything out of the ordinary. They kiss each other sometimes on the lips which he knows look a lot weird but really they feel nothing, they sleep on they same bed, they curdle and act like an old married couple but they've never done anything or played on their friendship and he thinks its what makes their relationship stronger, he knows sometimes Sergio feels insecure around him but really he has nothing to worry about. But now he can also feel the pain Fernando is going through because he knows how in love with Sergio, Fernando is.

 

"Fine, just promise me you will sort it and talk to him, I hate seeing you like this"

 

Juan finds Fernando something from his closet to change into.

 

"Yeah, as long as you promise not to call Sergio or act weird when you see him or Navas this is between me and him I don't want you getting dragged in"

 

Fernando replied with red puffy eyes as he slips into what Juan handed him.Juan looks at his best friend who looked so traumatised and just gives in.

 

"Fine... I'll let you handle it. Unless I feel like I need to step in. You know I care too much"

 

"Yeah I do... Come here"

 

Juan joins Fernando in bed and holds him close to himself its been one hell of an anniversary.

 

"Thanks for being here for me Juan" after sometime when it feels like Fernando had slept, he whispers in a sadistic tone

 

“Happy Anniversary to Me”

 

***

When Juan woke up in the morning the other side of the bed was empty and Fernando was gone. Juan jumped out of bed and started screaming Fernando’s name on remembering the incident of the previous night.

He quickly did a sweep of his apartment but still couldn’t find Fernando. He had searched the living area, the kitchen, the bathrooms, guest rooms even the pantry but no Fernando. Juan hurried back to his room to get dressed so he could check outside on the streets “maybe Fernando decided to leave” and then he hears the water running in the his master bathroom.

 

“Fernando! Fernando. Are you in there?”

Juan calls out moving closer to the bathroom door because the running water was steady but there was no sound of movement. Juan was hesitant to open the door because his mind was doing cat wheels giving him scenarios of what he might see when he opens the door and all were nothing he wished to set his eyes upon.

 

Juan finally gathered courage.

He turned the knob and it opened freely. The sight that met Juan left him emotionless, frozen with shock and breathless. It felt like his heart had been ripped out of his body in fear, the pain was there but he couldn't feel it because his heart was gone and his mind and eyes were fixed on a more brutal image. An image that he wished was a dream, an image he never wanted to be in a position to witness.

 

Fernando was lying with one hand hanging out the bathtub while his other hand and the whole of his body was immersed in the crimson coloured water. The water Fernando was lying in had turned a deep red colour and Juan dint know where to look or what to do.

 

Juan finally snapped out of it and ran to Fernando. When his head started working he decided to search for the affected area. Juan quickly fished out Fernando’s other hand from inside the tub to check for the source of the blood but it was clean just like the other. Then it hit Juan that Fernando had always been discrete about his situation, he dint want anyone knowing about his business.

 

Juan decided to get Fernando out of the water because his hands were very cold. Juan pulled Fernando’s whole body out of the bath and settled his naked body on the bathroom floor.

 

Inspecting Fernando’s body, he saw the source of the blood. Fernando had cut a vain on his left ankle. Juan quickly ripped his t-shirt and used it to tie Fernando’s ankle to stop him from loosing anymore blood, he took a huge warm towel from and spread it over Fernando. When Juan was sure he had secured the bleeding and Fernando’s body was getting some warmth, he clasped both hands on Fernando’s slapping him lightly on both cheeks to wake him up.

 

Fernando!... Nando! Nando! Come on!... please open your eyes... say something...Oh God” but Fernando was unresponsive.  
“Come on Nando… Come on… open your eyes, blink, squeeze my hand, anything, please” Juan was losing his mind before he remembered to check Fernando’s pulse. Juan put his head on Fernando’s chest, Held his wrist and checked the movement of Fernando’s chest. He did everything that he knew would give him an answer, when he was satisfied that Fernando was still with him he got out his phone to make a call.

 

“Hey John, it’s me Juan please I need a favour, I need a doctor at my apartment with everything possible please it’s an emergency” Juan talked so fast into the phone it was almost impossible for the person at the other end of the line to totally understand him.

 

“...no I can’t call for an ambulance…it… it was an attempted suicide. I Don’t want to get the press involved. If they get a hold of this its going to go wide...” “No not me…please can you send your brother?. “… okay Thanks as soon as possible please”

 

“What am i doing, i should have just called an ambulance” Juan thought out loud. But he knows he couldn’t call an ambulance because it would be what the press would be talking about forever. it would overshadow every good thing Fernando has done in his career. He would be remembered as the footballer who almost committed suicide and not that the amazing person with a beautiful talent that he is. But Juan can’t let that happen.

 

“As he crouched down to hold Fernando, Fernando opened his eyed with tears flowing without control. “i’m...I’m so sorry...Juan please forgive me” Fernando tried to appologize for what he’s done. He wasn’t thinking at all, he didn’t mean to hurt anyone he just wanted stop hurting.

 

“shhhhhh... don't talk... just look at me... stay with me, help is coming okay” Juan say wiping the tears off his face and patting Fernando’s head from the tip of his fore head back to his hair.

 

“You stay strong okay? I’m gonna get you through this. I’m here fore you. I love you, I care for you, you are important. You are very important to me. I won’t leave you… you hear me? I won’t fucking leave you” Juan says as the tears starts to flow from his own eyes.

 

Juan continued to say words of encouragement to Fernando reminding him that he is loved so that Fernando could have a reason to fight, being that he had lost a lot of blood and Juan doesn't know how this works. He is not a doctor so he can’t say anything, all he knows is that Fernando’s face is so pale his freckles are more visible than ever and to him it looks like his best friend is dying slowly.

 

But Fernando looks up at him with his eyes barely open and nods... before gripping Juan’s hand and squeezing tight while they wait for the paramedic to arrive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is written is Fernando and Juan's Point of View the next chapter would be told from Sergio and Navas' point of view. 
> 
> i want to thank those that are still reading for being patient with me and hopefully it would be worth your while. Thanks


	7. PLUG 26/05/2013 pt2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a flashback into the events that lead to the present day situation. Plug finally Unravels, told through the eyes of Sergio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to stress that this chapter and the previous one are both flashbacks and not present day events. i hope this chapter would make everyone understand his side of the story.

_**PLUG 26/05/2013** _  
_**PART 2** _  
_**SERGIO AND NAVAS POV** _

 

_**"For you to be in a place you shouldn't be, in a country you said you couldn't be in and in that implicating situation"** _

 

***

"You know you are being a jerk to him right?"

 

Navas can't be quiet anymore and Sergio is acting like the world revolves around him and his plan. A plan that Navas doesnt think is clean enough to be properlly executed.

 

"Technically no...i would never be a jerk to Fernando. There is a plan, it’s all part of the plan... once he finds out what I am actually planning, he would be extremely happy".

 

Sergio replied to Navas and continued to apply hair product to his already perfectly styled hair.

 

"Have you ever tried to think of the possibility of this plan failing at all?” Navas tried to make Sergio realise that he has to think his plan through and reconsider. Because his plan might sound cool in his head but when he tries to put it to work it might crumble.

 

Sergio rolled his eyes in a manner that says “shut up or i’ll make you shut up” but that doesn’t stop Navas

 

“Sergio I don't know what it is about this plan that has got you so impulsive but you really need to take a step back and evalutate the situation. If this plan doesn't work, what do you think Fernando would think?” Navas paused giving Sergio the opportunity to speak but he’s quiet in front of the mirror

 

“From an outsider’s perspective it reads that he means nothing to you and you don't give a shit. You are sending him a message that you don’t love him enough to make sacrifices for him and treat him right. And do you know how he would feel? He would feel like a fool, very worthless to you because everyone knows Fernando would cancel his own birth to come and be with you if that is possible”

 

Navas stared down at Sergio who is now looking a bit solemn like the words are sipping through his subconscious. “Nando knows i love him more than i love myself and would do anything for him, this is temporary and it would be over after i see him.” Sergio speaks but it sounds more like he is trying to convince himself and not Navas

 

“does he?” Navas draws Sergio’s attention back to this own statement. “does he really know you will do anything for him? Because i don’t and i’m not even dating you”

 

“why would you say that?”

 

Sergio moved towards Navas but he looked really confused. Insint it obvious that he cares for Fernando?, do people not see that his life would have no meaning without Fernando and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with him?

 

Navas saw Sergio’s expression, he knew he had to support him but he also had to tell Sergio the truth. As a friend you want to be there for your best friend, supporting them in their decisions and that is exactly what Navas wants for Sergio but he also wants to stair him right so he doesn’t hurt him self forever.

 

Navas knows that if Fernando and Sergio split, Sergio wouldn't survive it. It might be harder on Fernando but with friends and family Fernando can be able to take care of him self and move on in the long run but that would be the end of Sergio. So many people don’t know that but he is one of the few people who do.

 

The only person that can bring Sergio to his senses is Fernando, the only person Sergio would give his life for is Fernando, the only person that would tolerate Sergio and all his attitudes is Fernando but Sergio is taking that for granted.

 

“Am just saying, sometimes you act like he doesn't matter to you. What he does for you i don't think anyone would do that for you. The only one thing he’s asked you to do for him since i knew you both, you’ve refused to do it. And for that same reason you end up hurting him every time”

*

It’s no news that Sergio’s drinking has been a topic that has been brought up every time but Sergio still refuses to heed Fernando’s plea for him to give up drinking but at the end of every conversation Fernando still stays with him.

 

“Okay I don’t want to talk about this anymore, everything would be fine. We just need to go and do what we have to do”

 

Navas does nothing but roll his eyes when Sergio brushed off the topic. it’s not alien to Navas, Sergio is the king of avoiding conversations that he is not comfortable with. Especially when it’s addressed to his supposed drinking issue.

 

"He would be at that club I was talking to you about tonight. I got an information that Juan is planning for them to go there sometime this evening, so we would go in and surprise him"

 

Navas is still not convinced, all this torture just for a surprise party?... he feels like _**the pain is more than the gain**_ and biting his tongue has recently become a problem.

 

"What worries me is the fact that you think traumatizing him is romantic" Navas judges Sergio

 

"Am not traumatizing him, shut up, Fernando is a big boy"

 

Sergio continues to get himself ready by fixing his shirt, that he finally selected after going through a couple. He wanted to look perfect for Fernando.

 

"how do you describe your attitudes towards him this last couple of days? You are treating him like the other woman. If it were me i would be thinking there is someone else. All of this for a fucking surprise party? This is fucked up.”

 

Sergio gives Navas a proper stare down and Navas put his hand in the air but kept talking

 

“Am sorry but its true, everyone knows that your boyfriend is one of the strongest people in our sport and also as an individual but there are rumors about him and we know when it comes to you he is very fragile and I can't imagine what he's going through"

 

“What is your problem why are so against me doing this?” Sergio decided to drop everything and give Navas his attention, an attention which Navas took ceremoniously.

 

“First of all you are being a jerk and you are hurting him for almost no reason. Secondly, if this plan fails I'll be an accomplice to hurting Fernando again and I really don't want to do that again especially now that i’ve gotten to know him these past couple of years and he is a very chill guy”

 

Navas paused for a few minutes giving Sergio time to digest everything he’s been saying. When Sergio dint utter a word and kept staring at him like he was an alien, Navas continued.

 

“i am just saying, its just a surprise party and treating him like shit doesn’t cut it... except there is something you are not telling me about this plan” Navas kept trying to get more information from Sergio because he feels like Sergio is hiding something.

 

“it’s none of your business, whatever plans i have are between me and Fernando.... just get ready lets leave

 

*

The plan was simple and everything had been arranged before hand.  
Sergio planned that when Fernando is at plug with Juan, Sergio would go with Navas and surprise him, and then he would explain to Fernando that he left the meeting in Madrid last minute because he couldn't spend today away from him and he would win Fernando over in time for the real surprise.

 

While that is happening, the team would start setting up Fernando's house with all the decorations including everything romantic in Sergio's opinion and significant props that were present on their first date.

 

Like the waiter that served them on their first date, maybe not the same guy because Sergio has no idea where he is but a waiter dressed just like him. Black pants, white shirt, red waist coat and a single rose in his hand.

 

There was also a table for two dressed in the style of the one they used at **_"El nido de amore"_**.

 

Also it was arranged that when Fernando steps into his house he would be greeted by glowing lights spelling out **_"happy anniversary baby... I love you"_** amongst other things he had planned. Then Sergio would come clean that there was no meeting, it was all part of the plan and he would do whatever he wanted to do for Fernando and then he and Fernando would be happy after that.

 

Sergio can already see his plan working and he can't wait to hold Fernando in his arms. But as much as he hates to admit it he thinks Navas might be right and Fernando might be hurting really bad. He knows that Fernando has been through a lot and He really doesn’t need the stress of what he is doing but Sergio feels like he has to show Fernando how much he loves him and want to be with him.

 

Sergio knows Fernando is upset with him if the tone on the phone call was anything to go by, but he is convinced it would be worth it in the end.

 

Except after evaluating what Navas said to him he got scared and is now developing doubts because Fernando hasn't even tried to call him or text him and that is unlike Fernando.

 

Even if they are fighting or having a little disagreement, Fernando would never ignore him. He would still tell Sergio Merry Christmas, Happy Easter, Happy Valentine or Happy Birthday because that is the kind of person he is. Sergio doesn't over analyze things but he thinks he might be pushing this hard or something else is wrong.

 

He has been pushing this thought off his mind since he heard Fernando's sad tone over the phone 3 days ago because he really doesn't want to believe that he might be hurting Fernando, he promised and he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he hurt Fernando. And he is also scared of loosing Fernando, he doesn't know how much his patience is going to run for.

 

*

as they were ready to go to the club Sergio decided to ask Navas few question while they walk to the car.  
"Do you think I went a bit too far with this thing? Like Fernando is done with my bullshit and is moving on" Sergio presses, because Fernando has ignored him all day.

 

"Oh the man with the master plan doubts" Navas mocks

 

"Just fucking tell me would you?" Sergio reprimands agitated

 

"I have been saying that since I heard about the plan and you might have toyed with his patience on this one. I tried talking but you wouldn't listen. It’s all about this great plan"

 

Sergio thinks silently for a few minutes then goes into panic mode. He feels like he's pushed too far and Fernando is finally over it and doesn't care anymore.

 

"I can't loose him. Fuck!!! What was I thinking... I have to call him" Sergio starts rampaging for his phone to make the call but not before Navas stopped him.

 

"You can't call him now... it would ruin everything... Your plan and everything else! How would you explain a plan that never worked? It will look like lies. No one would believe you... Just see it through by the way he's with Juan, Juan won't let him just run off with another guy"

 

Sergio scoffed

 

"Juan might be nice to you but when it comes to Fernando he doesn't care about you. He would let Fernando do anything if it would make him happy and vice versa so I can't always trust him to care about me too"

 

"Just calm down and get ready to go surprise your man" Navas says trying to get Sergio to get this over with as soon as possible because if he terminates the plan now, his explanation for his actions would never be plausible no one would believe him.

 

Sergio started to think about seeing Fernando instead to manage his panic and is suddenly all excited. But there is still that feeling about his plan that makes his heart drop and Navas’ words keep ringing in his subconscious

  
 _**"How would you explain a plan that never worked it would look like lies, no one would believe you"** _

 

*

 

"Wow this place is amazing, reason Fernando is over you and hasn’t called"

 

Navas jokes after they’d been in the club for half an hour because Sergio had been checking his phone in case Fernando text or calls while they rampage the whole club to look for Fernando. But the club is larger than they expected so they had to search every room in order to find Juan and Fernando here.

 

"Just be on the look out for him okay, and stop trying to ruin my night" is all Sergio says in return trying to get his plan sorted as soon as possible before something goes horribly wrong.

 

"Am just saying you treat him like crap he finds another, there are so many hot guys here Fernando might just be locking lips with one of them" Navas says smiling but stops smiling when he sees Sergio shell shocked looking at a striking image.

 

Navas peered forward but can't believe what he is seeing. He has never hated that his predictions were right than he did at that moment, but he almost feels like Sergio forced Fernando into this.

 

He found Fernando but the plan was over before it even started getting executed.  
Fernando is standing at a corner close to the bar, you can't really see him full because he is standing profile to their view and the other part of his body is covered by another individual who seem to be really into him and Fernando is not complaining, not acting like its his anniversary, he seemed to be clinging to this bloke like his life depended on it.

 

"Am sure it’s just a bro hug, or someone trying to pick him up"

 

Navas voice comes across a little patronizing to give Sergio a glimmer of hope because what he just saw was not casual, it was intimate. But Navas couldn't speak anymore when Fernando shifted and revealed Juan Mata as his source of life.

 

Sergio froze and still didn't speak, just watching with his eyes burning. Navas kept thinking of what to say but he can't say anything now but think and try to piece things and help his friend.

 

Sergio usually said that there has always been a question mark on Juan and Fernando's friendship and Navas thinks this might be one of those question marks.

 

Suddenly, Fernando leaned in and kissed Juan on the lips passionately, hugging him tight, with the hug lasting a little longer than Sergio would like anyone to hug his lover even Juan is not allowed to hold his Fernando that close, with their heads pressed together as they spoke affectionately to each other.

 

"I think I've seen enough, what would they do next? Say their vows?"

 

Sergio pushed passed a lot of people in anger grabbing a bottle from the opposite bar and storms off pulling Navas behind him like his baggage.

 

*

Instead of leaving, Sergio decided to stay and drink his sorrows away and maybe keep tabs on Fernando and Juan because what he saw was not okay.

 

After a while, Sergio drinks too much and starts misbehaving.

 

Maybe not too much but for Sergio it was too much. Sergio has a drinking problem which he has refused to accept because he doesn’t understand and it makes him feel less than what he wants to be. People like Sergio are advised to stay away from alcohol.

 

It is hard for any individual to wake up one day and realise that what your friends and family do easily for fun and relaxation and be okay, you can’t do. It’s like telling you that you can’t be normal because you were built a certain way. Nothing caused it, it’s not your fault but you just cant be like everybody else.

 

It little glass of the wrong wine can make him comatose, he would do and say things without control and regret after the effect wore off.  
The pressure of always being out of control got to Sergio hurt Sergio. He saw what it did to his family at an early age. His father suffered the same problem and it was always a tug of war at home because he refused to get help, but Sergio tried to convince himself that he’s not his dad and is going to take care of the situation in his own way.

 

But it isint working, most times he just gets into the alcohol without knowing; he’s beginning to crave it and it never used to happen. Now Sergio has that desire to go straight for the bottle when ever he is frustrated, sad, or happy. He had lost total control and alcohol is becoming his answer to everything.

 

He watched as it almost destroyed his relationship in the past and every good thing that has come his way, but it’s like he is handicapped and can’t take charge. Almost like he needs a wake up call, something to tell him to stop, but right now Sergio hasn’t found that thing yet.

 

*

  
"Sergio am sorry you had to see that but we need to leave, you plus alcohol and upset is nasty"

 

Navas speaks calmly to Sergio watching as his temper continued to grow worse.

 

"See what? I din’t see anything let's party. Clearly it’s what our anniversary is about..."

 

Sergio speaks sarcastically but with something in his voice, something that makes Navas pity him a little.

 

"He was pretending all this time. Pretending to care, to want me here, pretending to be sad while am stupidly planning a surprise party because I really love him and would think outside the box for him because he is special and i wanted to do this for him for us"  
Sergio speaks all of a sudden swinging the bottle he’s been nursing up and down

 

"Come on Sergio, Fernando loves you and you know it, it’s the alcohol preventing you from seeing the truth" Navas knows he’s had too much, it’s how it starts. He stops reasoning and doesn’t evaluate anything that comes out of his mouth nor does he try to understand a situation he just acts.

 

"Well not enough to not let Juan stick his short fat cock in his ass!... he doesn't love me enough" Sergio spits

 

"How can you say that about Fernando?... you will regret that in the morning. Why are you insulting Juan and how do you know the status of Juan’s dick?" Navas says to his best friend trying to hold him up because Sergio had started to flounder.

 

"Don't ask me stupid questions c'mere"

 

Sometimes Navas doesn't want to pity Sergio at all because he doesn't know if he is Sergio's friend, his little brother or his slave but he knows Sergio needs him right now.

 

He's spent his entire vacation finding a way to make Fernando feel special and happy. He knows how devastated Fernando was when they learnt that _"_ **El Nido de amor"** shut down and Sergio just wanted to do something nice for Fernando by recreating their first date.  
Only to find out that Fernando has been lying under his nose and cheating on him, well in his own words.

 

Before Navas could understand what was happening Sergio had backed him up against the wall and is determined to stick his tongue down his throat and suck out his oesophagus.

 

Sergio reeks of booze and the bottle he had in his hand was less than half empty and he's not acting himself.

 

"Do you have to be like him? Stick your tongue down my throat because he is doing it?"

 

Navas says pushing Sergio away from him but he can't get help because everyone around them is attached and lip locked like this is a sex room or something.

 

He struggled to extricate himself from Sergio's firm grip but his struggles are looking more like an aggressive show of affection between lovers who haven't seen each other in a while and just want to touch.

 

Their display was getting a lot of attention, people cat calling, others whistling and random stuff like **_get him tiger, tap that ass_**. But the biggest was the argument Sergio had with some drag queen who Sergio literally almost hit but didn't because Navas had to distract him before dragging him out of the club.

 

*

Navas barks at Sergio the moment he escapes Sergio’s grip and they leave to go to their hotel rooms since there is no way they are going for any anniversary surprise party now, not after Fernando's dramatic display.

 

"You have to stop doing that, drunk or not I’m not your boy toy, puppet or your whore. You can't want to fuck me whenever you are drunk and hurting."

 

"Don't flatter yourself, i don't want to have sex with you" Sergio tries to wave it off because he really dint mean anything by it, he was just pissed and don't know how to deal with this and he also had too much to drink.

 

"No Sergio, Don't!!!... sometimes I wonder if you have any emotions at all because of the way you act like other people don't matter" Navas stands firm

 

"Every single time, you do this. Ever since the first time because you know how i felt about you, you never let me forget and you don't allow me move on, you have to STOP Sergio. You have to stop doing that to me... It’s not fair. We are friends and i’m happy… but i had feeling for you once, real feelings…so stop trying to act on that, stop touching me the way you do because I don’t want you anymore Sergio... I really don’t”

 

Navas speaks at the top of his voice, devastated a stream of tears rolled down his eyes. Like he is trying to tell himself he doesn’t want Sergio and also wants Sergio to stop trying to bring back old feelings.

 

*

Sergio and Navas have known each other a long time since their days playing together in sevilla and they’ve remained friends since then. It’s remained a platonic love between friends but Nevas had been secretly in love with Sergio since he could remember.

 

On that day, the days of Xavi’s birthday, he had gotten terribly drunk that the guys had to ask some one to be his designated driver and take him home early and Navas volunteered. Navas had dropped Sergio off but never left.

 

He hung around and caught Sergio when he just got out of the shower. Sergio has a habit to wander about naked when he’s alone, so he walked out without his towel with droplets of water dripping from his hair and running down his pecs, he grabbed his dick to pleasure himself because he thought he was alone, but cupped his dick in shock when he saw Navas relaxed on his bed.

 

.  
“Don’t stop on my account” Navas had joked staring at Sergio’s hands cupping his privates. Sergio asked Navas what he was doing at his place at that time and Navas had told him how he couldn't leave because he had a lot to say to him.

 

It was a bit of an awkward situation for Sergio because Navas dint give him the opportunity to dress up into something else so he just stood there trying to cover his slightly aroused penis from when he was playing with himself.

 

“So what did yo want to talk about, Sergio had asked him hurriedly

 

Navas had looked very uncertain as he stood up and made his way to where Sergio was standing by his dressing table.

 

“I...i... have these feelings, like i’ve had them for a long time and i just thought i should talk about it”

 

As any friend would be, Sergio was eager to hear about his friends feeling for a potential significant other, he was really eager to find out who Navas was crushing on. So Sergio grabbed a robe covered himself and went with Navas to sit on the bed.

 

Navas sat for a few minutes not knowing what to do or say but finally started talking.

 

“there is this person i have feelings for, i have been in love with them for a long time now but they are with someone else, i know they care about me but i don't know if they feel the same way, i just cant stop think about this person”

 

“wow that's deep, i’ve never seen you so invested in another person before... i think you should tell them, tell the person how you feel and see if they feel the same so you can know for sure, you are amazing am sure they feel the same way”

 

Sergio had replied Navas, giving him encouragement because it’s what friends do. But when Sergio goes in for a hug Navas kissed him on the lips instead. Sergio scooted away and asked him why he did that.

 

“am in love with you, i’ve always been in love with you. i’ve always wanted you Sergio, there hasn’t been a day that has passed that i didn't want you. And deep down i know you know what am talking about but you choose to ignore my feelings”

 

Sergio was shocked at Navas reply, when he gave Navas the advice he dint know this was going to happen. It’s not something you hear everyday from your best friend, he had his speculations once or twice but he dint really let him self think that far. Navas kept looking at him expecting him to say something.

 

“Navas i’m sorry, i don't know what to say or how to feel but i’m with Fernando and am Very happy, he would flip out... we can’t... **I LOVE HIM** ”

 

Sergio had replied as sincerely as he could but there was nothing he was going to say that was going to make Navas back down. Navas was more of a conniving bastard then, he was a corny as he was desperate. He knew Sergio’s drinking situation and knew exactly when to ambush him.

 

“He doesnt need to know, i can be your dirty little secret and we can keep it between us. I don't mind” touching Sergio’s thigh

 

Navas sounded so desperate, he was willing to get hurt just to try, but he dint think of the long term consequences if things dint work out. His plan was if they do it Sergio would realise he’s in love with him to, he was that shallow.

 

*

 

After a while Navas had Sergio’s dick in his mouth, due to the struggle and pleading and also because Sergio might was messed up from Xavi’s birthday things got heated.

 

Navas was lay on the bed with his feet in the air while Sergio fucked him. Navas was exited watching Sergio’s face as his eyes rolled back into his skull, knowing Sergio was close he starts touching himself. They cum at the same time and Navas whispered “I Love you” looking into Sergio’s eyes.

 

Sergio looked back into his eyes and whispered back **_“I Love Fernando”_**

 

It was the worst best experience of Navas’s life, having the guy you’ve always wanted inside you but for him to tell you he loves another still inside you while he is drunk and fucked up is more hurting, because you know it’s a dead end.

*

 

“i was young and stupid, i made bad choices, i knew i couldn't have you but i was stupid and threw myself at you anyway and i learnt my lesson just after you were done, am trying to make good ones now. But you won’t let me forget what i did” Navas tells Sergio how he really feels

 

“i don't mean to hurt you but i do and am really sorry about that” Sergio never means to say or do the things he does to Navas but he just does. Sometimes its out of his control

 

“you say that again and in the next month we will be back here again with you doing the same thing” Navas says it as it is because Sergio repeats his mistakes all the time.

 

“I’m so sorry i dint see it that way, am so sorry... i really dint know how...”

Sergio tried to apologize for everything Navas said to him but where do you really start? what does he want to apologize for? Because if he starts it would take the end of the world for it to be over

 

“yeah because its always about you, you don't care about anyone, you don't even care about the one person who you claim to love. Am not surprised he left you” Navas doesn't really mean it but he feels like Sergio needs to hurt a little bit because all he does is cause the people around him pain.

 

“That’s not true, I care about Fernando, I care with the whole of my heart, i would do anything for him and you know that. I love him but...he... he hurt me”

 

Sergio meant what he said, he meant his apology to Navas but he couldn't fully understand how wrong his actions are because all he can see is the man he loves in the arms of another.

 

“I really am sorry Navas, i never meant to hurt you its just,” he breaks down and starts sobbing. “Cant believe he would do that to me, i would need to talk to him.”

 

“Maybe tomorrow not now, you are drunk and you would definitely make things worse” Navas says to him

 

“Yeah, i’ll call him tomorrow and give him a piece of my mind. It’s OVER!!!”

 

Navas rolls his eyes because he knows its bullshit, he knows it’s the alcohol talking and it will fade away in the morning.

 

“And don't worry about the surprise party i called the crew to clean up the place. It’s like you never came around... and am not sure if that a good thing or not”

 

Navas says looking at Sergio who had passed out on the passenger sit. He took a good glance at him and shook his head. He knows the only reason he cut Sergio so much slack after what Sergio does to him is because he’s known him all his life and Sergio is a nice guy and he also knows that Sergio’s drinking is not his fault but he knows sooner or later he would receive his wake up call to give it up.

 

“I hope for your sake, Fernando is not really over you because i really can’t handle all of this... i don't know how **he** does it” Navas says under his breath in reference to Fernando as he starts driving them to the hotel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> would like to tell everyone that this story is slowly coming to an end and yes i plan to finish it. i know my updating pace is all over the place but i will definitely complete this story.
> 
> also apologies to all for any mistakes...i am writing without a BETA reader.


	8. Wake Me From This Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sergio approaches Juan to talk about the issue at hand and things get Physical

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Violence, Reference of blood and Fighting.  
> I advice reading " the beginning of us" chapter 5. Again to make everything fresh before reading this chapter because this picks up exactly where that one ends! But if you don't it doesn't matter! :)

 

_**Wake Me from This Dream** _

  
_**"How would you explain a plan that never worked it would look like lies, no one would believe you"**_

_***_

 

Fernando bumped into Iker when he stormed out the toilet trying to get away from Sergio and all the drama.

 

"Hey I've been searching for you" Iker said to him with relief but Fernando dint return the favour he was rather harsh.

 

"Don't"

 

Fernando replied, rude and uninterested while he kept walking towards the party just anywhere away from Sergio. He hasn't even moved four steps when Sergio comes out of the toilet with Juan and Navas trailing behind him.

 

"Am not letting you off Fernando, I deserve an explanation" Sergio’s voice was loud and firm, it echoed in the hall and made Fernando stop. But his tone came across as interrogative and demanding registering a judgemental approach.

 

Fernando turned around with disgust and looked at Sergio like he is grown another head and looses his cool.

 

"You really think you are the victim in this don't you, everything has to be about you doesn't it?"

 

His face is not sad; it’s filled with anger and disappointment. He can't believe Sergio is trying to forge something and act a victim after what he did to him.

 

"I did nothing to you and I owe you no explanations because you Sergio... you need to start talking...I am done letting you treat me like shit, am done feeling like this"

 

Sergio looked at Navas then Juan and back at Fernando in utter confusion but remains quiet.When Sergio dint say a word because he genuinely didn't understand what he was suppose to be talking about, Fernando had no problem serenading anyone who would listen with his plea.

 

"Let's start from the beginning shall we...what was so fucking important that you blew me off... It was our fucking anniversary. You fucktard and you canceled on me..."

 

Sergio looks at Fernando’s face and the pain with which he used to speak. Did he do that? Did he really do something that has made Fernando so angry and hurt?  
“I dint really cancel-“

 

Fernando caught a glance of Navas and images from that night came to his mind like flash photography and he got more agitated, cutting Sergio off

 

"Oh I remember, except you weren't actually busy in Madrid were you? You were actually in London blowing me off for him" he points to Navas and moves closer to him like he was going to hit him.

 

Sergio intervenes quickly and holds Fernando firmly by the shoulders

 

"Don't Fucking touch me"

 

Fernando spits out in disgust but he can feels his belly flop again as Sergio’s hands made contact with his body making him feel tingly all over.

 

"No! Fernando what has come over you? This isn't you" Sergio says lowering his hand from Fernando’s shoulders and grabbed his biceps pulling him closer to his chest.

 

"Oh yes this is me babe! This is what you turned me into” Fernando says sarcastically “because apparently am not good enough for you just being me, that you would abandon me on our anniversary, dismiss me on the phone like am a mistress you are trying to get rid off”

 

Sergio pulled him even closer to hold him again but his time he ended up breathing on his face and Fernando jerked his face away immediately in disgust. “I can’t believe this” Fernando says under his breath that no one heard him

 

Fernando stopped and looked at Sergio’s face, making eye contact with him for the first time since after the Maimi Heat game. He doesn’t know how they got here, how they got so messed up but above all he doesn’t know how the man he fell in love with is the same person causing him so much pain.

 

“You treated me like crap and you lied” Fernando swallowed hard trying to fight the fact that he was close to sobbing. “You lied to my face about not being able to leave Spain, and you do what you did right under my nose just because I am the way I am”

 

Fernando dint wait for Sergio to reply or say anything, he just detached himself from Sergio’s grip and walked away into the bigger crowd.

 

“Fernando please don't go” Sergio cries out, distraught. He could have handled that differently but he could feel his head spinning. He wasn’t thinking straight. He’e got himself so fucked up his judgement of situations are irrational.

 

As Fernando walked away Sergio could feel everyone that just witnessed their little out burst judging him, looking at him like a monster; the big bad wolf coming to harm Fernando.

 

*

Fernando is not one to make a scene or over react about anything so when something like this happens everyone knows that it’s really serious and he's been hurt really bad.Which increases Sergio’s confusion with the situation.what ever he did he knows it must have been really bad and he might be too stupid to realise it but he is not letting it slide anymore.Not after the way Fernando looked at him.

 

When Sergio caught a sight of Juan making his way to go after Fernando, his first thought was to grab him and get in a fight but Sergio also knows that Juan is his only chance to understand what just happened and actually get to speak to Fernando again without him lashing out. So Sergio had to suppress him emotions and approached Juan nicely.

 

"Juan" Sergio called out but Juan chose to ignore him

 

"Juan, please wait"  
Sergio walked quickly behind him. He reached out and grabbed Juan’s hand bringing him to a halt.

 

"We need to talk, I know you want to go be with him now and he needs you"  
Sergio says the words as they burned his tongue. Fernando usually needed him but not so much now "but he would be fine for a while, he's in good hands" Sergio gestured to where Fernando was.

 

Juan looked forward and sees that David Villa had found a way to calm Fernando by hugging and whispering somethings to him while he nods, and Xavi keeps patting his back.

 

Then Sergio suddenly realized he needs someone on his side in this, Fernando already has Juan, and the fact that David is on Fernando’s side means his whole clan in there too. David Villa is this all round nice guy that everybody likes and respects, he says something and everybody just want to listen so he is positive that Xavi, cesc, pique, silva, jordi and a good number of their team mates would take Fernando’s side if this came to a fight or whatever.

 

Navas is his only ally but Fernando seems to have an X marked on Navas as his target and he is really not trying to offend Fernando anymore than he already is.

 

"Can you meet me in the toilet in 10 minutes please? I need to talk to you and I don't want anymore attention" he gestures to the people that are still staring at him.

 

"10 minutes" Juan acknowledges and walks off

 

*

Sergio scanned the room hastily in desperation until he found what he sought.

 

"I need you please come with me"

 

Sergio says to his family away from family. His brother among brothers Iker Casillas

 

Iker let's Sergio drag him into the toilet silently with no words.

 

Once they are sure they are alone in the room Iker gives Sergio the look indicating that Sergio should start talking.

 

"You saw the whole thing right?" Sergio was talking about what just happened with Fernando in the hall way a few minutes ago of which Iker had seen as it unraveled and had also noticed the tension before they entered the toilet but chose to say nothing. Iker just nods and acted ignorant

 

"But what happened?"

 

He asked Sergio. Iker has an idea of what happened. He had managed to put two and two together from his conversation with Navas to get an insight into the complicated misunderstanding that is Sergio and Fernando's relationship status but he still doesn't really know everything.

 

Iker knows that at this point Sergio doesn't need to hear this from him or listen to anyone try to speculate, all he needs is to hear everything from Fernando's point of view to know what is really going on and find a way to sort it.

 

Sergio began to pace and pull at his hair like he's on something, but really he's just confused and tired of fighting

 

"You know up until now I thought I knew what was going on, in my own life because I was there and I know what I saw? but like after Fernando said those things and almost destroyed Navas" he paused again like he forgot what to say, like there is something much worse than finding out what was really going on. Sergio turned and looked at Iker

 

"I saw his eyes Iker, the way he looked at me, like...like he hated me."

 

Sergio hits his fist against the wall in anguish.  
“What does he mean by “because of the way I am?????” Sergio asked but answered the question himself immediately out of confusion

 

"I don't know.” He paused

 

“I don't even think I know what happened that night, I don't know what happened. I admit it, it’s all my fault. I feel like I screwed up and he deserves better, you know, Juan is good for him. I should probably let -"

 

The doors opening cut the words right out of his mouth. As a very uninterested and irritated looking Juan walked in.

 

***

 

The toilet was large in size; it could hold a capacity of 15 to 20 people in the open space.The stalls where on the left while the sinks were on the right with the large industrial mirror above it. Sergio was standing in front of the sinks with his back facing the mirrors talking to Iker who had his back against one of the empty stalls.  
The opening doors ended their conversation as they focused their attention on Juan who just walked in.

 

“Thank you for meeting me I promise I wont take much of your time and I don't want this to be awkward I just want to make peace” Sergio says to Juan as he walked in through the doors.

 

“Why would this be awkward and peace with who” Juan tries to hide his irritation but its not working. Why would it be awkward between him and Sergio? Is he really trying to be an asshole about his action?

 

Iker noticed the tension that has started to brew amongst these two and watched them closely.

 

“I know that you and Fernando are together so I want you to know that I understand that but I would like to speak to him even if its for a minute because we seem to be having a misunderstanding that I don't understand”

  
The shock and anger that filled Juan's blue eyes were intimidating. Sergio decided to play hard ball.

 

“Did i say something wrong? Or are you guys just sleeping together and not dating yet” Sergio says pretending to be diplomatic while indirectly being spiteful.

 

Juan understood this and he got upset. How shallow could Sergio be? Juan thought but he is done being lenient. He promised Fernando that he would keep his cool but what sort of a friend would he be if he just watched Sergio hurt Fernando, make degrading comments towards him and not say or do anything?

 

“You are such an asshole. that you would think so low of Fernando makes me wonder what kind of a monster you really are” Juan looks at Sergio and all he could see was Fernando’s bloody ankles, and the red colour of the bath that had almost made him loose his mind. Juan closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm him self down because all he wants to do is hurt Sergio the same way he hurt Fernando, to make sure he bleed for his troubles.

 

“You know the reason i’ve been acting like nothing happened is because Fernando made me promise that i won’t act weird around you or break my wrist on your jaw bone because it’s all i’ve wanted to do since that day you were staring at me at the meeting like you lost your mind”  
Juan says all up on Sergio's face pushing him backward with his strong hand and upper body strength

 

“Hey am trying to be amicable here but you are just being impossible, am not the one who plotted and stole my boy friend, and decided to flaunt it in front of me everywhere.” Sergio paused “you know you are not as nice as everyone thinks you are you... are just sly and i am disgusted that Fernando doesn’t see it”

 

Sergio pushed Juan away from him with the same amount of strength that Juan used to shove him but Juan swayed sideways with force and used his hip to hit the edge of one of the sink.

 

 _ **“FUCKING BASTARD!!!”**_ Juan screamed as he launched forward towards Sergio. His fist made contact with Sergio’s lower jaw, catching his lip and cutting the edge in two.

 

Everything happened so fast Iker couldn’t step in to stop it. He had been almost invincible but was keeping a close eye on them. As the boys regained composure and were going in for another set of punches, Iker rushed in at this point and grabbed Sergio away from Juan because he perceived Sergio’s breath earlier and he knows what Sergio can do when he is like this. But he seemed to have gotten his math wrong because Juan had a more graphic motivation for wanting to hurt Sergio.

 

Juan charged towards Iker and attacked him. He managed to pull Iker to the side before giving Sergio a hard blow to the head. Iker immediately abandoned Sergio and rushed after Juan...

 

“Hey calm down” Iker says in a kind and amicable tone, not just as a captain or a leader but as a friend to Juan, a manner Sergio had lacked in his approach. Juan still had the killer instinct in his eyes but the sight of Sergio made him happy. The cut on his lip produced more blood than intended and it had stained Sergio’s white shirt which sort of made him a bloody mess.

 

The blow to his head gave him a cut at the corner of his eyebrow and there was a mass of settled blood that was forming a dark spot on the side of his right cheekbone.

 

Juan started to calm down and listen to Iker until Sergio opens his mouth again from the sink where he was trying to clean his lip up.

 

“That’s a hard punch from a little guy... who knew the midget could throw punches” Sergio mocked in pain

 

“I don't know what he see’s in you but you are bad news” Juan replied to Sergio’s insult above Iker's shoulders

 

“And you are good news?” Sergio paused and made a sound of anguised before turning and began walking towards Juan and Iker

 

“Because you’ve finally had your dick in him you think you can talk to me how ever you want?”

 

The expression on Juan's face said it all... he is ready to be arrested for murder. This is actually the day that Sergio Ramos was going to die.

 

Juan pushed Iker away towards the stalls, this time with a lot more force. Iker wasn’t expecting it so he lost his balance and found the floor his head causing a dent on one of the wooden stalls.

 

Sergio seeing that Iker wasn’t in sight, engaged with Juan. But Juan had a plan before today. He had wanted to end him, hurt him and make him feel pain for all the pain he caused to Fernando.

 

Juan set himself ready as Sergio approached him with his right fist folded into a punch and his left hand still nursing his head. When they made contact Juan quickly maneuvered Sergio and grabbed him by his ill tied tie.

 

Sergio started to choke when Juan pulled harder but dint stop trying to fight Juan. Juan grabbed a hand full of Sergio’s suit jacket by the shoulder with one hand and held the tie with the other. With the help of his own body he rammed Sergio into the mirror above the sink. Sergio went head first into the mirrors making a large crack in it.

 

“ _ **What is it? Whisky? Tequilla? Vodka? You asshole**_.” Juan perceived the thick smell of alcohol from Sergio and he is even more irritated.

 

“ Its not even 1pm and you are fucking wasted how many times has he told you to quit but you keep on with it because his words don't matter, his choices are secondary and you just don't care but he keeps loving you and you just keep hurting him when will you stop? Is it when he’s dead?”

 

Juan said into Sergio’s ear before ramming him into the glass again but it just makes an even bigger dent, he was going for a third when he felt Iker’s hands on him.

 

“I swear to God Iker, I will kill him, hang him with his tie and make it look like a suicide if you don’t fucking get of my back”

 

“Juan... JUAN STOP IT!!!... You want to help Fernando, let Sergio go. No matter how hurt he is Fernando would never forgive you if you kill him. You know it and i know it so STOP” iker reprimands because he’s had enough

 

Juan released Sergio and stood back from him to catch his breath. He had managed to give Sergio a beaten like no other. There was blood trickling from his head where it had made contact with the mirror and it looked like Sergio had been attacked with a baseball bat.

 

“Good Juan now back away” Iker commends his self control. Juan does as he is being told because he knows. As much as it hurts him he knows Iker is saying the truth. Fernando would never forgive him if anything happened to Sergio by his hand.

 

“Look at what you did to me you, Jesus Christ look at my suit how am i going to walk out of here” Sergio whined like a stupid frat boy who cares about no one but himself and his precious protein shakes.

 

Juan had had enough of this and he doesn't Know what else to do to make Sergio understand that he needs to stop or they would loose Fernando.

 

“You should be lucky you are walking out at all” Iker dint hesitate to call him out on his bullshit because that is just rude and insensitive. But Juan has really had enough.

 

 _ **“YOU ALMOST KILLED HIM YOU ASSHOLE!!!..**_. the day he fell for you was the day he signed his death wish you big fool” Juan's shouted at the top of his voice but doesnt make any move towards Sergio anymore.

 

“Killed him? What are you talking about?” Iker hadn’t heard that part from his detective show. Now he knew things were more serious than he initially thought.

 

Sergio stopped instantaneously from where he was washing off the blood from his head and face. Hearing that Fernando’s life was in danger brought him back to his senses; the adrenaline that was running through his body because he was shocked with fear wiped out the unconsciousness of the alcohol like a magic trick.

 

“Juan, what are you talking about?” Sergio says with fear in his eyes

 

“Now you want to drop your passive agressive bullshit and talk? I don't think so...Fuck Off” Juan tries to leave but Iker holds him back

 

“Juan, please don’t leave, he’s too strong headed to calm down and see things through. Iker continues talking abut Sergio

 

“he does and says the first thing that jumps into his head and make stupid choices but if there is anything i know and i’m 100% sure of, its how much he loves Fernando. He would do anything for Fernando. Choosing to love Fernando was the best decision he ever made, it was the first time i ever saw him invest in something or think something through. I know. I was there... please talk to him...”

 

Iker looks at Sergio giving him a stern look like he would whop his ass like an elder brother would do to a younger one if he messes up again especially now that Juan was ready to talk.

 

“I’m sorry, Juan i’m very sorry for everything i said and did to you please can we talk? Can we talk about this please?”  
Juan rolled his eyes at Sergio, the only reason he’s staying is Iker.

 

“He started hurting himself again” Juan lays it all bare

 

On hearing those words escape Juan's mouth, Sergio dropped on the edge of the wall with his face blank and his mind in utter confusion. “He’s hurting himself again? But we’ve come a long way” Sergio whispered to himself like someone poured a bucket of ice over his head.

 

“I found him in my bathtub covered in his own blood” Juan says slowly to Iker trying to avoid Sergio “i thought he was dead... i was so scared. I’ve never seen anything like it. I can’t even walk in to that bathroom and not see those images. So you see why I want to kill him? He almost made me loose my best Friend.”

 

“Oh My God!” Iker couldn't help him self. Now he saw where Juan was coming from and he didn't blame him.

 

“I can’t even be sure to leave him alone because he is in a very dark place mentally. I have to follow him every where, always be by his side because i can’t trust him with himself anymore. I know he is trying but the emotions eat deep inside him. Everything he left behind just keeps coming back as he gets hurt” Juan says sadly picturing all that had happened this past month.

 

“But you just wouldn’t stop” he finally looked at Sergio directing the accusation to him.

 

“First what you did to him on your anniversary, then we arrived in Miami and you continued every chance you got, in the basket ball game, on the fucking bus. What were you thinking? You should have known better Sergio”

 

Sergio looks genuinely confused but all he could think about was Fernando. He started to cry silently.The bitterness for himself growing inside of him.

 

“What were you doing in London in plug on the _**26th of May**_ , after telling Fernando you couldn't be with him? ... Because he saw you.” Juan informs.

 

Sergio sniffed and answered Juan like he was in an interrogation room at a police station. “I was in London to see him, i wanted to surprise him so i came to plug”

 

“It dint look like it, i was there i saw you. You were with Navas in the private room, it dint look like you had Fernando in your agender all you wanted to do was fuck Navas there in front of the world”

 

“No, i swear... i had you and Fernando followed and i got all the information i needed of your whereabouts and i decided to come to plug to surprise him before we all go to his house for the big surprise. I swear i have proof i booked my ticket 3 weeks fore 26th, but when I came in I saw the both of you embracing and kissing”

 

Sergio says feeling stupid “he dint call me at all to wish me a happy anniversary and i was worried but when i saw the both of you i just assumed that was the reason”

 

“Me and Fernando.... were kissing?” Juan looked at Sergio with disgust that he would try to make up a story after everything.

 

“Yes. Juan. You were standing somewhere around the middle of the dance floor not too far from a couple of people that looked like they were having a party. He was leaning on you with your heads pressed together and you guys were like that for a very long time”  
Juan suddenly remembers Fernando’s melt down after the run in’s with the engagement couple and he just knew Sergio misunderstood.

 

“Sergio you know my relationship with Fernando and all it entails but you choose to let your imagination overshadow reality. We weren’t kissing like you had in your head it was just a moment we had after i was trying to soothe him. We ran into a couple that were saying how much they loved each other and he started thinking about you and he was worried sick that you didn't call him that maybe something had happened to you.”

 

Now that Juan put words to the moment it might have been what he saw but he just don't know how things got so out of hand.

 

“I just thought...”

 

“No actually you weren't thinking.” Juan interrupts him again. “So because of what you thought you saw you had to do it with Navas to hurt him”

 

Iker perks up here and looked at Sergio who was still helpless on the floor trying to plead his case in disbelief.

 

“What? No I swear I didn't do anything with Navas I would never hurt Fernando like that, Iker please tell him... I would never” Sergio looked at Iker for backup but he is quiet looking at Juan

 

“Well you did once before, and we saw you in that room, when you had Navas pinned to the wall. It was very painful for Fernando to watch.”

 

“He saw that?”

 

Sergio had terror written all over his face. He knows that must have looked bad because even Navas had a total break down about it but how does he explain that he was drinking without getting burned for it again.

 

“No. no .no... Juan it’s not what you think you have to believe me... I wasn't in my right mind, I wasn't stable and I was being a Dick to everyone that night” Sergio tried to explain without making reference to alcohol

 

“So i heard” Juan jumped in, rolling his eyes and thinking about Neon Pebbles and her encounter with him

 

“I don't think you can explain your way out of this one by saying you were not in your right mind, and it was Navas. How stupid can you be? This has happened before, how do you expect me to believe that you haven't been cheating on Nando with Navas” Juan tells him as it is because there is no need to sugar coat it.

 

He has history with Navas of a similar situation that it is hard to believe it wasn’t intentional. He’s done it before, whats to say he won’t do it again.

 

“I think someone slipped me something and I took it or i just had too much to drink because even Navas, I hurt him... twice but i swear to you I dint do anything with Navas. I was unaware of my actions but I didn't do it. He helped me plan the whole surprise party for Fernando but i never had sex with Navas” Sergio by this time had broken down and was in tears trying to beg Juan to understand.

 

Juan paused for a very long time before speaking  
“So you were drinking again?...” Juan rage increased but he made no attempt to move close to Sergio

 

“I don't think you understand how this is ruining your life. Every time you’ve made a horrible decision that has affected you badly is because you were intoxicated. I am only choosing to believe it’s the alcohol because i want to have faith in you for Fernando’s sake but I can not be of any help if you keep ignoring what he wants” Juan paused and then continued.

 

**_“I know he loves you. Fernando’s heart lies with you but there is only so much the heart can take. When something that protects you turns around and starts tormenting you, you don't feel safe.”_ **

****

Sergio wiped his face with the back of his palm but that doesn't stop the tears from rolling down his face. Sergio is scared out of his mind, terrified that he might loose Fernando completely now. Yes he made a mistake with is plan but even if he’s forgiven for his miscommunication there is still a lot of reasons for Fernando to walk out of his life forever.

 

He’s been there for Fernando for the bad times and they’ve worked so hard to get Fernando where he is today. But hearing that all that work of Fernando getting better had been lost because of lackadaisical attitude and his stupid idea of being romantic is making him hate himself.

 

***

 

“How is he?” Was the only thing Sergio could say?

 

“What do you think?” Juan rolled his eyes at him

 

“I just want to know how he is really doing... please. I never suspected anything”

 

Sergio looked at both Juan and Iker with plea in his eyes begging for someone to tell him something.  
Juan dint feel the need to talk anymore because he’s said enough already but Iker gave him a sign with a head nod encouraging him to please talk to Sergio.

 

“Well, he’s been all right since we got here, still taking his medication to calm his nerves but seem to relapse whenever he see’s you and Navas together because he still thinks about what he saw. Like that day of the Miami heat game... I don't know what happened on that bus but you messed him up” Juan recalled the events that had occurred how Fernando was so distraught and upset

 

“Yeah, I saw that I dint know what was going on at first but he was in tears the whole ride” Iker chips in and Sergio looks up in surprise.

 

“And you dint tell me? Iker you should have told me maybe-“

 

“Maybe what, you wouldn’t drink and mess everything up? Because you seem to just do that without a trigger these days” Juan scolds

 

“I saw you follow him into the toilet in the Maimi heat game... i heard you guys in there exchanging words like lovers what was i supposed to think? I had set my mind on talking and then everything happened so fast... I didn’t know then all I knew now” he put his head down in regret

 

“Some times when things happen you need to calm down and think before you act because your first opinion is not always right… I have to follow Fernando everywhere because he has become suicidal again. You should know more than anyone not to trigger his stressors but you stirred him anyway”

 

“Sergio you are just acting like a child... always on edge! Is there something going on that you are not telling us? You’ve been on edge since in all your decisions about Fernando. What’s going on?”

 

Iker asked him because he was concerned. Sergio is always careful when it comes to Fernando, even when someone says Fernando did something in the past Sergio would fight for his honour till the end but now he just believes in two minutes like he is looking for a reason to find fault with Fernando.

 

***

After about 1hour of clearing the air and exchanging stories, Sergio and Juan had now heard from both sides and understood that this whole thing was a giant mistake.

 

Iker stood there in awe. This is how people die for no reason, marriages and relationships just go down the drain because of a mistake, a misunderstanding that should have been handled immediately.

 

“So now that we know what happened what are you going to do about it” Iker asked because they know the truth but Fernando doesn't and he needs to know.

 

“Well I know Fernando won’t take this well, for so many other reasons that are out of my hands” Juan looks at Sergio making him understand that he is referring to him.

 

“I can’t force him to do anything he doesn't want to do, but i will talk to him.” Juan reassure’s both Sergio and Iker that he would help make Fernando come to terms with the situation.

 

“Thank you Juan but could you please arrange for me to see him? I really want to see him and talk to him Please” Sergio pleads again

 

“I will talk to him about it but you have to do something as well because I wont force him a second time if he refuses” Juan tells him, reassuring Iker that he would do his best for Sergio before turning to Sergio.

 

“The next time you hurt him I will make sure an ambulance comes and get you” Juan says his final words to Sergio before making an exit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank You all for reading and the comments both here, tumblr and Lj its been great. we are coming to the end of the story guys... by next update i'll put up how many chapters left.


	9. I Won't Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juan see's reason with Iker and decided to give Sergio a chance with Fernando again, but will Sergio blow up his chance or resolve the situation?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some of you knew what happened but i'll just say again. I had a rough couple of week because i lost all my files and work but i've been trying to get back into writing and now we are here with an update.

_**“** _ **I Won’t Go”**

__

_**“I know he loves you. Fernando’s heart lies with you but there is only so much the heart can take. When something that protects you turns around and starts tormenting you, you don't feel safe.”** _

__

***

By the time the event of the day was over and they were back at their hotel, a couple of the Guys hung around in the corridors and in the lounge just to relax from the day because they leave for Brazil in the morning. But as he walked pass, Fernando could her whispers of different sort, he heard some people saying that Juan beat Sergio to a pulp, some are saying Sergio was taken to the hospital. He also heard someone describing the amount of blood and the broken Mirror and he was now concerned that people might start asking questions and what happened to him in the past month might be known by everyone.

 

They are his team mates and he considers a good number of them friends but he likes his personal business to be his personal business. It was like a whirl wind inside of Fernando; having had that disastrous conversation with Sergio and seeing Sergio, holding him and touching him, his emotions were all over the place.

 

He shouldn’t feel like this. Fernando tried to advice himself. He shouldn’t be thinking about how touching Sergio made him feel, how the little conversation really made him feel inside. He shouldn’t be listening to his body or the yearning of his skin burning for Sergio’s touch, or the longing in his heart, he should focus on the situation at hand and how Sergio hurt him.

 

*  
Juan walks in and finds Fernando arranging their room and putting everything in order.He peeked at his side of the room and all his things that were scattered around are gone, he noticed that his suit case was packed ready to go and he pieced in the puzzle. He looked and saw that Fernando had also packed his own bags too and was now trying to put the hotel room the way they met it. Juan knew he was trying to calm down but what he’s about to tell him might do the opposite.

 

*  
“Did you really hit him till he bled?” Fernando asked Juan the moment he caught a glimpse of him walking through the door

 

“Yes I did and i’m not sorry I did it. so if you are going to-“

 

“No... i’m not going to say anything or give you trouble for it” Fernando replied

 

“am glad you finally did because its been piling up, I told you to stay away from all this since the beginning and you have done nothing else but that, because you are always looking out for me but you needed to sort your anger and I get it” Fernando replied him picking up his remaining stuff from the bed.

 

“Well, I have to tell you something...”Juan paused

 

“It is about Sergio” he added seriously

 

“I really don’t want to hear it. If he’s in the hospital I think I already heard that and i really dont care”

 

“No, that’s not it and I know you really want to hear this. You have to” Juan says all serious and Fernando gives him his wrapped attention as they settled on one of the beds.

 

*  
When Juan explained everything to Fernando he dint speak. He just looked into space. Juan told him everything in detail; he connected all the dots just like he and Iker had done for Sergio. He told Fernando everything from the reason he was stood up to why he was ignored, why Navas was there and how what they saw was wrong, he explained the Maimi heat game to him, how it was his mistake because Navas was telling Sergio to confront him and not trying to get in his pants.

 

Juan had explained how it was a huge misunderstanding on the bus and that Sergio never had sex with Navas even though he was drunk and the reason he was drunk was because he misunderstood that Juan was only comforting Fernando in the toilet and there was nothing else happening, it was just his mind making him hear what it thought.

 

It was all too much for Fernando to take in at once. He was quiet for too long a time but then he sprang up from the Bed and started pacing.

 

“So what am I suppose to do? Forget?”

Fernando looked at Juan with both hands swaying up and down

 

“what do you want me to do?... what does he want me to do?... Run back to him like nothing happened? Pretend like he didnt hurt me because of his stupid plan? Or his inability to think that he dint resolve this earlier?, that he was so stupid to talk to me...”

 

Juan know he’s not being fair because they are both at fault, he repeatedly told Fernando to make the call but he never did and for whatever reason Sergio stayed clear of making contact as well. It’s a clear misunderstanding from both ends but Sergio have a lot more riding on his mistake and Fernando has been through a lot that Juan doesn't know if their relationship can withstand this storm.

 

“It’s just a misunderstanding from both ends Fernando” Juan tries

 

“A misunderstanding?... doesn't mean he didn’t hurt me... doesn't mean this past month dint happen” Fernando looked at Juan with his blurry eyes, turning red from anger and grief. Juan stood up as well moving closer to Fernando.

 

“He is hurting Fernando,” Juan proposed so Fernando can see reasons but he kept on arguing the matter

 

_“Well, I am hurting”_ he turns around and speaks to Juan in a high pitch to make a point, since Juan had suddenly forgotten all that had happened. “ I have been hurting, I am Fucking Hurt” Fernando wasn’t taking any chances to see reason so Juan decided to drop it on him

 

“He’s been hurting as much as you have... and he is here” Juan finally lets him in on what he did  
Juan dint wait for him to react or digest the information, he opened the door and revealed Sergio who had been listening to their conversation accompanied by Iker.

 

*  
Sergio had cleaned up and now had a plaster at the corner of his eyebrow where Juan had hit him and behind his ears, apparently when he rammed into the mirror he had a nasty cut and that was why the blood was more than the actual wounds. He appeared contused and raddled with the laceration on his lips and the bruises on his face but he also looked clean and very attractive. He had changed into comfortable Jeans and a t-shirt to go.

 

When Fernando caught a glimpse of Sergio his heart sunk and there was a funny feeling in his stomach. He dint know what to do, how to react or how to feel. All the emotions came rushing in at the same time. He was still filled with rage from his conversation with Juan but he was also feeling excitement that Sergio was there in the same room with him.

 

Fernando couldn't help but also feel irritated, disgusted and agitated towards everything that had happened and how he went through all that for nothing.He looked away and felt hurt and betrayed, but when he looked at Sergio’s face he felt love and longing for the boy he fell in love with at such a young age.

 

Fernando just stood there saying and doing nothing as Sergio walked into the hotel room he shared with Juan with Iker trailing behind.

 

“Fernando, I know all this is too much to take in at once but I spoke to Juan and we decided that the best thing is to bring you both together, you’ve been away from each other for too long holding on to a grudge based on untrue occurrences, we think its best if you both speak to each other”

 

Iker says to Fernando who has made no attempt to receive them. Sergio was standing by the door looking scared out of his mind, keeping his distance from both Juan and Fernando.

 

“Nando he’s right... I will never agree to this if I dint think it was best for you. It needs to be resolved now. Whatever is going on here” Juan gestures between him and Sergio “I know it’s not easy but talk to him. Even if you don't go all the way and it’s not over at least start a conversation and start sorting it out”

 

Juan say’s touching Fernando’s shoulder. Fernando looked into his eyes and Juan nods at him to accept. Fernando blinks at him but dint say a word and Juan understood that he was ready.

 

“I will just be down the hall” Juan tells Fernando

 

Juan gave Iker a look and they both made their move to leave the room so that Fernando and Sergio can have their privacy. Before Juan left he went close to Sergio and whispered something to him. “You do as little as upset him and i’ll hurt you” Sergio just nods in acknowledgement and watched the door close behind Iker and Juan.

 

*  
They both stood in silence for about ten minutes; not looking at each other and keeping a wide distance from the other. Fernando had managed to move all the way to the other end of the room where his suitcases rested on his wardrobe, While Sergio stood against the door on Juan side of the room staring at the floor.

 

But Fernando suddenly starts talking unexpectedly. Sergio thought he was going to be the one to start talking but Fernando made the first move again. Just like in everything else between them.

 

“You Hurt me” Fernando avoids Sergio’s piercing eyes as he began to speak. “ I dint know what to think, or what to do, you hurt me really bad... what am I suppose to do? He gives a rhetorical question because he was genuinely confused and it was obvious but Sergio felt the need to answer

 

“I did... I hurt you and I regret it... I didn't mean to, all i wanted to do was to make you happy, I wanted to show you how much I love you but I screwed up” Sergio made a move to come closer but Fernando retrieved so he stopped moving.

 

“what am I suppose to do? Pretend that none of this happened?” He looked at younger man who was wearing an apologetic face, a demeanour of regret and shame

 

“Just move on? Pretend about the fact that I am now a patient again after 5 years of getting better, pretend that i dint almost take my life because you made me feel like i was damaged and you dint want me because I was unlovable” he looked at Sergio with tears streaming down his eyes while his chest heaved.

 

“You are not unlovable, I love you. I’ve always loved you and i all always love you. You are the best thing that ever happened to me” the defender opens his heart in honesty but the striker’s wounds are deep.

 

“What do you want me to do Sergio?” is he supposed to just walk away from all this because Sergio said three words that mean nothing to him right now. Fernando gets upset thinking about it all

 

“You want me to pretend that I am not back to relying on this!!!” Fernando grabbed a medium sized plastic container filled with pills and threw it at Sergio. The cap comes off and the pills go everywhere but the container hits Sergio is the face. He dint mean for it to hit Sergio but it did anyway.

 

Sergio see’s the size of the pills and he feels a pang in his heart. He feels Fernando’s pain and it breaks him. He knows how much Fernando hated relying on his pills to calm him down when he’s depressed or having anxiety or just needs to relax. Fernando hated being handicapped without them but finally stopped taking them a Few years ago and it was a big deal. But after the incident that happened, he’s back to where he started.

 

“Fernando... i...” Sergio tried. Looking at the pills on the floor and the pain in his lovers voice. He looked at the man he loved and all he felt back was hate.

 

“You should have known better” Fernando accused him still in tears.... “You should have known better than to play games” Fernando repeats a little more quietly dropping to the floor. He hates to admit and it burned his vocal cords as he deemed himself weak in his statement.

 

“I know... I wasn’t thinking... i’m sorry”. Sergio knows that Fernando is fragile. He has come a long way and has gotten better but at the same time it’s not a physical wound. Its something that happened on the inside, Fernando has healed but you don't know the capacity of his heart still. You don't know how much he can take before there is a relapse but he pushed it, he pushed Fernando because he was being selfish.

 

“i though that..mayb-“

 

“no you weren’t thinking, because i’m not important enough to think about before you make decisions. Fernando slammed his head against his wardrobe

 

Sergio was scared that Fernando was going to hurt himself. He moved to where Fernando was and went down on both knees in front of him with his head down in shame.

 

“I am so sorry Fer...please forgive me. I dint mean to hurt you” Sergio sounds like he was going to choke on his words and Fernando looked at him. Sergio was not sobbing he was actually crying. The tears were streaming down his face he runs his hand in his hair following the patter his hair had been cut as he kept crying.

 

“Please... please Nando I made a mistake, a mistake I regret with the whole of my heart, my plan was never to hurt you ... you mean everything to me. What am i suppose to do without you in my life? You are my routine, you are my guide. No matter how much i want to deny it my world revolves around and you and its the happiest thing in My life”

 

“I don't know that... you never tell me...” Fernando shook his head in disagreement breathing slowly as he spoke

 

“you never show me, you don't do anything i want. You only do what you think I want and what you want to do. But when I ask, you shut me down. My opinion don't matter and that is not Love” Fernando raised his head and looked Sergio in the eye  
“Maybe we have been co-existing too long that we mistake tolerance and compatibility for love” Fernando sniffs trying to fight the tears

 

“Maybe you don't love me any more and you are just trying too hard to make this work but its okay I can let you go because I want to mean something to someone, I want to feel loved,respected and appreciated and I don't feel that with you any more” the tears were rolling but he couldn’t stop looking at Sergio. He knows Sergio is the love of his life, but maybe he just isin't Sergio’s and if that's the case he cant let them both continue to punish each other.

 

“No...our lives together hasn’t even started. How can it be over like that? I am not in doubt I know I want to be with you as long as my heart beats”

 

he put his hand on Fernando’s knee but Sergio knows what all this is about and he has avoided it too long.He has been so distant and aloof that he is hurting the source of his happiness and he is slipping away from him. He can’t loose Fernando because he would loose his mind.

 

“but i cant get help, i couldn't get help...not then and not now either” Sergio’s voice comes across and if his deepest secret was on the show. Boycotting Fernando’s farewell speech because Sergio isin't ready for his relationship to be over

 

Fernando looks at him, but not in confusion. He looks at Sergio with surprise in his eyes because they are talking about something he wants to talk about

 

“I can’t do it Fer... I cant get help”

 

“But its all i’ve ever wanted for you...For us. You keep drinking and you keep hurting me and you end up hurting us both... why don't you want to get help?”

 

“because i love You and I want to be there for you”

 

He looks closely at Fernando. They are both hurting, they booth look awful and the pain can be seen on their faces and its so sad that they are here. All he wanted was to take care of Fernando but whatever he tried to do ended in shambles.

 

*  
“I couldn’t do it then because you needed me. I had to take care of you. I had to be strong for you. We can’t both be weak because no one would look out for you. And i can’t do it now because of what i’ve done, i’ve brought you to a dangerous and low point again and now we have to pick up the pieces and start all over. We have to make you better again... I have to be strong for us” Sergio says from his heart.

 

Fernando needed support, just the way Juan takes care of him now. He needs to be watched and around people that love him. Sergio was always with him, it was like that vacation that never ends but it was their life. He used Fernando as an opportunity to overlook his own problems.

 

Fernando stood up from the floor and walked away from Sergio. He stood in front of the dressing mirror looking at himself.

 

“if you love me at all...you will get help and stop drinking.”

 

He takes a closer look at himself and now see’s everything. He flinches as he continued to asess his body. How much his body had changed in the past month; He had lost so much weight and his collar bones were visible. His hair cut dint do him any favours and his face looked like he hadn't slept in months.

 

“I may look wrecked, like am about to drop dead in a minute, I may have almost taken my own life but I am not damaged... I don't need fixing. I am strong. That is how I see myself and that is how I want you to see me. That’s how i’ve always wanted you to see me but you think am damaged and i can’t do without you” he wiped the tears with the back of his palm

 

“Juan understands. He knows am strong. He respects my decisions and he listens to my opinions. He shows concern and is always there for me because i need help sometimes, but he never looks at me the way you do, with pity like you are my support worker. He never makes me feel like I did in high school he’s never made me feel unwanted, broken and unlovable. He shows sincere worry but he never walks on eggshells around me.”

 

Sergio goes weak because he doesn't know what to do. Fernando doesn't feel safe with him. Fernando doesn't see that he loves him with his life. He doesn't see that everything he does is because he loves him. But hearing all those words from Fernando’s lips he knows he needs to find a balance and remember that Fernando is his boyfriend not his wounded pet, he is man with pride too and above all He needs to get his life sorted and back on track

 

Sergio stood up from where he was kneeling to apologise and walked to where Fernando was looking at himself in the mirror and stood behind him staring into the mirror as well.

 

“I Love you. I loved you from the first day i got to know you. I dint know it was love but i knew i wanted to be with you and make you happy everyday. I knew I wanted to take care of you not because there was anything wrong with you but because I wanted you to feel safe with me, feel respected and loved. This past months i’ve been stupid and Naive, Blind and insolent to have been so shallow to hurt you.”

 

Sergio pulled closer to him. He knows the story and everything had been explained but seeing all that happened he needed to talk about it. I never meant to hurt you like i did, i never shared a bed with Navas, we did not have sex, not that night in plug, not after the hotel and not after the Maimi heat game. I do admit I was messed up and I wanted to kiss him both times because I thought I had lost you forever but that is no excuse for my actions” He swallowed hard

 

“I was drinking.now it’s getting out of hand because i dint listen to you and am sorry. I don't want you to leave me... I will quit drinking. I will stop and I will get help so I can be healthy and you can feel safe with me again because I want to be with you.”

 

Sergio rested his hands on Fernando’s shoulders. And he dint pull away. Fernando looked into his eyes through the mirror and he see’s honesty behind the tears that still filled Sergio’s eyes.

 

“it’s you I want to be with, I love you Fer... please forgive me and my ignorance. I can’t believe I almost killed you. Please forgive me. I hope you still love me too and we can move pass this. I hope it’s not the end of the road for us because I don't know if I can survive without you in my life”

 

Fernando still has a lot to say but his words are clouded by Sergio’s hands on him. its been months and he’s missed Sergio’s gentle touch, the way he holds him and caresses his skin like he is a petal.

 

“Am sorry” Fernando apologises instead. He also played a part in this by being silent and not trying to understand what was really going on. Although his hurt was deep and long coming he dint make an effort.

 

“You don't need to apologise... you did nothing wrong.”

 

Sergio says to him and unconsciously lean into the striker. He encircled his hands around Fernando and held him in a hug from behind. It’s the first time they’ve made contact since before they started fighting. Sergio’s desire took over his body and he immediately started kissing Fernando’s neck. His hands began to rove, caressing the Fernando’s torso, his fingers brushing again silky warm skin.

 

Fernando tips his head back in approval his eyes fluttering closed, enjoying the feeling of Sergio’s lips and hand’s on him. It’s been too long. His insides were burning like he was going to explode with sensation. Sergio quickly worked Fernando’s shirt off and hummned into his neck when he felt Fernando’s warm body. Fernando’s breath quickened when Sergio began to snake an arm to his lower abdomen. Sergio ran his fingers around the waist line of Fernando’s boxer briefs but dint invade him.

 

Fernando moaned slightly, he wanted Sergio to touch him. He wanted to feel Sergio on him and inside of him. Fernando turned his head to the side edging towards Sergio’s face begging to be kissed by Sergio. Sergio gave him everything he wanted because he also longed for him.

 

Sergio licked Fernando’s lips before attaching their lips together in a brutal kiss. Fernando pulled his hand up and grabbed Sergio by the head behind him, struggling to get their lips as close as he could because he wasn’t getting enough of Sergio. Fernando moaned slightly against Sergio’s lips when the younger man used the pad of his thumb to run down the outline of Fernando’s penis in his trousers. The muscle reacted to the touch and started pulsing. Sergio couldn't take it any more he wanted to hold Fernando.

 

Sergio quickly undid Fernando’s zipper and shoved his hands down his pants, palming the muscle and squeezing with intent. Fernando pushed his hips into Sergio’s hand moving them forward and into the mirror. Sergio used his left hand to wage them before they went head first into the mirror.

 

*

When they pulled away to catch their breath and regain balance, Fernando turned around to face Sergio, his back pressed against the mirror. It was like a magnetic reaction. Their lips found each other again, both kissing the other hungrily and more aggressively. Sergio’s hands moved quickly and soon he had Fernando’s roundness in both hands with his trousers and boxer briefs at his ankles. He squeezed Fernando’s bottom with his firm hands using his grip on him to slam their thighs together. Sergio continued to grind his shaft against Fernando’s growing hard on while sucking on his lips.

 

Fernando made an attempt to take of Sergio’s trousers but the younger man scooped him off the floor like a prize he won at an auction. And soon Fernando was on the bed naked, Sergio had pulled the element of clothing that gathered at his feet and was hovering over him. Sergio cupped the side of Fernando face with his hand, staring into his eyes. Fernando’s eyes were sincere and true looking back at him with intensity behind those eyes. There were no longer hate, he knew they still had a lot to talk about but Fernando looked at him and he saw affection in his eyes.  
Looking closely at Fernando, Sergio could see how much weight Fernando had lost. How much paler he looked and the increased definition of his freckles, Sergio could see the heavy load of the past few month in the face of the man that he loves. He moved lower to look at his body. Sergio kissed through his Adams apple, resting to kiss the hollow in his collar bone which was more hollow that usual.

 

He wasn’t skinny and unhealthy, he looked good but Sergio had seen all of him it was easy for him to see the difference.He noticed the drop in muscle mass on Fernando pecs as he moved further to kiss his chest. Licking his nipples and he moved further down. Fernando’s waist was slender; his V that paved the way to his penis was more defined. It looked chiseled in like he’s been working out and Sergio swallowed hard.

 

He nibbed at his waist, kissing and licking at the hipbone, Fernando arch his back and moaned when Sergio’s wet tongue touch his thigh. Sergio was tempted to suck in the hard muscle that was by his jaw but he continued to adorn Fernando’s body with kisses. He moved down to Fernando’s legs and kissed his knee, he held Fernando’s ankles and felt a line that felt like a healed cut. He instantly knew what it was. Fernando flinched and tried to pull his legs away.

 

“its okay” Sergio whispered looking up at Fernando from where he was at his feet. They made eye contact and Fernando was a bit embarrassed because he didn't want Sergio to see his scar, where he had cut his vein to end his life. Sergio caresses his ankles to sooth him and placed a gentle kiss on the scar before moving up to meet Fernando.

 

Sergio lay on his side his face inches away from Fernando’s he whispered in his ears, “its okay... i wont do that again if you don't want me to” he kissed him light on the side of his neck.

 

“take it off”

 

Fernando whispered back at Sergio. His eyes glued to his body that was still hidden beneath the clothes. Sergio obeyed. He did as he was told, slowly shedding his shirt and his trousers follow soon, giving Fernando the pleasure of a strip tease. Fernando watched him with Lust in his eyes and swallowed hard when Sergio took his briefs off and his dick bobs free.

 

Sergio’s penis is like Fernando remember’s. Thick and firm when erect, with his balls tight at the end. The veins running through the penis were visible as they were straining for release. the slightly pink slit was glistering with pre-cum where Sergio had been aroused by Fernando’s body.

 

“come here”

Fernando whispered inaudibly because he was horny as fuck. When Sergio put his knee on the bed Fernando separated his legs immediately giving Sergio room to settle between his legs. Sergio was going in to pleasure Fernando with his tongue but he had waited too long for this, he hadn’t been touched by another man in almost 3 months and his body couldn't take it any more.

 

“No teasing...!” Fernando moaned when Sergio licked his entrance “Just do it” he loves a good rim job but right now he wants to be fucked. He wants to feel Sergio strong and hard inside him taking him hard and sweet.

 

Sergio obliged but decided to take him in his mouth instead, while he pumped himself ready. Sergio’s mouth was warm and incredibly wet , Fernando put a hand behind his head pulling him lower and deep into his thigh. Sergio continued to swallow him until Fernando felt the head of his penis hit the back of Sergio’s throat. Fernando gasped breathing even harder when Sergio started bobbing his head, twirling his tongue around the muscle and licking the slit slightly which caused Fernando to wriggle helplessly beneath him.

 

Sergio’s penis was ready to go and Fernando was on the edge breathing fast and occasionally moaning. Sergio coaxed Fernando into raising his right leg up while he tried to press himself through the tightness. “ _arrrhhhww”_ Fernando moaned in pain. It’s been too long.

 

Sergio knew he was going to be tight but not this tight, Fernando opened his eyes and looked and Sergio “keep going” Fernando urged him on in a whisper.

 

“I don't want to hurt you” Sergio replied and kissed him on the forehead before wetting his fingers in his mouth and inside Fernando they went.

 

Sergio applied more saliva to lube him up, he continued the process preparing Fernando till he felt like he could push in without causing him too much pain. Fernando Just lay there playing with himself while Sergio worked him open. They weren’t prepared for this; Sergio din’t come prepared because he dint expect them to have sex, and Fernando dint even know he would get to talk to Sergio let alone have his penis inside him. This was spontaneous they had no Lube no condom. Oh yes! Condom... Sergio remembers while he pulled out his finger’s?

 

“condom?” he breathe against Fernando’s face... “No... there is nobody self...just” Fernando says shyly... “except you” he tried to asked Sergio but Sergio reassured him “there is no one else either” its almost like Fernando dint believe him as he retreated for a second but they stare at each other and he was relaxed again, almost like a felt safe with him and Sergio’s heart pumped with joy.

 

Without wasting any more time he pressed against the ring of muscle, and soon he was in. Fernando was warm and tight Sergio couldn't wait. He started thrusting immediately, going slow at first. He slid his penis in and out of Fernando moving to a steady rhythm still stretching him open.

 

Sergio continued in that manner for a couple of minutes until his thrust were no longer restricted. Fernando’s hole was accustomed to the size of the penis and had contracted to give it more room.Sergio increased his pace slamming into Fernando harder and deeper each time.

 

Fernando’s moans were louder than usual, he screamed each time Sergio grazed over his prostate. Sergio could swear people walking past in the hall way could hear them going at it. Fernando was moaning with pleasure and satisfaction and Sergio was getting off on it. Seeing Fernando moan like that during sex, with his eyes fluttered closed his head tipped back,mouth slightly open while his fingers dug into Sergio thigh’s gripping tight and pulling him in to go deeper.

 

_“urrhgg....ugghhmm..urrr... Sergiooo”_

 

Fernando moaned his name and Sergio looses it, he increased his pace fucking Fernando harder. The slap of skin on skin feeling the room, the bed was creaking and Sergio was grunting with every thrust.

 

_“hmmggmm...unnnmfff...unnmff”_

 

“Fuck”

 

Sergio’s balls tighten and his penis contracts, Fernando knew and he quickened the hand on his own dick jerking himself off. soon there was a warm array of jizz flowing on his knuckles and onto his stomach... Fernando climaxed with a scream that sounded like a grunt, but Sergio was still fucking him.

 

Sergio slammed into him a couple more times before pulling out. He dint want to cum inside Fernando. He worked his hand on his penis and emptied his seed on Fernando’s abdomen before dropping like a log on him. They kiss with the sensation of sex after glow, the high made them make out for a couple of minutes before Sergio moved to lay on his side by Fernando.

 

***

They lay down in awkward silence not believing what just happened. They hadn’t finished resolving what they had to resolve but they were caught in the moment. Sergio dint know what to do next, Fernando had said he was sorry to but he also hinted he had a couple of question and now they’ve just had sex. He knows this could end up badly and ill interpreted, he prays nothing of that sort happens but before he could say anything Fernando was on it.

 

“why did you pull out?...i told you to do it” Fernando says to Sergio inquisitive “or did you lie to me?...did you ?” Fernando asked a bit panicky if Sergio had slept with someone else it would be a stupid move to not use a condom.

 

“no...no... I didn’t. My right hand have been my companion for the past few months...its just you’re not into it and i dint want you doing it to please me”

 

Sergio tries to explain but its like he committed a blunder because Fernando rolled his eyes and moved away. He grabs his boxer briefs from the floor and starts wiping himself clean the grudge and distrust starting to find its way back because they hadn't cleared the air properly before they had sex. Sergio fell silent again.

 

“well, I now your plan failed and all so i dint get my surprise, so do you mind telling me what it was all about? Because i’ve been with you for almost 10 years and you will never treat me the way you did just for a couple of lights and a first date recreation... that's just bullshit... out with it” Fernando was actually smiling now asking Sergio.  
But Sergio hesitated, and started avoiding eye contact.

 

“It was just you know the excitement of seeing me and the first date recreating and just you and me, you know the high of happiness... it would have been great.”

 

Sergio wasn’t making sense and Fernando knew instantly that he was lying.

“Are you still keeping stuff from me?...after everything i’ve been through becAuse of this stupid plan, after all you said to me you still wouldn’t come clean?” Fernando looked him in the eye and all he could say was

 

“Am sorry “

 

“Don’t be sorry just come clean, stop lying to me...”

 

“Am sorry that’s all there is” he lied again

 

“We just had sex, I let You fuck me...and you are holding back on me... was this your plan all along?” Fernando was pissed off, he felt cheated and used. He quickly grabbed the sheets and held them over his body covering his nakedness from Sergio lke it would give him back a little bit of his dignity.

 

“No Fernando we were caught in a Moment i dint know any of this would happen..” Sergio tried to explain that its not what he thinks but he came across a little irritated and too strong. He would never use him for sex and the idea was driving him crazy

“I’m going to have to ask you to leave” Fernando raised his voice.

 

 

“But we have a couple of things to talk about” Sergio realising his tone calmed down

 

 

Fernando gave him a stern look

“we’ve done way more than talking and this is a enough talking for one day. I need you to get out of my room”

 

 

“Fernando I swear there is nothing to tell” Sergio lied again and its worse that Fernando saw right through him  
“fucking get OUT” fernando screamed because it was so obvious that Sergio was hiding something and its pathetic when someone lies to you and you know it. its pathetic but more hurtful in the context in which it just took place.

 

 

Before Sergio could finish wearing his Trousers Juan and Iker were in the room. Their faces dropped still when they saw the state of the room and the two boys. It was obvious what just happened but why Fernando is screaming and Sergio was hurriedly trying to leave was alien to them

“What the fuck did you do now?” Juan growled at Sergio but he wasn’t asking...”just leave”  
Sergio picked up his remaining clothes and shoes in his hands and walked out the door with Iker.

 

*

"I dint see that one coming, i had a lot of scenarios but none ended with both of you naked" Juan paused "This plan was a disaster, i shouldn't have put you on the spot like that" Juan was concerned but a quick glance as Fernando's face reduced his worry

 

“its fine, Your plan was great” Fernando fought the urge to smiled and Juan grinned. He knew the sex was great if the state of their room was anything to go by.

 

  
“but are you okay?” Juan asked again because he wanted to be safe than sorry.

 

“yeah, we talked everything through and everything was going great until i found out he was hiding something. I don't know what it is but he is determined to keep it hidden. I can’t do it any more if he doesn't come clean. We can’t be together if he doesn't think I deserve the truth” Juan nods in approval because to be able to move on everything needs to be clear.

 

  
“so what are you going to do?” Juan wasn’t sure where this was going but Sergio might have pushed him hard

 

“I think its time i moved on...its not working any more, i’m going to break up with him” Juan stood and watched Fernando and he was scared for Sergio. Sergio needs an intervention and a miracle because he knew Fernando was done.

 

 

“remember this morning when i was fixing your tie and I said i dint want to create a scene? Loose my self or draw attention to my self?” Fernando asked

Juan nods, remembers vividly ”yeah I do”

 

“well I have managed to do all of that and many more, but i feel better... its like a load had been lifted and am about to put a wall on this aspect of my life and move on”

 

“well that is great” Juan threw a towel at his head as he stood up to leave the room

 

“go take a shower and clean up, You smell like cum” Juan teased walking out of the room. He was happy that finally things are slowly getting better for Fernando but now he is scared for Sergio and he needs to talk to Iker.

 

***

 

“I dont know how you could have upset him after everything. You Just manage to find a way to fuck everything up, what did you do now?” Iker says to Sergio as he escorted him back to his room  
“nothing” Sergio replied strongly

 

“What?... you are lying to me?”  
It’s so bad that the people who knew him well could tell when he was lying.

 

“fine... i’m not going to ask you again because I tried. I have been on this quest since and i finally made a chance to help you but you stand there and shit n my face. When you are ready to talk you know where to find me” Iker walked off and then turned around to call back at him

 

“Whatever the fuck just happened, you should do something. Don't fold your arms and wait, you did that before and it dint work out so well, so try another approach. Do something about it because Fernando won’t wait forever”

 

*  
As Iker walked away Sergio changed his direction. Ikers words burned through his brain and he thinks its time he stood up and took responsibility for himself. Sergio moved quickly and into the elevator pressing for the level above them where the Spain NT staff had lodged.


	10. Am Still Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its time to leave for Brazil and Fernando opens up to someone about the Darkest moments of his life.

 

 

> _**“Am Still Here”** _
> 
>   
>  **“what am i suppose to do? Pretend that none of this happened?” “Just move on? Pretend about the fact that I am now a patient again after 5 years of getting better, pretend that I dint almost take my life because you made me feel like I was damaged and you dint want me because I was unlovable”**
> 
>  

***

  
It was a bright and beautiful morning. Fernando woke up calm with no trace of stress. He felt amazing, since his arrival it has been difficult to start the day easy but today was different or so he thought.

 

This was the only day he din’t feel like he was going to have a panic attack or like he had a burden over him that was dragging him down. He had a clear head, a proper thinking process, his body was free and he felt light.

 

Juan suddenly walked to Fernando, where he was finishing up so they can leave for the airport.

 

“Are you going to take that or not?”

  
Fernando had unconsciously been staring at his pills for a couple of minutes with no attempt of taking off the cap.

 

“I feel fine…I don’t think I need it” Fernando looked at Juan cheerfully

Juan looked at how cheerful Fernando was for a couple of minutes and he hated the fact that he would be the one to take this new found happiness away but he wasn't going to turn a blind eye.

 

“Fernando we’ve been through this. You don’t have to need it to take it, the doctor said-”

  
“I fucking know what the doctor said, I am not a child. But I feel fine”

  
Fernando snapped, even though Juan had used a very gentle voice and had started his statement slowly Fernando still saw it as an attack. Maybe he wasnt fine after all

 

“I am sorry for snapping at you...I just… I feel like I don’t need this”

 

Fernando was quick to rectify his error by apologising because Juan means well.

 

Despite his behaviour Juan simply pulled his best friend to their bed and set him down before he said anything else...

 

“A lot happened yesterday. And you haven’t let yourself process it. You met your boyfriend yesterday after months of being away from each other, building this crazy animosity between you... That removed a whole lot of stress from you and you feel good but it also brought a lot of baggage that you aren't feeling yet and I’ll hate for that heat wave to hit you when you are off your medication”

 

Fernando’s face turned sad because he knew Juan was right again, just as he always is. He has a lot of emotions but he doesn't know where they are because he can’t feel them. Maybe his brain is protecting his mind by blocking off a lot of things and it scares him that he might not be able to handle it and might break again.

 

“Hey, don’t be sad... this is for your own good” Juan turned Fernando by the shoulder’s to look directly at him

 

“I’ll never do anything to hurt you...i know you felt a little embarrassed when Sergio saw you back relying on your medication amongst other things but it’s just your ego being hurt, you have nothing to be ashamed of and you have to be wise and not hurt yourself again”

 

Juan pulled out the right dose and grabbed a bottle of water from the dressing table.

  
“You have to take care of yourself Nando, you’ve come a long way we can’t slip now.  
Fernando took his medication from Juan with a smile of appreciation although he still felt a little disappointed.

 

***

  
“Guess it’s you and me buddy”

  
The familiar voice of Iker Casillas rang in his ears. Fernando looked to his right from where he had been gazing at the runway. He took a window sit and left the other for Juan but must have lost some time staring out the window

 

“No hard feelings Iker but Juan-“

  
“He is fine I just wanted to talk…you know catch up”

  
`  
Iker said while he settled in the seat to Fernando’s right. Fernando looked a little distressed and started stretching to look for Juan. He followed where Iker had pointed and found Juan sitting with Sergio.

 

They suddenly made eye contact and it’s like Juan read his body language so he started to make his way over.

 

“Did something happen? Juan asked Fernando the moment they were in the seclusion of the back of the plane

 

“No except am suddenly sitting with Sergio’s big brother, what's this all about... is this why you suggested I took the pill because i was going to be judged for 9 hours?” Fernando talked so fast in a loud whisper

 

Juan smiled lightly.

  
“Iker is not here to judge you he just wants to have a conversation with you and I think it would be good for you to talk to someone else that isn't me you know...open up?...and it has nothing to do with the pill”

They hugged it out and Fernando returned to iker.

 

***

  
“He looks after you all right, doesn't he”

 

Iker says immediately Fernando sat down and strapped in. It might have been a rhetorical question or an actual one but Fernando was not in the mood of paying attention to him

 

“…he really cares for you” Iker was persistent

 

“You can say it you know?” Fernando gives him a weird look after a long silence and then made eye contact with the Goalie

 

“You can say that he loves me, you don’t have to try and go around it…I know Sergio talks to you and I know people talk… Juan cares for me and it’s because he loves me and I love him too, but that’s where we draw the line. We have something that many people don't understand but it works and I am happy”

 

Iker didn’t look relieved like he was confirming anything he just smiled like he agreed with Fernando and it made Fernando feel at ease and relaxed a little bit. Maybe it won’t be such a bad idea talking to Iker

 

“He would kill for you in a heartbeat and he is the only one you let in… Juan can get through to you the way nobody can …Not even Sergio” Fernando folded his shoulders defensively and Iker caught that

 

“Am not here to Judge you and say anything that would make you uncomfortable…” Iker breathes and then continues

 

“I see why anyone would think there is something between the two of you and by people I mean Sergio but can I ask you one thing?”

 

Fernando dint say it was okay but a wrapped attention meant he was ready to listen

 

“You and Juan work so well together, everything is perfect between the two of you. Have you ever thought of, you know... giving it a shot?”

 

Fernando laughs sadly for a couple of minutes. First he thought it was a test planned by Sergio but the sincerity in his captain’s eyes said it all. He was curious

 

“We don’t work that way” Fernando says the words like it hurt him that they don’t work and it got the captain's attention.

 

“He does not see me that way… and I can’t seem to look at him that way. Say whatever you want to may after what i tell you but I do admit that I have tried. So many times I have been frustrated by Sergio and I look around me, the only thing that makes sense is Juan and I tell myself if you were with him you would be so happy for the rest of your life”

 

Fernando took a breather and then rested his head back on his chair like he had given up

 

“But the single idea of me and him together repulses him and I always feel like am doing something wrong if I think of him that way… it’s just never going to happen… if I could turn on my feeling I would be with Juan any day”

 

Iker gave him a little time before speaking again.

 

“But you and I Know that’s not true is it?”

  
They made eye contact and it’s like Iker could see through him.

 

“Sergio has screwed up times without number, he’s someone that you easily give up on… in high school when he still thought he was straight he got dumped every other day”

  
Fernando spotted a smile because he remembers that story

 

“but you just never seem to budge…its not because of your resilient nature or your tolerance level, its because your heart chose him and you fell in love. You can learn to love another but your heart will always be with him”

  
Iker’s words were not harsh but the truth was piercing and got to Fernando.

 

“Excuse me I need to use the toilet” Fernando undid his seat belt before standing up hastily.

 

***

  
They have only been in the air two hours for a journey that would take approximately 9 hours. They are nowhere near their destination and Fernando knows its going to be a gruelling journey.

 

“Are you okay” Iker looked worried when Fernando returned

 

“Yeah am fine…I had to take one of these” he shows Iker his pills secretively

 

“I was getting a bit overwhelmed but am good now” he looked fine and sounded fine but Iker wasen’t sure

 

“If you don’t want to talk I get it and am sorry if what just happened was my fault” Iker apologised

 

“Everything is good, am just glad I listened to Juan this morning…I almost skipped my pill and now am grateful for him”

 

He smiled to himself thinking of everything that he just shared with Iker and he really don't know what he will do without Juan but then there is Sergio, his subconscious keeps telling him.

 

“Like you said Iker, I love him and I know that because he’s all I think about. I try to ignore these feelings but they cripple me every time I see him like a fucking pit in my stomach”

  
Fernando went quite for a while, he is actually talking about this, he cant believe himself but he was not going to stop now so he continued in a whisper.

 

“Even when I was in intensive care and no one knew what was going to happen to me the only thing on my mind was him”

 

He saw the surprised look on Iker’s face, he dint know anything. All he knew was that he tried to kill himself but then Juan saved him but its more than that and that’s why he is so hurt, having a near death experience like he did was scary to him and Juan maybe it was time to let Iker in.

 

“I have never told anyone this story and I made Juan swear to keep his mouth shut about this but I’ll tell you"

 

***

  
_**27th may… the morning after Plug** _

 

Juan had managed to locate the source of the bleeding and held it together but the blood was still everywhere. He heard one time from one of Fernando’s meeting they went together that when in a position like he is now the most important thing is getting the bleeding secured to reduce the amount of blood lost and also engage the victim in a conversation to keep them conscious.

 

“Don’t let them go to sleep, don’t let them close their eyes make them do little things like squeeze your arm if they can’t speak and make them know they have worth so they have a reason to fight because in that moment its easier to let go”.

  
The words of the counsellor rang in his head like she was Standing over him and shouting out instructions at the top of her voice.

 

It was the longest 20 mins of Juan’s life before an ambulance dropped by the house and soon John Terry and his cousin who is a resident were in the house running up the stairs.

 

“You’ve got to be joking mate… what did you call me for? An ambulance would do you one better” John exclaimed when he saw his team mate on the floor looking pale like he was dead.

 

“I din’t know what to do”

 

Juan answered with a petrified tone to his voice

 

“You need to get him to the hospital now” Johns cousin Paul shouted at the arguing team mates from where he had been assessing Fernando and the extent of his injuries.

 

“No... no Hospitals…that’s why I called you” Juan tried again

 

“Are you fucking nuts? Listen to the doctor he said hospital” John replied Juan but with the same tone Juan had used to answer them initially. The sight of his mate was starting to get to him.

 

  
*  
They didn't make an immediate exit. They just stood shell shocked like they were not in the middle of an emergency trying to decide where to treat a dying person.

 

“Do you want him to die?” that was all Paul had to say to get their attention and soon He was attending to Fernando at the back of the make shift ambulance that was John’s old van with a few medical supplies.

 

*

  
“I see why you want this under wraps…but we are going to a big hospital the extent of his injuries cant be determined at the moment and he is loosing consciousness fast, if we don't know exactly what is going on he would go into shock” John’s cousin paused for a moment to looked at Juan's confused face to make sure he was following before he continued

 

“I can’t guarantee that he won’t be recognised but all I can do is reduce the number of people who come in contact with him and persuade them to be quite... and one more thing, he won’t be my patient, I was on call all night and i have the morning off, sorry I won’t be attending to him. I thought it was just a minor case when I came in but looking at the situation he’s going to need more than just stitches”

 

 

***

  
“what have we got”

  
A young doctor announced himself when he pulled apart the curtain separating their little crew surrounding Fernando from the other individuals in the Trauma department. Trauma is less crowded than A and E and this was going to be as discreet as possible.

 

“Holy shit” the doctor exclaimed out of character when he saw the two Chelsea stars but was even more shocked when he recognised the unconscious individual lying on the bed.

 

“I know” Paul said as though those words were enough to quench his curiosity.

 

“let’s move him” the doctor says to no one in particular but two interns starts moving the gurney that Fernando lay in.

 

***  
 ** _“30 years old male_**  
 ** _involved in a mysterious accident_**  
 ** _status: post trauma,_**  
 ** _came in with a gcs of 7_**  
 ** _bp 80/60_**  
 ** _examination shows a deep cut in his ankle, contusion appear ordinary but incessant bleeding indicates a tampered vein or complicated blood history._**

 

  
One of the interns read Fernando’s chart from memory like it was a text book

 

“What else do we know about the patient” the doctor questioned

 

“Nothing doctor but blood samples have been taken to the lab to run numerous tests”

 

All of a Sudden the beeping sound of the machine that had been moderate lost all sense and started going off without control.

 

“what’s going on?... is he okay?” Juan was going crazy. He was as crazy as that machine. He’s watched movies and he knows that sound is bad news.

 

Two other doctors Juan believe to be interns rushed toward the oxygen mask over Fernando’s face to take if off.  
“Doctor Roberts, he’s not breathing we might have to intubate”

 

one of the interns speaks up but didn't make any attempts to touch Fernando, she just stood there waiting the doctors command.

 

“I thought you said limited people, it’s a mad house in here, and I don't think they know what they are doing” John was so scared out of his mind, the blood was going off his face.

 

“Doctor he’s going into shock… he’s not breathing…we are loosing him” the stupid beep finally flat lined and Juan goes crazy.

 

“NO…NO…NO… what did you do to him.... what did you do to him? NANDO...NANDO”

 

By this time Juan was as good as dead. He just saw his best friend die and he didn’t know whats real and what wasn't

 

“Doctor we are loosing him”

  
one of the intern screams to the doctors direction before taking charge of Fernando’s chest, conducting CPR

 

“Get him out of here…NOW” doctor Roberts pointed at the corner where John was holding Juan firmly so he wouldn't move a muscle but Juan wasn't going to let himself be removed.

 

The oxygen mask that was helping Fernando breathe lay useless by him, the beep coming from the EKG machine was still indicating that Fernando Torres was a dead man and have been for 45 seconds. Doctor Roberts moved to the corner of the room and pushed a defibrillator towards Fernando by Intern that had already started compressions on Fernando’s chest.

 

“Charge to 200” he yelled, rubbing the pads together

 

“charging...200” the intern replied

 

“CLEAR!”

  
BANG!!! The pads go on Fernando’s chest and he jerks up but nothing happens. Juan was in shock, everything was too movielike for him not to be dreaming. He could not scream nor cry he just wanted Fernando to live

 

“Charge to 300” Dr Roberts screamed again

  
“Charging...300”

  
“CLEAR!!!” The pads go again and this time the Beep comes back to normal.

 

“we got a heart beat” the intern that read the charts says relieved. Everyone had a moment of breathing out it was so tense they never knew they’d been holding their breath the whole time.

 

***

  
Doctor Roberts walked to the corner where Juan, John and Paul had been standing because Juan was not going to let anyone kick him out.

 

“is he alright?” John asked the questions

 

“he is stable but not for long” Dr Roberts says but he dint look amused at all

 

“what are you not telling me?... I almost lost a patient because I know nothing about his medical history or how he got that injury so... start talking, how did he get the cut?”

  
the question was directed to Paul because he was the one who called in a favour but he kept his mouth shut.

 

“Self inflicted” John answered quickly. They all made weird eye contacts and Dr Roberts seem to get the message but he knew something they didn't.

 

“You mean a suicide attempt? Damn it...what is he on?” Dr Roberts rushed the conversation

 

“What?” John was confused now

 

“What medication is he taking…” Dr Roberts asked again hastily like he had dealt with situations like this before and knew exactly what was going on

 

“Errm he used a couple some years back but recently he's been going unprescribed. His episodes just recently started again because he was going through a rough time… but he is currently taking _Citatopram”_

  
Juan spoke with a tone of voice that screamed fear.

 

Doctor Roberts give orders to his interns before dashing out “Get me an O.R and page psyche”

 

***

  
“How do you remember all this?” Iker repositioned himself in his seat with all attention focused on Fernando

 

“I don’t…Juan told me everything, I wanted to know what happened to me” Fernando replied

 

“wow so you died for 45 seconds”

 

Iker didn't know how else to put the question because he actualy did die

 

“Well they call it coding but technically yeah, you can say i was gone for 45 seconds but like to think of it like my heart took a break for a while” Fernando smiled lazily trying to put an ice on it

 

“When he said psyche did he mean-“ Iker started again

 

“Yeah”

  
Fernando cut him off

 

“Apparently I was to be treated as a psychiatric patient because I was crazy“Fernando smiled sadly this time

 

“so sorry” Iker said with a heavy heart

 

“Don’t be… you did nothing to me, it wasn’t as bad as it seems and it actually was the best solution for the privacy situation as it gave me the isolation I needed”

 

***

  
The room was bright. The smell of medical alcohol filled the air and as he woke up it grew stronger like most of it was coming from him. Somewhere in the corner a machine beeped with the same rhythm as his heart, steady. Fernando tried to move his body but his legs won't move and that pain. He winced but he made no sound. He tried to move again but his left arm stung. He looked and saw an IV tugged into his skin and he began to panic.

 

His breathing was all over the place and the beeping of the machine continued more rapidly.

  
“Sergio, Sergio….Where am I… Sergio”

 

He tried to rip off the IV but a man in Scrubs came rushing in alerted by Fernando’s racing heart. He quickly stopped Fernando from doing anything stupid before adding something to Fernando’s IV to make him calm.

 

“where am I? WHO ARE YOU? Where is Sergio?

 

“I am your doctor, Doctor Roberts and I am taking good care of you. You are in the ICU that’s why it looks so weird, when you get a lot more strength and regain consciousness I would take you to recovery and your family can see you there”

 

“Sergio,I want to see Sergio” Fernando replied

 

“okay, but you need to rest” Dr Roberts replied waiting for him to go out

 

“Doctor” Fernando called out

 

“yes?”

 

“I can’t move my legs, was I in an accident? Did I loose my legs?” Fernando was emotional

 

“No Mr Torres, you dint loose your legs…and you need some rest. That you can’t remember what happened to you means you need rest”

 

Doctor Roberts fondled with Fernando’s IV again and soon he was asleep

 

***

  
This time the room was not as bright, the beeping machine was still there and its beeping was steady in correct rhythm with his heart. He knew where he was now and he knew he was brought here to get better. His left arm still stung but he knew why now. The smell of medical alcohol was not as strong as it had been, He smelt flowers and that made him feel better, but he still couldn't move his legs.

 

His eyes were open slightly enough to look at the ceiling and then the memories of the night and early morning started creeping in. He remembered going to take a shower and what he did.

 

“Am sorry, he cried out…I am so sorry” Fernando sobbed to no one in particular

 

“Nando...Nando?” then it occurred to him that someone had been holding him because they started to squeeze his palm.

 

“Go get a doctor” He recognised that voice and it was Juan.

 

Fernando slowly tilted his head to the right and he saw Juan. A sense of happiness filled his heart but he also felt guilt, he couldn’t control his emotions and the machine started beeping out of rhythm.

 

Juan sat up and cupped his face looking deep into his best friends eyes.

 

“Hey, am here… its okay, you are fine now and am here for you”

 

“I remember what happened…and am so sorry” Fernando apologised for what he had done

 

“You are forgiven and it’s not your fault okay?” the machine returned to a steady rhythm with Fernando squeezing back at Juan’s hand.

 

“Hi Mr Torres glad to see you are doing great” Dr Roberts announced himself

 

“We had a sucessful operation and everything is good”

 

“I still can’t move my legs and I don't know why, Fernando was concerned now and he looked up at the doctor worried.

 

The doctor looked at Juan before pulling the covers to reveal Fernando’s legs that had been restrained and strapped to the bed

 

“it’s protocol for psyche word. If you had cut your arms they would have restrained those. They just want to make sure that you won’t try to tamper with the operation to harm yourself again”

 

 

***

  
“wow...you went through all that? Oh My God I had no Idea. I am really sorry, now i really see where Juan is coming from this is just too intense”

  
Iker was sadder than Fernando himself. Its like everything was falling into perspective for him. if he had any slight anger against Juan for being so angry at Sergio he takes it all back now, because his own anger has started to brew towards Sergio.

 

“it didn't last very long, i had to go through evaluation with two of the psychiatrists to convince them that i was in a good state of mind and not a danger to myself, soon I was no longer treated like I was crazy”

  
Fernando tried to sound positive because Iker was looking really gloomy. It’s the reason he doesn't tell this story, the look of pity on peoples face and the way they treat him after that. And now Iker had started to look at him differently.

 

 

***

  
By the third day Fernando was finally ready to speak to the doctor. And with his legs being free he felt more at ease.

 

“Hello Doctor” Fernando Smiled

 

“Glad to see you cheerful, i have good news” Doctor Roberts announced

 

“You are free to go” he smiled a little

 

“Normally this wouldn't happen because you need to be monitored for at least a week given your history but I was able to pull some strings by putting you down for frequent check up, well the good news is you won’t be seeing me. Any follow up will be done by my colleague, you already know him, He brought you here”

  
He pointed to Dr Paul who Fernando recognised as John’s cousin

 

“But what I am going to say next, i need you to listen carefully”

 

Fernando sat up and everyone turned their attention to the Dr.

 

“I was able to pull your medical history with the help of Juan because they wouldn't release it until he made a call... well it’s not the brightest” he made a weird face

  
Juan immediately grabbed Fernando’s hand and squeezed tight.

 

“I would say it’s every doctor’s nightmare because you are a very high risk patient but I commend you... you are one of the strongest people I have ever met and you have been doing so well all these years until now”

 

He moved closer so he could look at Juan, directing his statements to him because it had been coming across that Juan takes care of him.

 

“For a long part of Fernando’s life he was on a medication called **ESCITOPRAM** which is a part of the _Selective Seretinin Reuptake Inhibitor class_. This is one of the best and most effective medication in this class , and for him to have started on it so young means he had it rough growing up”

 

  
He lets everyone catch up with him before he continued

 

“when you mentioned that he was bouncing off different medications and was currently on **_Citatopram_**  I got very worried because you don't take antidepressants off the shelf and definitely not a medication like that”

 

There was guilt written all over Fernando’s face because he knows he screwed up. Dr Roberts turned his attention back to Fernando

 

“antidepressants and Anxiety medications are made of chemical compounds that influence the chemical balance of the brain to get its results. And because they are very strong medications they react differently when they come in contact with other substances in your body but we wont go into that because am sure you’ve heard all that before”

 

Doctor Roberts came across a little harsh and judgemental but it might be what fernandoi needed to bring him back to his senses. As a patient you know all this and you know your life depends on it.

 

“In your case your body rejected the medication but you didint know because it wasn’t physical. You might have been having slight symptoms but for someone who have been taking this medication all their life it would be easy to mistake them for the usual side effects of the medications you take”

 

“I don't understand” Fernando spoke up “is something wrong with me? That I don't know about?”

 

“Many antidepressants have been proven to cause bleeding problems but it is on rare occasions, i dont know how its triggered or how it works and maybe its just a side effect but in your case citatopram is making you sick. It doesn’t work. When you feel like you are getting better it’s actually doing nothing and just making you sick”

 

“so what you are saying is that for over a month he’s been on that medication its like he was taking nothing? he was basically off his medication?” Juan was shocked. He’s been taking Fernando out to parties with no idea he’s just carrying a ticking time bomb around

 

“yes except he is off his medication and them taking something that makes his health worse” Dr Robberts adds

 

“That explains a lot” they could barely hear him whisper sadly but John Broke the silence

 

“What were you saying about the bleeding problem?”

 

John brought the doctors attention back

 

“ Well, that the medication wasn’t working doesnt mean it wasnt doing damage. It affected your blood in a way that it is hard for your blood to cloth and it leads to incessant bleeding that’s why you lost too much blood and went into shock... this is dangerous because in a situation where an injury is just a minor cut, a patient with this problem could bleed to death. Your wound was deep that’s why it wasn't caught early”

 

“so, how do we treat that... Is it permanent?” Juan jumps in “is he still sick?”

 

“You don't, He just have to stop self medicating and stick to what he is given, every trace off it was removed from his system during the operation. But it would take a while for his blood to get to normal”

  
He directed his gaze back to Fernando

 

“ you just have to avoid sharp objects, fights and anything that would make you bleed in general till we run another test, also I checked and you have no History of Haemophilia or any bleeding disorder that might have triggered this effect. So i believe this will pass soon”

 

Doctor Roberts starred long and hard at Fernando who was still looking guilty and scared for the life he was so eager to take a couple of days ago

 

“There is a reason you were never put on citatopram or any other drugs in the SSNRI class. Your doctor must have done a couple of tests to know what was good for your chemical balance. For example as stated in your medical report you are a bit OCD and there is a little fraction of Escitopram to manage that. It might not be the reason but that is just an example. Because a slight chemical imbalance can be fatal to the way the brain works”

 

He tried to be quiet but he couldnt. He was grilling Fernando like this was personal

 

“you have to take care of yourself, what happened here a few days ago and the reason you have this medication in your system is a result of your own mistake, you know this things, you know what you are suppose to do but you don't do it”

  
“ _ **DR ROBERTS!**_ ” John’s cousin calls his colleague to order because he was stepping out of line

 

“I am sorry about that...this hits close to home. I apologise for my behaviour” Dr Roberts immediately made amends

 

“thank you doctor, anything we need to do?” Juan asked instead of drawing attention to what just happened

 

“yes, because he is switching back to anoher medication, his body might think its another medication that is about to attack it and it would start to react with increased side effect like nausia, increased anxiety and restlesness. it is best you keep him out of trouble. Anything that would get him rattled should be away from him, anything that might trigger an episode so soon need to be prevented. Medications should never be missed until he’s been authorised to. Not even a dose okay?”

 

Dr Roberts finished with them and tried to make a quick exit before he embarrassed himself again but Fernando’s voice brought him to a halt.

 

“Thank you Dr, I appreciate everything you’ve done for me and everything you said.I will be a lot more careful in the future. Whatever happened in your life i want you to always remember that you saved my Life and I appreciate it”

 

***

  
“Wow! that is scary, Fernando you have been through a lot. I Dont think there is anything I can say now. This is just too much, after being warned to stay away from pressured situation, you come here to all of this drama. It must have been difficult for you”

  
Iker keeps playing the events of the past couple of days and how hard it must have been for Fernando, knowing what he knows now.

 

“yes it’s been challenging”

  
“This explains Juan’s actions towards you and everything else... I am really sorry” Iker keeps apologising like it’s his day Job

 

“You know Iker” Fernando began

 

  
“ I love Sergio with all of my heart that I stopped thinking straight, i stopped taking care of myself and i harmed myself in more ways than i could count... i’ve been blinded by my love for Sergio and it had handicapped me since i was 20. I will always love him and he will always be the love of my life but maybe I’m not the love of his life” He sips a little bit of water

 

“Fernando I would tell you this...Sergio is your soul mate. You are the love of his life. I’ve known Sergio since we were kids and i will tell you this. You are the only thing that matters to him”

 

He knows he promised Fernando he wouldn't try to persuade him again because he’s been through so much and all that has happened has shown that his relationship with Sergio is unhealthy but he had to.

 

Fernando thought silently for a while, looking at the direction of Sergio. He kept on starring at Sergio for as long as he could and then wiped off the tear that welled up in his eyes before he began speaking again.

 

“Maybe he loves me and maybe somehow I am the love of his life but the truth is I don’t really care any more. I honestly do not want to find out any more. I have been very self destructive and its time I started taking care of myself and my career and just move on. So am giving you the same news I gave Juan…I think I’m ready to move on”.

  
The words came out Firm and strong

 

“I am not going to argue with that. If it’s your decision i respect it. But know one thing. The next time I come to you to asking you to reconsider, I want you to give me a chance because its going to be worth it”

 

“okay” Fernando agrees with a huge smile on his face “it was great talking to you. Am glad we had this chat and all this is off my chest. Thank you”

 

“ohh come on Fernando, I should be the one thanking you. You trusted me enough to tell me something so heavy, it’s been an honour and I promise I’ll keep it quiet”

 

They both smiled at each other in acknowledgement and respect for the other before their moment was broken.

 

“Can I tell you a secret? ...I really want to Beat Sergio to unconsciousness right now let him se the inside of a hospital”

  
Pepe Reina’s voice vibrated in their ears from the back seat

 

Iker and Fernando looked at each other in horror, Pepe had been eaves dropping the whole time and he knows everything. You can’t tell pepe to keep his mouth shut. You just have to pray he tells only one person.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All medications mentioned in this chapter are real, and all side effects mentioned have been picked up from facts. Fernando's situation was a medical situation that happened in 2004 but have been altered slightly for the sake of this story.  
> self medicating is bad no matter what kind of medication it is. if you have a loved one in such a situation keep an eye on them and be vigilant it only takes one move for everything to go wrong.
> 
>  
> 
> thanks for all the support and messages on tumblr you guys are awesome. sorry for the long hiatus


	11. I Had a Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The lads arrive in Brazil and Everything is REVEALED

_**"I HAD A PLAN"** _

 

> _**“Fernando I would tell you this...Sergio is your soul mate. You are the love of his life. I’ve known Sergio since we were kids and i will tell you this. You are the only thing that matters to him”** _
> 
>  

***

  
“After such a gruelling journey the first thing they want from us is a meeting... these people are pushing it”

  
David Villa says to the group of guys sitting close to him in the bus looking drained.  
They are all knackered. They had to wake up early this morning to a press conference in Miami and then straight to the airport where they sat for so long on their epic quest to Brazil for the long awaited confederation cup.

 

“All I need is a good rest in a comfortable bed to lay my head, not a chair to sit down and listen to vincente”

  
Xavi compliments the motion that David just proposed with the same amount of disgust as the former

 

“Well there is nothing we can do about it now it’s already done, all I can say is welcome to Rio guys” Iker pitched to his teammates to reduce the whining

 

“Welcome to you too, how was your flight” Sergio nudged Iker’s shoulder with his, spotting a warm smile.

 

The goalie was in no mood to converse with the defender. He hardly acknowledged his statement as he turned his attention to the other individuals.  
Before Sergio could speak again their bus came to a halt and they were being ushered into a building for a quick press conference and then their meeting with Vincente Del Bosco.

 

*

  
The flashing lights of the cameras hit their faces, and they dock out of reflex. Shielding their eye’s from the bright flashes and the mob of fan’s that had somehow heard they would be at this location at this time.

 

They walked into the room and it was dead quiet. The next room was where they held the press conference. Vincente Del bosco had to go into the press conference with a couple of guys to represent the team while the others waited. When he returned it was straight to the point.

 

> _“Hello boys, hope you had a good flight we aren’t here to socialise so I’ll get right on. On your arrival to Miami we had a meeting just like this one where I mentioned that no one is guaranteed a full ride until we met again in Brazil. Well some of you understood and some didn’t. What that meant was that today I was going to announce the full squad and all the first choice picks”_

“Was?” some of the guys echoed at the same time. It dint make any sense.

 

> _“Yes, I said was because that would no longer happen. It might be hard to believe but I have been watching you but not alone, you see we are doing things differently this year. Each and every one of you has an observation file which I keep and after every assessment feedback is penned down.”_

  
He looked at his team and everyone was attentive

 

> _“if you noticed you would have seen some officials watching you this past couple of days while you trained, they were assessing you and after the day they write feedback about you and it gets filed...that file is in a nutshell a progress report for each person showing what they have done, how they have improved and all their strengths”_

 

The Spanish head coach took a deep breath as if he was trying to be calm while he said the next words.

 

> _“Unfortunately those files have been tampered with... some files have gone missing and others destroyed. This also includes reports from medical and the physiotherapists on your health and well being from the day you arrived. Because of this shortcoming, there will be no announcements about starting positions or who is playing what, we will have to look for another way to make our decisions._

 

There was no snide comment or anyone trying to say something. His team looked him in the eye the same way he looked at them. He decided to carry on and not draw attention to it since the boys weren’t making it a big deal

 

> _“There has also been a change in your accommodation location. Your initial booking has been cancelled based on the fact that transporting you from hotel to match locations would be harder from the hotel compared to our recent accommodation we found for you”_
> 
> _“the rules about wearing the team gear at all times still apply because you are still a symbol of Spain but in situations where you have time off and just want to hang out, you are no longer obligated to wear what we provide...If you need anything, please speak to your captains and they will pass it on, bus and sleeping arrangements have been arranged to avoid discord and confusion. All of that can be figured out in the little care pack that will be handed to you. Your ID’s, press passes, room keys and every other thing you will need are in there please abide by this religiously. That will be all. See you in a couple of days”_

Vincente Del Bosco stood up and left them to themselves like he dint just drop a whole bunch of information on them

 

***

  
“That was intense”  
A voice echoed as they shuffled into the two buses that was provided. It was Sergio and he was talking to Iker still trying to make conversation. Iker walked into the first bus and immediately spotted Fernando all by himself at the back of the bus, he instantly made a quick turn back out and went into the second bus. Just as he thought Sergio quickly followed him to the second bus.

“Are you avoiding me?”

  
Sergio asked Iker when he sat close to him.

  
“Because I’ll keep following you” he chimed

 

“Why would I be avoiding you” he dismissed Sergio, secretly rolling his eyes at him but also glad he just saved Fernando a shitty bus ride.

 

“You’ve been acting weird ever sin-“

 

“Anyone would act weird after that meeting we just had. I can’t believe all the hard work to prove ourselves have been for nothing”  
Pepe cut Sergio off, partly because he was not pleased with the news and also because he just dint want to listen to Sergio. After hearing all he did he was brewing anger inside him against Sergio.

 

“Who would tamper with those files? Why would anyone do something so stupid... did they even think before they were acting?”

 

A very angry David Silva spoke up. Everyone was shocked. They had forgotten he was in the process with them because he’s been almost invincible but this had got him talking.

 

“Am I high or are you all taking this so well, I feel like am the only one who is pissed off”

 

Iker knew it was just about time before people started speaking up. It had started to hit them hard. Everyone knows Miami is code for ** _show us what you’ve got_** , then the confeds is basically **_“impress us and make us love you and you have a spot on the world cup”_** but now it’s like they just took a huge leap backwards.

 

“Actually, No Jordi I get where you are coming from. I’ve been really out of it this past weeks but I pushed through everything. During physiotherapy I pushed through the pain on my knee and I did my best hoping that I have done enough at least to impress but now it’s like I’ve done nothing”

 

Everyone knew David Silva was struggling with an injury but he dint let that hold him back with hope that he could rest his knee while in Brazil before they get started but now this happened. It is no surprise he is not taking this well

 

“I don’t know who would so such a thing... what was their aim; they know how hard everyone has worked for this. I think it’s selfish” Jordi added

 

“How do you know it was someone who did it? Like one of us? He did use the word damaged you know? They might have had an accident...these things happen so I think we should calm down and not point fingers”

  
Sergio said as a reply to his angry team mates. And he noticed Iker giving him a weird look but he chose not to capitalise on it

 

“If it was an accident, vincente would apologise and tell us something happened from his end, so yeah call me crazy but I think someone did it on purpose. Maybe some sick official trying to be wicked or some nut job of a team mate who is just acting like a loose cannon”

  
David Villa who had been trying to stay calm opened his mouth and he spoke truth. Vincente dint act like it was an accident, he clearly said they’ve been tampered with and they know their coach by now to know the way he chooses his words.

 

The rest of the ride was quiet with everyone thinking about it and not doing much talking.

 

***

  
The bus ride to the hotel was longer than they had anticipated. But everything started to become clear when they drew near to their location.

 

“Okay, let me be the first to say it, this is nice”

  
Cesc broke the silence and said what everyone in the bus was thinking. And it’s like it just lifted the weight of all that news, for now at least. Everyone from both buses was now standing as one big group looking at the house.

 

“I commend them on effort, I am not as upset as I was, and this is really a nice way to kick off the confederations cup”  
David dint sound so whiny anymore.

The hotel arrangements had been upgraded and swapped for a luxurious cabin. They had an idea they would be staying at a good hotel that was in a good location for easy access to stadiums when the tournament start but they never expected their new location to be a cabin just a block away from the beach in higher ground.

  
*

It’s like they were in a Hollywood movie and the feeling made them at ease. The Cabin looked like two massive frat houses put side by side to make a mansion. Connected by a swimming pool and a miniature bridge the two houses stood as one overlooking the beach and the nearby city from its rear.

 

The cabin is made of the finest Western Red Cedar logs, each had been hand built by master craftsmen using authentic Norwegian techniques. From the outside the brown colour of the rich cedar logs glowed when the lights are switched on in the inside, giving an array of luxury.

 

It had massive windows that could not be differentiated from the doors as they were all made of glass and equally grand. The size and style of the doors and windows made the house open; one could see the insides just by standing outside.

 

The shinning lights from each room complimented the house and from where they stood in front of the first entrance a blue stream of reflection and colourful under water lights glowed. The connecting pool started narrow but then expanded into the pool area that glorified the back garden.

 

“I am in Heaven; I know....I refuse to believe otherwise”

 

Gerard blurts out which won him a smack in the butt from cesc and everyone laughed still looking around in amazement as they continued to inspect the house.

 

“Are we going to stand out here forever or are we going in?”

  
Pepe broke the adoration for their new residence

 

***

 

The house got better with every step they took in. The wooden theme of the Red Cedar log followed into the interior which boomed with mahogany. From the antic pieces to the wooden furnishing, every area that caught the eye was a work of art.

 

The mansion was spacious, yet cozy. The first room was much larger than an average living room like it was meant for partying and cocktail hour rather than sitting around to drink hot cocoa.

 

The next room that was also a front room was in an open planned style with the living area, a large dining and a massive kitchen all under a cathedral ceiling from which five huge chandeliers lit up the place.

 

“Okay guys, according to this note in my hand, this house consist of 12 rooms. Each room is a suite and is very comfortable with its own toilet and bathroom. They are also 4 extra toilets and bathroom for convenience”

  
Iker started to address them the moment they all got in

 

“There are four front rooms in this house and one very large kitchen, not that it will be used often but it’s there”  
He made a joke and they all laughed.

 

“The other part of the house is the same model so in total we have 24 rooms which mean we will be sharing rooms. In the bag that was handed us at the meeting our keys are there, so please use your key to find your rooms to avoid commotions. It doesn’t matter how much you like a particular room, or view you have to stick with your room arrangements”

  
Iker spoke with his captain voice giving orders.

 

*

  
All the while everything was going on Fernando was on his own. Juan was with his other friends making fun and having a conversation the whole time and Fernando didn’t feel the need to pull him into his own seclusion. He wanted Juan to have fun since he was always babysitting him it looked like he had no life anymore.

 

It’s like the house sucked away all their tiredness because no one was ready to go to bed and rest their bones. The excitement of the cabin had let some rush of adrenaline run through their system, keeping them agile and giving them extra strength to open some bottles in the bar area.

 

Fernando walked to one of the front rooms that oversaw the beach where majority of the guys were and realised that a singing session had broken loose. It’s **_“Elvis Crespo”_** again. **_“Pintame”_** was playing from the stereo; apparently someone called Pepe Reina had connected his Ipod to it.

 

“HEY NANDO COME ON”

  
Juan called to him at the top of his voice from where he was sandwiched between Jordi and David; apparently they’ve been doing the conga. He just shook his head and smiled before walking to join in the line because that was the only way he was going to have a conversation with Juan.

 

“HEY YOU ARE HAVING A GREAT TIME” Fernando commended with a high tone because screaming was the way to go while managing to squeeze in front of Juan

 

“YEAH, TRYING TO BLOW OFF SOME STEAM BEFORE BUSINESS”

  
Juan shot him a lazy grin. He hadn’t been drinking. He was just really exhausted hut clearly in the mood to keep up with the party.

 

“I HAVE TO GO TAKE A NAP... I NEED TO REST” he informed Juan

 

“OH...OKAY, I’LL COME WITH”

 

Juan tried to extricate himself from the group but Fernando stopped him.

 

“I’LL BE FINE” He smiled

 

 

“YOU ARE HAVING A GREAT TIME AND I DON'T WANT TO RUIN THAT”

 

he shouted at the top of his voice, it was like the music got louder anything he tried to say a word

 

“Are you sure you’ll be okay on your own?” Juan dint scream this time, he moved closer to Fernando and held unto him and spoke directly in his ears

 

“No...I need a diaper change” Fernando made a joke because Juan was being really protective again. But he knows why

 

“Don’t worry; I’ll take my medication before I take my nap... I already had something to eat on our way here... have fun. When you are done I’ll be in the room”  
Fernando extricated himself from the group and started to leave then turned again

 

“OH WHERE ARE OUR LUGGAGGES, SO I COULD TAKE THEM IN” he had to scream because the line was drifting

 

“DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT, JUST GO AND TAKE YOUR NAP I’LL BRING THEM WHEN AM COMING IN...OKAY? IF YOU NEED ME CALL ME, MY PHONE IS IN MY POCKET” Juan managed to say before being pulled away for a salsa dance.

 

Fernando smiled deeply grabbed his bag that was handed to him at the meeting and started making his way to the massive stair case.

 

***

  
_“Big houses like this are usually haunted”_

  
Fernando thought to himself as he walked through the massive house instantly regretting his thoughts when he got to the lonely hall way. He fished through his pack for the keys and his tag say **_“fernandoTorres9A”_**. He has no idea how this was allocated but he was glad he dint have to walk all the way to the other building to get to his room.

 

He opened the door and his jaw dropped. It was just a very large bed. Three people could sleep on it comfortably without touching each other. So it made sense that they were suppose to share beds. But he couldn't stay away from the massive glass doors that led to his mini balcony.  
Fernando went out and looked at his view. He had the perfect view of the waves straight ahead and slightly to his right he could see the beautiful city. The scenery was beautiful, quiet and cool. “This might just be the best spot for him” Fernando thought to himself

 

The sound of the waves calmed him down the cool breeze that came from the ocean cleansed his thoughts. He could almost state the freshness in the air. He stood gazing, lost in the serene environment until the chilling hands of the wind enveloped his body. Fernando shut the windows instantly, made his way to the oversize bed and fell into a deep sleep.

 

***

It must have been a couple of hours he’d been sleeping because he had started to stir awake. He was finally brought back to consciousness by the sound of the creaking door.

 

“Did you have fun? Must have been a hell of a dance off... i forgot i had my medication in your luggage can i have it please...am a little out of it”  
Fernando says in one rushed sentence making no attempt to crawl out of bed or make eye contact with Juan.

 

“AHEM!”

  
Was the only noise that came from the door and that didn't sound like Juan it sounded like someone else.

 

“What are you doing here?”

  
Fernando sounded a little agitated but calm. He dint like being ambushed.

 

“If this is another arrangement of Iker and Juan’s just leave now and tell them that I am not having it”  
Fernando went back to sleep

 

“According to my key and everything in this bag this is my room”

  
Sergio replied to Fernando

 

“This cant be your room, I am rooming with Juan and you are intruding... Sergio please i am asking nicely Leave... i am not in the mood for confrontation”  
Fernando spoke in a very calm way like Sergio was some room service disturbing him while he wanted to take a nap. He wasn’t acting like they were in a relationship and at the verge of breaking up and it bugged Sergio.

 

“I am the only other person with his Key and that only means that this is my room” Sergio was standing his ground. He dint like the vibe he was getting from Fernando.

 

Sergio walked in and took a sit despite Fernando’s comments. He kept on looking at Fernando hoping he would look at him or say a word, but Fernando ignored him like there was no one there. He was just typing vigorously on his phone after putting the phone to his ears 3 times and looking disappointed.

 

***

  
Juan whistled the song that was now stuck in his head as he carried the luggage to the room. He checked the number on the key to know where he was situated and he made his way swiftly.

 

“Where have you been i’ve been waiting for ages”  
Navas voice was loud and annoying as he launched out of the bathroom

 

“Hey, what are you doing in my room and where is Fernando?”

  
Juan looked at him like he had grown extra heads

 

“Excuse you...you are not Sergio who by the way is my room mate...my key opened this door and i’ve been here for hours waiting for Sergio and you walked in”  
Navas was bitchy but really confused

 

“Okay if this is a silly joke you have to end it...I don't have time for that” Juan was getting agitated now

 

“hey don't use that tone with me am just as confused as you are... I was hoping Sergio would walk through that door and not you...and you were hoping to see Fernando so definitely there had been a mix up somewhere”

 

Navas and Juan went silent for a minute staring at each other and their brain had the same idea but the odds were not looking great.

 

“So if you are not room mates with Sergio and I am not room mates with Fernando where the hell are they?”

  
They gave each other a scary stare and cringed.

 

“We need to find them” Navas supplied

 

Just as they were talking Juan received a message from Fernando

 

 ** _Nando 10:45pm:_** “IT WAS OKAY BEFORE BUT THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE. IF YOU AND IKER ARE DOING THIS IT’S NOT FUNNY”

 

“Oh ohh”

 

Juan exclaimed

 

“What?”

 

Navas asked him. Before Juan could reply he received another message

 

 ** _Nando 10:48pm:_** “SERGIO IS HERE AND HE IS NOT LEAVING”

 

“They are together, we need to find them” Juan answered Navas.

 

Juan had to leave his luggage in the room because it would slow him down since this was an emergency.

 

“Where do you think they are? It’s a lot of rooms to go through and we don’t know how allocations were made” Navas spoke again

 

“I have no Idea; I think we should check here first then we move to the other building”  
They had both gotten a **_15B_** key card and ended up in the second building so they had to search their perimeter before moving to the first house.

 

***

  
The large group that was partying had started to dissipate and it was easier to notice anyone that was missing. Iker looked around and saw that Fernando had disappeared and so had Sergio. It wouldn’t have been odd if not that Sergio had clung to him all night and on normal circumstances he wouldn’t leave his side until they had a conversation which they hadn’t had.

 

He decided to make his way to the room area to find them. It was going to be trial by error as he had no idea where either one of them could be so he started from the first room but it wasn’t long he started searching that he heard voices from a distance.

 

 

> _“You are being cold towards me and I don’t like it...you seem so disinterested in me and it hurts. You can’t even look at me... maybe this happened for a reason you know?”_
> 
>  
> 
> _He could hear one of the voices speaking then another followed_
> 
>  
> 
> _“I have nothing to say to you...I just want you out of here”_
> 
>  
> 
> _“Last night you were willing to talk to me...”_
> 
>  
> 
> _“Keep your distance please”_
> 
>  

As he got closer the voices got louder and clearer and Iker knew he had found them and his speculation was right

 

 

> _“We actually talked and things got better then you snapped. We spent time together and it was great. Can we talk again, please?”_
> 
>  
> 
> **_“Don’t come any closer or I’ll scream I swear to God Sergio”_ **

 

*

  
Iker got to the door and he could see Fernando curled up into a ball at the edge of the bed and Sergio was walking to him. He was now standing close to him almost touching him with his hand

 

 

> _“DON’T YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME”_ Fernando screamed at him and he shuddered

 

 

> “SERGIO!!!”

  
Iker scolded from the door, he had watched Sergio as he clearly walked into Fernando’s personal space after being warned to stay away. Sergio is so stubborn and that is the way he approaches everything in his life even his relationship. He doesn’t understand that something don’t need a hostile take over

 

“What were you trying to achieve?” Iker scolded him again. “He clearly said you should stay away from him but you kept at it”

 

“He won’t even look at me”

  
Sergio blurts distraught like he was holding back tears. Meanwhile Fernando was calm and apart from Sergio forcing himself on him he looked calm and cool and Iker knew what was going on.

 

Fernando looked and acted like he was over Sergio. He meant every word of what he said. He doesn’t care what’s a misunderstanding is and what is not, he really is done and it had started to affect Sergio. He wasn’t ready to let go of Fernando. He dint want this to end.

 

“Can we leave Sergio? I think Fernando needs his privacy” Iker turns to Sergio

 

“So do I”

  
Fernando and Iker exchanged weird eye contact as Sergio casually sat on the other side of the bed and started taking off his shoes. For a second Iker thought Sergio was going crazy.

 

“What is going on here?” Iker asked them with his captain voice but still more focused on Sergio but Fernando felt the need to answer

 

“I was in here taking a nap and he barged in suddenly... I asked him to leave and he wouldn’t”  
Fernando told his side of the story

 

“ I didn’t BARGE in, my key card clearly states that am supposed to be in **_9A_** and that is why I’m here to have a good night sleep”  
Sergio supplied like there was nothing wrong with that.

 

“Let me see”

  
Iker put out his hands and they both walked up to him and they handed him their keys. This madness needed to end

  
 ** _“Fernandotorres9A, Sergioramos9A_** ” Iker looked at the key cards and he was lost for words he dint know how he was going to clean this mess.

“And what happened to Juan and Navas”

  
Iker asked them both. Right on cue the two lads appeared at the door followed by a small group of people who had been listening in on the conversation.

 

“Did you know about this?” Iker asked them both

 

“No” they chorused looking just as clueless as everyone else

 

“I found out when I went to look for Fernando and found Navas waiting for Sergio but apparently my roommate is Navas so...”

  
Juan trailed off before breezing past Sergio to Fernando. He gave him a quick hug

 

“Are u okay? I got your text am sorry”

  
“It’s not your fault...and am fine” he looked fine. Fernando looked more than fine but Sergio didn’t.

  
Before anyone could say anything Fernando spoke again.

 

“Now that we know what happened can this be resolved so everyone can clear out, can he leave now?” The group of people looking in was increasing and Fernando dint want the attention

 

“Sergio you are going to have to move” Iker said without thinking

 

“Why do I have to be the one to move? I don’t see anyone telling him to move”

 

Without invitation Pepe jumped in

 

“If you are being so difficult why don’t you come and share with me?”

 

Iker gave pepe a weird look. His killer instinct could be sensed by everyone, it felt like Sergio was being ganged up against but nobody said a word. Iker wants Sergio out of Fernando’s hair but not in a body bag so Pepe can’t have him.

 

“Sergio you will come with me” Iker made the decision. For a split second it felt like it was going well and this was going to be taken care of until the other guys ruined it.

 

“Oh since we are swapping, xavi why don’t you swap with me so I can room with Gerard?” cesc opened the negotiation

 

“Only if Jordi would swap with me and room with silva so I can room with villa” another negotiation was thrown in and the whole arrangement Del Bosco put together was about to be broken to pieces.

 

“No one is swapping anywhere...Sergio can I have a word” Iker walked out. Everyone could tell he was getting angry at this point. So Sergio followed him quietly.

 

***

“Did you do this?”

 

Iker spoke quietly once he was sure they were at ear shut of everyone else but he wasn’t asking.

 

“Do what?”

Sergio denied but he was doing that thing he does when he lies that only those who know him could detect and Iker knew he was lying.

 

“Don’t be smart with me serg-“

Iker paused and his eyes grew wider like he just had a revelation

 

“Oh what have you done?... it was you wasn’t it?” iker did a slow spin around then looked to check if anyone could hear them but the coast was clear.

 

“What were you thinking?” Iker was concerned

“You told me to take matters into my own hand and do something about it because I fold my hands and nothing changes and that Fernando wasn’t going to wait forever... so I did something about it”

 

 

> _***~~~***_   
>  _Sergio hated lying to Iker and he even hated himself more for lying to Fernando just now but he can’t come clean now. He felt like if he did they will think it’s another sham to make everything better. Nobody would believe him, Fernando would think it’s a joke its like Navas told him months ago that if his plan went wrong nobody would believe him. Now he is even more scared of telling the truth._
> 
> _Sergio waited for Iker to leave before he turned to take the elevator to the level above them to where the officials were._   
>  _He was suddenly having all these feelings. Having that conversation with Fernando for the first time in months made him realise how much he’s missed him and how much in love he was with him. Having Iker telling him to act upon it was the go ahead he needed. Sergio needed to speak to someone to help him with his situation._
> 
> _It’s worked before it will work again, he told himself. Just offer them something and he gets the room he wanted but when he got there the supposed offices were unlocked but empty._
> 
> _Sergio walked in and made himself known in case there was someone he dint notice at first in there but there was no answer. By the time he walked through every inch of the room and it was clear there was no one he could talk to. He was disappointed and started to make an when he found a stack of files that looked important._
> 
> _He was as nosy as they came, he couldn’t stay away. The file was labelled **“Medical Report”** and Fernando was all he could think about. He had just learnt of Fernando’s situation and he saw the pills but he was curious as to what was in the file that he started fishing through all the files till he found Torres._
> 
> _He opened it and couldn’t understand what all the weird scores were. There were a lot of negatives and number 3 and 4’s which made no sense to him. Sergio had no idea what it all meant until he read the feedback at the bottom of every paper in the file._
> 
> _“ **Medical report shows that the individual is not in a good condition for this process and should be withdrawn immediately”**_
> 
> **_“The report concludes that the individual is unstable and should not continue in the process for serious health reasons”_ **
> 
> _Sergio couldn’t believe what he was reading. How could they do that to Fernando, he was training as hard as everyone else and this can’t be taken away from him because of what he was struggling with. Sergio knew what news like that could do to Fernando._
> 
> _He couldn’t stop now, so he picked up the other pile of files labelled **Physiotherapy**_
> 
> **_“Report shows that the individuals is free of injuries and is doing okay with training”_ **
> 
> **_“Report shows that individual is easily fatigued and is not pushing as hard as he could.”_ **
> 
> **_“Report show that the individuals muscle and entire body does not recover as quickly as it used to”_ **
> 
> ****
> 
> _Sergio was even more upset. He dint know what to do, was this some sort of sick joke? He felt guilty. He just heard that he almost killed him and now he’s about to lose his spot on the team because of him? He would never forgive himself if Fernando had to go through this humiliation. He can’t let this decision go through_
> 
> _He dint stop to think, he knew what he was going to do. He removed all the signed and unsigned feedback forms that were in Fernando’s file. He taught it would look suspicious so he decided to take from every single file and just destroy a couple of them because some of the lads were being dick heads to him anyway._
> 
> _Sergio tore the papers into a million pieces and flushed them down the toilet till he was sure everything was gone. Then he took a bottle of water from a shelf and emptied it on the remaining files to make it worse he made sure everything was soiled. He dint think about the repercussion of his actions, he just wanted to protect Fernando._
> 
> _He was still searching for more files to destroy when someone stepped into the room and he had to hide. It was one of the junior officials. He dropped a bunch of files on the desk, he was in such a hurry to leave that he didn’t notice the water that was all over the other stacked files._
> 
> _When he made his exit Sergio rushed to the files and picked them up hoping to find something new to save Fernando from trouble but it was exactly what he was coming here to achieve in the first place._   
>  _A huge smile flashed across his face the file was about the room arrangements and everything else. Not long he started searching that he found a file containing Fernando’s passport photograph and Juan's together in the file with a bunch of harmless papers._
> 
> _Sergio put two and two together and started hunting for his file. He found he was put with Navas so he switched it out. Then to make it legit he messed up some other files of people who are always paired together and then he walked out of the room feeling accomplished and satisfied. Even if he can’t make things with him and Fernando better he just fixed something that he thinks would have devastated Fernando._

***

“Wow... you really don’t know how to do anything subtle do you?”  
Iker finally closed his mouth. He can’t believe Sergio. If Sergio got caught he would be packing immediately and something like this that is drawing a lot of attention could get him caught.

 

“When I said take matters into your own hands I dint mean breaking and entry” Iker shook his head exasperatedly

 

“You dint see the files Iker, they said worse things. This is just the few I could remember. I couldn’t see that and do nothing and I don’t regret doing it”  
Sergio defended his actions

 

“Besides I dint mean to do that my agenda was different, I just thought that if we spent some time together we might be able to get along. You know maybe Fernando would remember us...and we might be able to work things out”

Sergio looked so sad and disappointed  
Iker wanted to tell him that it was over, that Fernando dint want him anymore but he dint think he could tell him that, not after what he just heard. Sergio could burn the house down while they are sleeping

 

“Did you ever think of the possibilities that he would not want to be with you? And frankly Sergio I don’t think it’s good for Fernando for you to be this close to him. If he says he doesn’t want to see you I think you should respect that”

Iker can’t say a word of what he was told on the plane so it’s difficult reasoning with him

 

“I did, but I feel like my heart is going to rip in two. Iker I can’t lose him. I’ve never taught of not being with him. I want to be with him for the rest of my life Iker. I don’t know how to say this but... I...just... I have to keep trying Iker I can’t stop trying”

The first time Iker saw Sergio like this was 10 years ago when he wanted to ask Fernando out and it touched his heart.

 

“Am not supporting what you did up there in that office but am proud of you” Iker smiled at him but only for a short while then he added “you did good for your man, I’ll also protect the people I love”

 

Sergio launched into Iker for a hug and the goalie held unto him. A lot of feelings are coming out of Sergio. If only he would open up and tell someone so they can understand while he was so vulnerable and on edge.

 

“We have to go back. We need to talk to the guy’s hope they understand and let you swap. Because I don’t think you and Fernando can be together” Iker broke the hug and headed back to room 9A

 

***

When they returned they realised that the group had not reduced but increased buy two more people. Apparently they had agreed between themselves and once Iker moved Sergio they would all just swap on their own. When Iker shut them down someone mentioned special treatment and that was when Fernando decided to speak up.

 

“You know what Iker... its okay. I’ll share a room with Sergio. I don’t want any of that comment about me. I’ve never received special treatment and I won’t start now. I’ll follow the rules like everybody else”

 

Fernando addressed the group with such grace that they all started feeling guilty. He just moved away back to where he was lying on the bed but this time he sat down and was arranging the pillows.  
Iker was fascinated; maybe God was on Sergio’s side because everything was looking good. Sergio was shocked. He had anticipated this but never expected it to work out. Juan had worried written all over his face but it was Fernando’s decision so he had to accept it.

 

“Well, since everything is sorted here I think everyone should disperse” but no one was listening to Iker. They were waiting to see the drama unfold.

 

Sergio walked close to the bed and started speaking to Fernando.

 

“I know this is a lot for you so I want to say thank you for letting me stay here” he was about to continue speaking when three massive pillows hit the floor close to his leg.

 

“Oh”

He exclaimed. Of course he was going to sleep on the floor or enjoy the massive couch in the room. The guy’s at the door chuckled, making fun of Sergio.

 

“Okay, I’ll go and get your things Nando no need to stress” Juan announced and made his way out of the room pushing a couple of the guys away from the door.

 

“Yeah I’ll do the same” Navas said addressing Sergio before running to catch up with Juan

 

***

 

“Hey this is good right? You don’t seem too happy about it” Navas didn’t miss it. He saw Juan’s reaction and he dint like that Sergio was staying with Fernando.  
“Or are you developing feeling for him? Navas added

 

“Oh shut up will you...” Juan rolled his eyes

 

They walk together in silence for a while before Navas spoke again

 

“Fine am sorry... I was just asking a question” Navas apologised

 

“Sorry, I dint mean to snap... it’s just, I don’t know if you will understand but this is a really big step. This can affect him really badly like he could be out of it and he-“  
Juan doesn’t know how much Navas actually knows and he dint want to be the one to start spreading something he’s fought so much to hide

 

“I’m sorry I can’t say much”

 

“Its okay, I get it. You are protecting him. I do the same for Sergio but we are not like you and Fernando”

 

Navas told him sincerely

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Juan was curious

 

“You guys are perfect; it’s easy to say that Sergio wasn’t being paranoid because it was so believable, even I believed it for a second. In an ideal world you and Fernando would be together or you could be his mother”

 

Juan laughed but Navas was serious “am being serious, that is how strong the bond between you guys are, it’s so easy and effortless”

 

“Well that is why they say you can’t help who you fall in love with, Love has a mind of its own and it can take you to dangerous and rare places you never knew you could enter and completely ignore what’s right in front of it”

 

Juan spoke from his heart and experience from Sergio and Fernando’s love life

 

“Very True”

 

Navas agreed with him

 

 

“maybe if you didn’t think the worst of me we could actually become friends”

  
Navas managed to say while struggling to let them in when they approached the door

 

Juan looked at him funny and smiled. “I don’t think the worst of you, all I know about you are the wrong decisions you’ve made and also, we are on two opposite sides we never get the chance to make conversation”

 

Juan was also honest with him. If they were going to be sleeping together they might as well get along.

 

*

They started separating both Fernando and Sergio’s things from theirs. When they were finished they began taking the bags into the hall way when a suede pouch fell to the ground.

 

Juan picked it up and handed it to Navas

 

“Here” he said giving it to a confused looking Navas

 

“It’s not mine” Navas replied

 

“It’s not mine either I guess it belongs to Sergio, i know everything Fernando owns it’s not his” Juan replied giving it back to him

 

“Sergio doesn’t own anything like this. I’ve never seen it before” Navas replied confident

 

“But it just fell from that luggage” Juan pointed to the hand luggage that is supposedly Sergio’s

 

Navas went ahead to reveal the content in the pouch and he recognised the case. It was on the bathroom sink in Madrid the day they were preparing to fly into London to surprise Fernando. He thought it was unoriginal that Sergio would give Fernando a wristwatch for another anniversary.

 

“Oh... I think it was Fernando’s anniversary present, I made fun of Sergio for buying Fernando a wrist watch, he never showed me what it looked like. He dint even let me touch it”

 

Navas sounded like a kid that was told he couldn’t touch the cookie jar but now no one is around he could, he carefully took the fairly large box and opened it

 

“OH. MY. GOD... ” Navas exclaimed

 

“OHH MYYY GOD!!!... HE WAS...HE WASSS...” Juan couldn’t speak

 

“YES I KNOW” Navas understood every word

 

“OH SERGIO YOU BLOCK HEAD” Juan dint know how to react to the Engagement ring staring back at him.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank You guys so much for everything.


	12. We Might Have A Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A trip down memory lane reveals deeper secrets that Sergio have been hiding and the deep parts of his emotions after plug. Also, Sergio experiences Fernando's unstable condition firsthand but is there hope for their relationship?

**_We Might Have A Chance_ **

 

> **_“Sergio I don't know what it is about this plan that has got you so impulsive but you really need to take a step back and evaluate the situation”…“I am just saying, It’s just a surprise party and treating him like shit doesn’t cut it... except there is something you are not telling me about this plan”_ **

 

_***_  
It might be late in Brazil but for them the night was still very young. Juan and Navas just found out Sergio’s big secret and the only reaction coming out of either of them is shock. They’ve been starring at each other and back at the box for 30 minutes and neither one of them have had the courage to utter a word.

 

“How did you not know?” Juan started

  
“I mean how did you not know what he was planning, how did you not know that something like this existed” Juan was weakened by it all he doesn’t know if Navas is that dumb or he just doesn’t care

 

“Sergio doesn’t tell me everything like Fernando tells you, I really don’t have a response because I can’t believe I had no clue what was happening right under my nose”

Navas was also in shock. He settled for resting his entire body lazily against the door and Juan suddenly feels guilty for blaming him. Being kept in the dark by the one person you trust the most must be heart breaking.

 

***

  
He doesn’t know how to react anymore the information is becoming too much for him. Juan now understood both sides and the complexity of the situations are giving him a headache. He’s never hated Sergio because he knows Fernando loves him and he’s not all bad. He only disliked some of Sergio’s life choices and the way Sergio treated Fernando. But this was something new.

 

Juan has never loved anyone to the point of wanting to risk all to be with them like Sergio wants to be with Fernando. His relationship with Fernando is limited so he is not allowed to feel those things. He’s always believed that asking someone to marry you is stronger than anything anyone could ever go through because it involves accepting another person as if they were you and being ready to live with that for the rest of your life.

 

Juan has strong believes about marriage and relationships and this has made him develop a bit of respect for Sergio because he believes that at the point where you start to plan to say those words, and ask someone to spend the rest of their life with you in marriage you would have completely stripped yourself of everything you know and believe as an individual and are ready to bring in someone else into your life to form a duo that is required to be one.

 

For months through years you start to accept and then you ask yourself the question as if they were asking you and you look at your reaction. If you want it so bad it means you are getting there. You love their flaws and their imperfections. You trim your edges to fit with them and you observe how well it works and then you adjust. This process can take months to years. You will find people who have been thinking about proposing for years and months planning and planning until they finally do. But the fear that comes with it can ruin a man that is why most people don’t do it alone. But Sergio has been on this journey alone.

 

“JUAN!”

 

the sound of Navas’ voice came with a hard shove on his shoulder

 

“Hey dude you just zoned out are you okay?”

 

Navas asked a very worried looking Juan

 

Juan adjusted himself on the bed starring at the box which he took from Navas. He couldn’t stop to think of what difference this would have made if everything had gone as planned.

 

“You know since everything had been going on and finally got revealed there is a part of me that thought that not all of it was a misunderstanding and Sergio just hurt Fernando because he is a jerk”

  
Juan opened the box and looked at the ring once again, none of them have had the courage to actually pick it up but they are not oblivious to not know what it was.

 

“But…”

he continued

  
“But now I know. He NEVER meant to hurt him. Sergio could never have done anything to hurt Fernando” Juan spoke so slowly like he was losing his mind

 

But it was like Navas understood his thoughts and everything he was feeling even though he knew more, he understood where Juan’s words where coming from and the emotions behind it. Navas who had been pacing finally sat down.

 

“I know… It might sound cheesy but my mom always tell me that the act of selflessness that comes with wanting someone with you for the rest of your life is so grand that everything you do, you do it for their good and sometimes you lose yourself in the process, and frankly that is what has happened to Sergio”

  
Navas’ watched the way Juan looked at him and he didn't understand. He suddenly felt the need to justify himself so he won’t look stupid.

 

“It’s not like she’s religious or some marriage guru, it’s just…you know, it's marriage, it’s not something he just woke up and decided to do, he has had this in his mind for a while. Well maybe it’s just me being brain washed by my mum but asking someone to be with you is not as easy as it looks”

  
He caught Juan starring. He tried to vindicate himself but maybe he just made it worse.

 

“Did I say something wrong? Navas was mortified his eyes avoiding contact with Juan’s.

 

“No it’s just…I have similar views”

Juan said to him.

  
Navas smiled bashfully and Juan just shook his head. You never know how much you actually have in common with someone until you make an effort to make conversation.  
They stare at each other for the longest of time before Juan speaks again.

 

“I can’t believe he decided to do this alone. The fear, anticipation and pressure must have been such a struggle you know… Keeping this huge secret and always being on edge and constantly second guessing himself”

  
Juan sounded like he felt sorry for Sergio.

 

“It all makes sense now”

Navas looked like he just had a revelation.

 

“All the irrational behavior, the paranoia, the fear and desire to self destruct and the impulsiveness, it all makes sense now. You know we used to argue everyday about nonsense and I never understood it”

  
Navas took a sit close to Juan.

 

“There was a time we got into a fight because he thought I had gone through his stuff and I laughed because I always do. I spend a lot of time in his house when I am in Madrid and that had never been an issue, but at that time he wouldn’t let me go close to his personal things, I overlooked it but I get it now, he was hiding the ring”  
Juan didn't say anything he just kept on making eye contact with Navas urging him to go on.

 

“It got really weird after that. I know for a fact that Sergio trusts Fernando more than he even trusts himself but he suddenly started doubting Fernando, asking me weird things like if I thought Fernando was seeing someone else, if Fernando had given up on him...weird things like that. Sometimes we would be hanging out and he would be like I wonder what he is doing, I wonder if he misses me… I usually just thought he was so in love he was losing his mind. It never occurred to me that he was tying loose ends and making sure everything was perfect before he popped the question. I only started getting suspicious when he started asking questions about you and Fernando’s relationship”

 

“Meanwhile Fernando was spending everyday wondering what he did that Sergio was pulling away from him. Sergio got so invested in his plans that he started mistreating the only person he cares about”

Juan supplied.

 

***

  
Fernando and Sergio’s problems started long before Plug, Plug was just the last straw that broke the camel’s back. It was the final incident that triggered everything between them and set their relationship for destruction.  
For over a year they’ve been growing apart. It got to the point where Fernando’s teammates at Chelsea thought his relationship with Sergio was made up because there was no evidence to prove otherwise.

 

Sergio stopped visiting all of a sudden, and whenever he wanted to visit, Sergio always found an excuse to make him cancel. They are both very busy men because in their line of business they hardly get anytime off but whatever time they got Sergio never wanted to spend it together.  
But it got worse, Sergio stopped being affectionate. He started forgetting the little things. Like telling Fernando how much he adores him and makes him happy. Or when they meet at away matches and Sergio would leave immediately rather than staying with Fernando or hug him for longer than necessary. Or after a phone call he stopped saying I love you. He forgot birthdays, valentine and family events they attended together. Fernando grew very worrisome thinking the worst of everything and didn’t know when his health started to deteriorate for almost 2 years.

 

***

  
Navas looked at Juan and he was swollen with information itching to spill. He was about to tell Juan things he’s never heard before.

 

“You know everyone see’s Sergio as this monster that hurt Fernando but no one actually tries to understand him or see what this is doing to him. There are always two sides to a story. I’ve never seen Sergio more broken than I saw him that night at Plug or the way he changed after he thought he had lost Fernando forever”  
Navas lets out his thoughts because Sergio has also been through a lot.

 

*

 

>   
> **_“And don't worry about the surprise party I called the crew to clean up the place. It’s like you never came around... and I am not sure if that a good thing or not._ **
> 
>  
> 
> **_Navas says looking at Sergio who had passed out on the passenger sit. He took a good glance at him and shook his head. He knows the only reason he cut Sergio so much slack after what Sergio does to him is because he’s known him all his life and Sergio is a nice guy and he also knows that Sergio’s drinking is not his fault but he knows sooner or later he would receive his wake up call to give it up._ **
> 
>  
> 
> **_“I hope for your sake, Fernando is not really over you because I really can’t handle all of this... I don't know how he does it”_ **
> 
> **_Navas says under his breath in reference to Fernando as he starts driving them to the hotel._ **
> 
>  

*

 

> _When they got to the hotel Navas helped Sergio into bed. Sergio had been saying all sorts of things to put on a brave front even saying hurtful words to Navas but now that they had stepped away from the drama reality has started to sip in. He accepted the aspirin that was handed to him but said no words._
> 
>  
> 
> _Navas made an effort to get him to speak but Sergio was determined to be quiet. It was late at night that he started hearing someone smashing things. He had given Sergio some space so he slept on the couch. Sergio had lost his mind. All the things on the side table had found themselves to the floor including phones, tablets and every other thing that was on the table..._
> 
>  
> 
> _“Hey Sergio calm down” Navas had tried but he didn't go close to him. Sergio is a big boy and if he took a swing at Navas it could be fatal._
> 
>  
> 
> _“He switched off his phone…He switched off his phone” Sergio had cried as he drove his arm into the wall in a frightening punch._
> 
>   
> _Then Navas realized that Sergio had been trying to get in touch with Fernando but it seemed like Fernando was in no mood to be spoken to. Before Navas could find a soothing word Sergio was choking on words as he sobbed._
> 
>  
> 
> _“I love him… I love him so much. What am I suppose to do with my life now? Fernando is my life… Where do I go from here. I had planned it. It was suppose to be perfect. We are supposed to be together forever, grow old together…I… I can’t believe he doesn’t love me”_
> 
> _Sergio cried, his emotions had taken over him._
> 
>  
> 
> _Navas knew there was nothing he could do. He had to allow him let his pain out. Sergio cried himself to sleep that night._
> 
>  
> 
> _In the morning Sergio had woken up restless like something was terribly wrong. He kept saying he was panicking for no reason and he had a bad feeling something was wrong. Being an alcoholic Navas passed it off as the aftermath of the booze from the previous night and decided it was time to go back._   
> _They left London and were back in Madrid. But it’s like Navas was with a ghost. After Sergio’s outburst the night before and the way he felt that morning he had problem talking. He kept to himself and he spoke no words._
> 
>  
> 
> _That night Sergio cried himself to sleep and he did so the next night and the night after that. It was a recurring experience. Sergio stopped going out, he disappeared from social media and his phone was switched off for weeks. That was Sergio’s life for a while until one morning Navas matched into his room and found him hugging a photo of Fernando and balling his eyes out._
> 
>  
> 
> _“This has to stop...Fernando is not dead Sergio… stop mourning” Navas was scared that Sergio was going to be diagnosed with depression._
> 
>  
> 
> _He hadn’t spoken to anyone in days, he hadn’t showered and he hadn’t eaten anything. He looked really rough and it bothered Navas. Sergio is a very high energy person very funny and upbeat but all that was gone in a flash._
> 
>  
> 
> _He was now a sourpuss and very bitter. He always had a tear in his eyes like a man in mourning. His face always looked the same way. Sad and tear filled. Navas tried so hard to break the wall that Sergio had put around himself but he couldn’t get in. Sergio wouldn’t talk to him, the only time he talked was when he was dreaming and he unconsciously says Fernando’s name in his dream._
> 
>  
> 
> _It was into the second week that Navas was able to get through to him. Navas walked into his room which had now turned to a Fernando shrine at this time. Shirts, under wears, football Jersey’s, after shave, perfume and presents. Anything that reminded Sergio of Fernando was in sight and he was sobbing._
> 
>   
> _“Hey...Sergio…are you okay?”_
> 
>   
> _Navas had announced himself before walking in. he sat close to Sergio_
> 
>   
> _“Why are you doing this? This is not healthy… Are you giving up?...You said you loved him and you’re suppose to be together, how is that going to happen if you are not taking care of yourself?”_
> 
>   
> _Navas tried to bring him back._
> 
>  
> 
> _“He doesn’t love me anymore and I ruined everything, he’s not going to want me anymore… After a year and six months I ruined everything. I don’t deserve him if I can’t do this. He doesn’t need this”_
> 
>   
> _Navas was confused but Sergio was in a speaking mood_
> 
>  
> 
> _“I’ve been going to AA meetings to get cleaned up so Fernando and I can have a healthy relationship. But I ruined everything and my sponsor say I can’t see him if I have a bad relapse like I just did”_
> 
>   
> _Navas was confused. Sergio was so secretive that he kept everyone in the dark. But now he understood while Sergio always got irritated when he wanted to reprimand him about his drinking because he wasn’t drinking he just let Navas think he was drinking. He was finally getting help._
> 
>  
> 
> _“Oh Sergio, I am so sorry… What does this mean?” Navas knows nothing about this stuff and he really wants to understand the magnitude of the situation_
> 
>  
> 
> _“It means even if I want to see him or talk to him I can’t. My sponsor said it’s going to trigger something. So I can’t even call him to know why he did this to me… Why he decided to break my heart” Sergio started crying again._
> 
>  
> 
> _“Why would he hurt me so badly…? I’ve loved him and only him for 10 years. I’ve wished, hoped and prayed to which ever God would listen to make us be together forever and for a long time I thought I had my wish” Sergio let the tears roll down his eyes._
> 
>  
> 
> _He’s never really been through a break up that really mattered in his life. All the girls he dated in high school were all what they were. Fernando was his first serious relationship and he’s been in it till now. This is the first heart break he is experiencing and he is a 29 year old man who doesn’t know how to deal with his emotions._   
> _“Why did he do that to me Navas? Am I cursed that the one person I love does not love me back?” Sergio cried some more. Navas felt so much pity for him but he didn't know how to help him but maybe the news would helps._
> 
>   
> _“Sergio you need to calm down okay… I need you to be calm… Because I checked your email and you’ve been called up for the confederations cup. This might be the distraction you need… A tournament to keep you occupied and get your head back in the right place”_
> 
> _Navas had broken the news with excitement but Sergio wasn’t same._
> 
>  
> 
> _“I can’t go” Sergio was firm_
> 
>   
> _“Don’t be stupid… this is a great opportunity. An opportunity we’ve been waiting for, for a very long time” Navas was blunt. Sergio needed this, they all needed this._
> 
>  
> 
> _“What if Fernando is there? And what if Juan is there as well? How am I going to face them both? I can’t stand seeing them together… I don’t think I want to go”_
> 
>   
> _Sergio made up excuses that would exempt him but Navas had reminded him about how new adventures are like therapy for him and when he is engaged in a new project he deals better with stuff and also he would get the chance to ask Fernando what he did wrong and know where they are at._   
> _Sergio had taken the advice and started training to get in shape and he was looking better and better every day. But internally the wounds were taking their time to heal._
> 
>  

_***_

  
“This might connects some dots for you” Navas had already started revealing secrets he might as well say it all.

  
“Sergio made me swear to secrecy not to mention this but I feel like I should.” Juan suddenly perks up giving his attention to Navas.

 

“Sergio has been attending AA meetings. And he’d been sober for over a year before he had that drink that night at Plug. Sergio was so religious with his meetings because he was so eager to get better. He always said he needed to get his life together for Fernando but I never really understood why it had to be drastic”

  
Navas didn’t feel like he was betraying Sergio at all. Looking at Juan he felt like he was doing the right thing

 

“He told me that at his Alcoholic Anonymous meetings, they suggested that he stayed away from relationships and sex because being that he was an addict and was drinking to cope he could easily replace alcohol with either of those things and it could ruin his life… also, because of Fernando’s condition which Sergio opened up about his sponsor advised him to show support but not be invested or he will use Fernando as an excuse to keep drinking.”

 

Juan rolled his eyes for a second. That’s all Sergio had been doing. Using Fernando’s condition as an excuse to drink but when Fernando started getting better he realized he had a problem but couldn’t do something about it.

 

“Well, we both know Sergio doesn’t know how to do anything properly so he misinterpreted the “don’t get invested” part and totally distanced himself from Fernando. Keep him in the dark for over a year. And not just Fernando actually, his family and friends including me and Iker”

 

“Why did he not let Fernando in on it? At least Fernando could understand and keep his distance and he could show his support or you or Iker? Iker would have been able to help” Juan chimed

 

“Sergio said he wanted to protect Fernando that’s why he didn’t tell him. He said Fernando had a lot on his plate and he doesn’t need his baggage to stress him out and he’s suppose to be the one taking care of Fernando not the other way round. He told me that there were so many times when Fernando had wanted to visit that he shut him down because he didn't want to risk Fernando finding out and other times he’s been free to travel that he decided against going to London because of his virtual meetings”

 

“Wait what? They have those now?”

Juan cut him off

 

“No, not really… It’s something his sponsor set up for him for when he was out of town like on away games. I’ve never seen Sergio take anything so seriously. For the past couple of days Sergio has been having his meetings after that night he had a drink.”

 

“Wow…Just wow I feel like I'm in a soap opera that the drama never ends” Juan started to open up to Navas. He has a lot on his mind but there are things that he couldn’t even say to Fernando but for some reason he felt comfortable talking to Navas.

 

“Are we all out of our minds here? Are we doing the right thing? Because every ounce of my being is telling me that this is a bad idea” Juan suddenly spoke out but he wasn’t making any sense.

  
“I don’t understand”

 

“This whole thing we are encouraging looks like a recipe for disaster. Sergio is a recovering alcoholic who is highly unstable and Fernando is a recovering…” Juan didn't want to say the word, he didn't know what Navas knew but the other completed his stamen to tell him it was okay.

  
“Suicidal patient” Navas added.

  
“Yes, a suicidal patient who would always need to manage his health for the rest of his life. I just don’t know if we are doing the right thing or am I crazy?”

 

Juan lets it rip. No one is talking about it but everyone has thought it once but now they are at cross road and he doesn’t know if he is doing the right thing and he looks to Navas for something, anything.

 

“Do you know the saying can two blind men help each other cross a river or something?” Navas asked and Juan nods in acknowledgement

 

“Well most people usually use it so discourage two people who are bad for each other into getting in an alliance, but if there is anything I know about Sergio, it is how much he loves Fernando and with everything I’ve experienced over the years I know Fernando feels the same way”

  
Juan was wandering where Navas was going with this.

 

“There is something my mom used to say to me when I try to use this as an excuse to get out of a relationship, that if two blind men trust each other and enjoy each other’s company enough to be together for a while then they can help each go around that river. That it might take them a long time but together hand in hand they will work slowly and steadily with the aid of things around them to get to their final destination and when they get there they would be closer than ever”

 

Navas smiled at Juan “So you see I do believe in this" "They are not perfect. They are both damaged if I am allowed to say that, but together they are strong. Fernando is the only person that can help and control Sergio and when he is in Sergio’s life everything makes sense and when he is not Sergio is like a broken glass. I don’t know about Fernando but I can speak for Sergio. Fernando is the best thing that ever happened to him and I don’t think I am ready to give up on that”

 

“Wow…”

Juan was lost for words he’s never felt more out of it than now. He’s usually the one with the answers but Navas just surprised him and for some reason he liked that.

 

“So what do we do? About this?”

Juan was still holding the ring

 

“I think we should help them get together, except of course you feel like Sergio is bad news for Fernando” Navas backtracks.

 

“No, they are perfect for each other, I just worry too much. But everything you said about Sergio is the same for Fernando just that all Fernando knows right now is pain. But if love sure does conquer all I believe they will find their way back to each other”

 

Navas hesitates for a while then speaks up.

  
“I hope you don’t get offended but… I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I don’t know how to tell you, But I think you should step aside a bit… With you there Fernando would never know what it’s like to miss Sergio because he is so comfortable with you”

 

“Oh…okay”

  
Juan’s reaction was a bit startled. He didn't want to think about it. After everything they’ve been through, he didn't want to see himself as a problem.

  
“Okay…We should get their luggage to them”

  
Navas quickly collected the ring from Juan and placed it on the bed. He saw how uncomfortable his suggestion made Juan and he wanted to stop.

 

“Is that not part of their luggage?”

Juan asked confused as he was trying to make his way out.

 

“Exactly, if Sergio doesn’t find the ring he would be obligated to ask me if I have seen it then it won’t be a secret anymore and we can talk about it”

***

  
Juan and Navas got to 9A with the two sets of luggages and knocked on the door. Sergio opened the door like a husband in the dog house while Fernando lay in bed with his back to the couch where Sergio had set up like an angry wife. The whole scene was funny to Juan he started to chuckle when Sergio gestured they come in a whisper so he wouldn’t wake Fernando.

  
Navas nudged Juan on the shoulder to keep him quiet because it did look funny after what they found out about Sergio, every action of Sergio was making sense. He was whipped. So in love he is losing his mind.

 

“These are his things”

  
Juan pointed to Fernando’s stuff before going in for a handshake. Once he was done he moved to Fernando leaving Sergio and Navas to talk. Juan didn't spend too long with Fernando. The point Navas made was still ringing at the back of his head so he just asked him if he was okay and the striker said he was fine and would do his best to ignore Sergio but Juan told him to try not to put up a wall. That he should be calm and let his body feel whatever it feels.  
He left Fernando confused, but Fernando was feeling really drained to even ask what he meant he just nodded of and went to sleep.

 

Juan was about to walk out of the room when he had a change of heart and pulled Sergio to a corner of the room just by the door. Maybe if they were going to start helping and he was going to step back as Navas had suggested he should start by giving Sergio a heads up.

 

“Hey “

Juan jumped right to it.

 

“It’s not as easy as we make it look. Yes, he’s having a hard time and he has it under control. But the truth is it’s not as good as we make it out to be. There is so much more you don’t know that I can’t tell you right now”

Juan paused when he saw the petrified look on Sergio’s face

 

“I want you to think of the worst moments you’ve been through together. Get your mind to when Fernando was at his worst and be at alert”

They make eye contact in the dark and Sergio blinks like he understands.

 

“Every night is a struggle but I trust you. I trust you with him I want you to know that. Take care of him okay? Show him how much you love him. Just be there for him if he needs anything. You stopped telling him that a while ago, he hasn’t heard that in a while it would be nice for him to know that, make him know you still love him and nothing has changed”

 

If Sergio was surprised and shocked at Juan’s attitude towards him he dint show it. He just put his head down like a wounded boy and Juan felt the urge to hug him and tell him its okay but he didn’t.

 

Juan settled for talking instead.

  
“Well, his medication is in the bag I kept on your couch. The dose is changed but everything is written on the containers. He already had a dose a couple of hours ago and his next one is by 6:30am. If you need anything call my phone.”

  
Juan just continued to lecture Sergio and when he was done they had a bro hug and he was gone.

 

***

It was around 3:00am in the middle of the night that Sergio started hearing a weird noise that woke him up. It was like someone was hitting some sort of wood but it wasn’t in a pleasant way then it was followed by a moderate but frantic scream.

 

Sergio woke up immediately and the noise got louder. It was coming from the bed, from Fernando. Fernando was having a nightmare but he couldn’t wake up. It’s one of those dreams where you know you are dreaming but you can’t wake up.  
Fernando was hitting his hands against the headboard to force himself awake but he wouldn’t wake up. It was a scary sight to behold because he had his consciousness but he couldn’t control what was happening to him. Sergio jumped off the couch and flung himself on the bed in record time and started to shake Fernando awake.

 

**_“Nando… Wake up! Come on…. Fer… Wake up"_ **

  
Sergio didn't know what to do. He hasn’t been in this position in a very long time and he didn't know how to take care of him.

 

**_"Common baby wake up"_ **

  
Sergio pleaded but it was all to no avail then he had an idea. Shock could make him wake up. Sergio shoved Fernando to the ground suddenly, as he hit the floor hard he woke up but he was scared out if his mind he started shaving all over and having a panic attack.

 

It all came back to him. Sergio didn't have to think of what to do next. The defender immediately joined the striker on the floor. He took his position behind the older man sitting him up right. Sergio held onto both of Fernando’s hands and urged him to breath.

 

**_"Slowly babe… Take… Take a deep breath, innnnn and out!"_ **

  
Fernando was still wheezing

  
_“I can’t….. Huuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh hnuuuuuum…. I can’t breathe”_ Fernando tried but ended up acting like he was choking.

 

“Common baby, you can do this… I'm here… You are okay. It was just a nightmare… You’re okay. I'm here for you, I love you”  
Sergio rocked him from side to side soothing him. Like magic the sound of Sergio’s voice calmed him down and he began to breath. Still fast but he was breathing.

 

"You’re okay baby…"

 

Sergio was relieved, he could feel a little bit of tension escape from Fernando and then Fernando relaxed into Sergio. His head fell back and rested on Sergio’s body and soon he was breathing properly but very lazily.

 

Sergio closed his eyes to take in the moment. This is them. In a bad situation but this is them. Together in sync and he’s missed this. He wants this back. His little thought process was interrupted by the words Fernando said to him when he initially entered the room and he mistook him for Juan.

 

“Hey… Fer, when was the last time you took your medication?”

  
Sergio asked but the striker was drifting fast… Sergio cupped the side of his face and started patting him subtly. Fernando opened his eyes but it was obvious he was out of it. Sergio could swear he had no idea where he was or what was going on like he was off his meds.

 

“Common not yet, did you skip a pill?”

  
Sergio asked again and Fernando managed to nod.

 

Sergio made a quick decision. He was strong enough and Fernando had lost a lot of body mass he was light to carry. Sergio scooped him off the floor to the bed before taking his phone to call Juan.

 

 

> _**Juan:** “Sergio is everything okay?” Juan sounded worried.” What’s going on?” Navas’ voice could be heard from the background_   
> _**Sergio** :”Its mi amor, I think he missed a dose. He said something about not taking them because they were in your luggage._   
> _**Juan:** “OH SHIT” is he okay?_   
> _**Sergio** : Yeah I was able to get him stable, he had a terrible nightmare. I am scared to let him sleep off again it was so bad” Sergio sounded petrified. “What medication do I give to him?_   
> _**Juan** : Just give him a dose of the **Excitopram** he missed and there are some blue pills there give him one of those as well. It’s supposed to make him feel okay after trauma or a nasty episode._   
> _**Sergio:** Okay thank you. Okay bye._
> 
>  

Sergio put down his phone and retrieved the bag that contained Fernando’s medication that Sergio had kept close to him. It was easy to find what medication Juan had told him to give to Fernando. Soon he was back in the bed with a bottle of water from the fridge in the room.

  
“Fer, wake up. You’ve got to take this”

  
Sergio crawled into the bed and helped Fernando take his medication. Fernando had to sit up for awhile so he doesn’t throw up but he was so sleepy to stay upright Sergio had to crawl in bed with him. He let Fernando rest on him for awhile and when he was sure Fernando would be okay he decided to leave and go back to his couch.

 

Sergio tried to pull Fernando off him but the older man wouldn’t let himself be moved. Sergio is stronger but Fernando had no desire to move. Sergio started to pull away again and Fernando began whining and just moved further into him. Sergio didn't want this to be misread but then again Fernando looked like he needed him and he couldn’t turn away from him so he decided to stay.

  
***

  
In the morning Fernando woke up first. He felt cosy and extra comfortable. He enjoyed the warmed that enveloped him like a cocoon. Fernando yawned and moved further into the warmth before it occurred to him that it was someone. At first he thought it was Juan but the body was bigger.

 

Fernando opened his eyes and looked at the arms around him. The familiar tattoo’s stared back at him, for a moment he wanted to pull away but he couldn’t ignore how he really felt. He craved it. He wanted Sergio. This was nice. Who was he kidding? He could never be over his man. The only man he’s loved for a decade, he spent his youth loving this man and he can’t run away anymore he loves him. He still loves him.

 

Fernando didn't pull away. He did all he could do. The older man turned in the younger man arms and buried his face in the croak of his neck, pretending to be fast asleep and then he closed his eyes and kept pretending enjoying the closeness he felt to Sergio.

  
***

  
Sergio had set an alarm for 6:30 but he woke up before that. When he woke up and saw Fernando nuzzled into him Sergio pretended like he was getting comfortable and used the opportunity to give Fernando a warm hug. He stared at the love of his life as he slept. Looking so peaceful and he didn't want to hurt him ever again. He wants him to look like this every day of his life, peaceful and free of worry.

  
_“Oh God... I love you... I hope you still love me”_

Sergio whispered looking at Fernando before leaning in to kiss his forehead.

But they had a lot to deal with and Sergio didn't want to be caught on Fernando’s bed. He didn't want Fernando to get the wrong idea. He told him clearly that he should stay away, so Sergio had to honour that. He snuck away silently back to his couch and pretended like he spent the night there instead of with Fernando in his arms.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again Thanks to everyone for everything. especially stine for being my rock while i wrote this chapter.


	13. Forgetting All that's Been

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when its Fernando Torres you should be prepared because anything is bound to happen even the least likely things in life;  
> Fernando's day starts of good, goes rocky and then developed into a disaster but at the end of the day. He thinks he might be okay after all and it might be time to forget all that's been.
> 
> Juan and Navas get closer and a little more of Iker and Pepe

  " _ **FORGETTING ALL THAT'S BEEN"**_

 

 

> _**“Oh God... I love you... I hope you still love me”** _

 

***

  
When Fernando left the room that morning it was with a huge smile on his face. He wasn’t asleep and had overheard Sergio say that he loves him and that clouded his thoughts all morning. It’s not that Sergio said it at all because it would be like every other time and mean nothing but it was the sincerity with which Sergio said those words when he thought no one was listening.

 

Fernando snuck out of the room quietly with a huge smile on his face and immediately the doors shut behind him he collapse against it with his eyes shut and started thinking of their little moment. **_The way Sergio held him in his arms the previous night_** ; Fernando unknowingly wrapped his arms around his body smiling deeply with his eyes closed, _**the way he leaned into him and kissed his for head when he thought he was in a deep sleep**_ ; Fernando placed his fingers on the place Fernando had kissed him last night trying to feel everything again through his memory.

 

His moment was broken by some of his teammates going down the stairs and he immediately snapped out of it and made his way down with his teammates but he was cheerful. He didn’t know if his feeling were okay; they were not in a good place as a couple, a lot had happened between him and Sergio and they were at the verge of separating. Fernando wants to feel guilty for having all this feeling for Sergio after everything but he can’t bring himself to do it. There was something about last night that makes everything okay.

  
*

  
He entered the huge room that had the dining area, the kitchen and the front room and it’s like he was back in summer camp but with grown men. The noisy chatter that filled the room increased as he moved closer and it was clear that different groups were having different conversations at the same time as its always is with the national team. They are a team but everyone still has their group of friends that they hang out with.

 

It suddenly occurred to Fernando as he stepped into the dinning area that although he might have woken up early, the other guys were earlier than he was and most of the food was gone. The readymade meals the team was provided with had gone missing in the stomachs of the boys that were now chilling in the living area, as well as all the fruits that were easy to eat.

  
All that were left were a couple of cereals _(he isint a cereal kind of guy)_ , watermelons and pineapples and they needed cutting. Fernando decided to pour himself a glass of milk- doctor said its good for him he doesn’t like milk very much but hey...doctors orders- to keep him going before he figured out how he was going to take care of his stomach.

 

*

  
“There he is... the man of the hour”

  
Gerard jokes as Sergio made his way down the stairs and the different groups came as one in complete silence. And it occurred to Fernando that most of the conversations were about what happened last night between him and Sergio, except for Juan and Navas who looked cosy in the corner like they were sharing a secret.

 

Sergio looked rough, not tattered like he hadn’t looked after himself because he was easy on the eye but his expressions and demeanour gave him away. He carried himself like he hadn’t slept a wink and was in desperate need of a long rest. Fernando smiled secretly inside his glass of milk as Sergio continued to make his way he doesn’t know how to react, was Sergio pretending or did he really not get any sleep because of him?.

 

“How did you sleep?”

  
Pepe asked as a roar of laughter followed. They all knew the condition in which they left him last night and they could only imagine the worst. But he still dint make any statement and Fernando was still smiling silently waiting for his reply.

 

Sergio made his way to grab a bowl to make himself cereal when cesc pushed it further

  
“How was the couch, Comfy enough for you?”

 

Another roar of laughter accompanied it then Sergio replied with a straight face

  
“My back hurts but I’ll live...”

 

But it was Fernando who had a hard time keeping a straight face. He snorted at the comment and spilled a little of his milk before turning his back on the crowd to shield his face, Sergio was faking it.  
It read as though Fernando was amused that his punishment for Sergio worked so the other guys laughed with him but he was laughing at Sergio. Sergio has no idea that he knows.

 

***

  
The room had grown quiet after a few minutes of shaming. Sergio was now in the midst of his teammates with his cereal in hands. Iker came in and addressed them in his captain voice with Pepe chiming in at every chance he got as co-captain.

  
They just got the information that they had the day off and could do whatever they wanted but tomorrow would see the decision on first draft of who would kickoff training and be a part of Spain’s First appearance team on Sunday the 16th against Uruguay. They were also supposed to be open to surprise visits. Due to all information being lost, they would squeeze in everything they needed to do in their free time.

 

Fernando heard what he wanted to hear and totally blocked what else was being said just a few steps from him. The Spanish forward grabbed the watermelon and a rather large knife; to be honest it looked more like a machete than a kitchen knife. Before he could gain his composer and cut into the fruit he heard his Captains cautioning him like a baby about to put its tiny hands in fire.

 

“Fernando that’s a large knife, are you sure you should be holding that... do you need some help?”

  
Iker threw an offer his way. But it wasn’t really an offer. It was a warning for him to be careful.

 

Fernando was embarrassed. Everyone looked at him with weird facial expressions trying to figure out what was going on. He tried so hard to block out the fact that Sergio was there and he could see everything that was happening. Fernando rolled his eyes at the comment and went further to cut the fruit. As he was about put the knife through the fruit he got distracted by Pepe’s annoying voice.

 

“Fernando what are you doing taking a risk like that, stop what you are doing and I’ll have someone fix you something”

 

Everyone suddenly turned towards Fernando with their, are you sure he is okay faces. Iker being protective of him was one thing but Pepe Reina being a mama bird meant something was definitely up and it had to be serious.  
They were drawing unnecessary attention to him and he dint like it. He knows everyone had their speculations and he had tried to ignore it but a scene like this would make people start asking the right questions.

 

“Can I have a word?”

  
Fernando announced without turning to face either of them but they both chorused

 

“Me?”

  
He rolled his eyes again

 

“Both of you”

  
He then walked out to the pool area in the garden and they followed. Leaving everyone else to wonder what was being said

 

*

  
“I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU BOTH THINK YOU ARE DOING BUT YOU NEED TO STOP”

  
Fernando started off really angry and strong the moment they were ear shut of the others. He dint look impressed at all.

 

“I don’t understand why you think drawing attention to me and something that isn’t your business is okay... this is my life and I would appreciate it if you both dint butt in”

  
Fernando concluded with a calmer tone but still sounded rushed

 

“You told me this huge thing Fernando, and am sorry I can’t stop worrying about you”

  
Iker was being honest. Ever since Fernando opened up to him about his near death experience and his current medical situation Iker can’t seem to control the urge to protect Fernando that he suddenly felt. He’s been through a lot and Iker felt like he needed to be cared for.

 

“Maybe I made a mistake telling you. I thought it was a good idea confining in you, to trust you. I guess I was wrong”

  
Fernando was mean to Iker because he was pissed off. Iker might have had good intentions but everyone would start asking questions that would lead to the reveal of what he’s had to live with and he doesn’t want anyone to look at him with pity. Fernando’s words dug deep into Iker and he froze with his face telling Fernando that he was sorry and dint mean it that way.

 

“Fernando we worry because we care, we just want you to be more careful”

  
Pepe tried to calm him down

 

“Butt out okay?”

  
Fernando words were like daggers

 

“I dint even tell you remember? You just had to eavesdrop and make yourself a part of something that wasn’t your business”

  
Fernando was cruel. He spat those words and then walked out on the both of them. He dint go back inside he took off towards the beach.

  
*

  
“Guess it’s his time of the month huh? Was it necessary to go off on me like that?”

  
Pepe tried to lighten the mood but it only got him a shove on the shoulder from Iker

 

“It’s not always about you Pepe... and you can’t say that... its offensive. Besides we embarrassed him. Thinking about it now we were out of order. If he wasn’t going to cut himself the way we distracted him was dangerous enough to make him do it unconsciously”

  
It’s like Iker had started to gain sense again.

 

“I just panicked you know...I guess we over did it a little and we owe him an apology”

  
Pepe came around

 

“Yeah I can’t imagine what he must be going through. I think he is trying to lead a normal life and put everything behind him despite what he’s been through recently and both us breathing down his neck like that must have made him feel like nothing had changed”

  
Iker was a little disappointed in himself

  
“It’s hard to take control of your life when everything is so out of control. And I might have added extra pressure on him. Knowing he doesn’t need that...”

 

“I get where you are coming from but I can’t turn my back on him now that I know what he is going through. I have been so locked out of his life I feel like I’ve betrayed him in some way but now we have the opportunity to do something I feel like I can’t look the other way and pretend like I don’t know”

  
Iker understood the emotion that Pepe felt towards Fernando and he was glad they were finally at the same page. But once it looked like Pepe was getting emotional he goes and destroys it

 

“By the way where is Juan? Is he out of his mind letting him hold a knife?”

  
Pepe was back to himself, sappy is not his style and it caused Iker to laugh.

 

“Would it kill you to actually show emotion without being annoying?”

  
Iker was still laughing. It’s all an act, at least most of the time. Pepe does it to make the boys think he doesn’t care but actually he does. He cares too much that’s why he backtracks and plays bad cop all the time.

 

“And Fernando doesn’t need a baby sitter, he is a grown man. It’s not Juan’s Job to watch him”

  
Iker tried to correct him

“Whatever will you help me find him or not?”

  
Pepe brushed it off

 

***

  
Navas and Juan were in one of the many empty living rooms in the Second part of the house having a conversation. They excused themselves after Fernando walked out with Pepe and Iker and decided to go back to their room to finish their conversation but ended up in one of the smaller sitting area.

 

“Also, about my comment last night, I hope you are not offended. I know it’s not my place to tell you want to do so-“

 

Navas cut him off

  
“No you were right; I had to give him a little space. Fernando needs it especially now that we know how Sergio really feels about him. He needs to think about what he really wants without me there to cloud his judgement”

  
If Navas had any doubt that Juan was offended by his suggestion, the way Juan spoke has cleared every speculation and if Juan did feel offended it wasn’t showing.

 

“Oh okay that’s good”

  
Navas jumped right on it

 

“But when I said what I said I like... dint mean that you should abandon him you know. He still needs you sometimes”

  
Navas was confusing Juan because his face said it all

 

“What exactly are you going on about?” 

 

  
“What just happened in there, he was clearly upset when Iker and Pepe were telling him to be careful, it was weird and everyone noticed it? It was also clear he was embarrassed when he walked out why did you not go after him?”

  
Navas was concerned he dint want to be the one causing problems now or be blamed for pushing Juan and Fernando apart, he expected Juan to go after him.

 

It wasn’t easy for him but he had to act cool. Juan had to use every ounce of self control he could muster to stop himself from moving when Fernando was ambushed by the captains he immediately asked Navas to walk with him because he knew the other guys would turn to him for an explanation of what they just witnessed and he wasn’t going to do that.

  
“He clearly said he wanted to have a word with them privately and besides I was going to wait till he was settled in to talk to him anyway. If I had gone after him it would be no different to what Iker and Pepe just did because I would be drawing unnecessary attention to him and he won’t forgive me for that”

  
Navas nods in acknowledgement and Juan smiled at him.

“You don’t have to worry about anything. No one blames you, even Fernando doesn’t blame you”

  
Juan has been with Fernando a long time who is the queen at hiding emotions and what he really meant of felt. So, years of practice made it easy for him t read people, and Navas is pretty easy to read being that he’s been taught in this web from the beginning.

 

They start to talk about random stuff for a couple of minutes. They discuss what the surprise visits might entail and when they might have their first drop in. Also they start to think of people that they think would make that first team that would play on Sunday. They start to discuss the ring again how they can’t believe they almost told Iker and Pepe about it. But now they’ve proved they can’t be trusted they might have to still keep it quiet. But it was obvious Navas was distracted. He was tranquil and unsure but before Juan could ask him what was bothering him he spoke up.

 

“Why dint you stop him that day?”

  
Navas suddenly changed the topic

“What?”

  
Juan looked at him closely trying to figure it out

 

“That day in the bathroom that Fernando was going to hit me why didn’t you stop him? It was obvious I want terrified out of my mind but you just stood there and let him crowd me”

  
Navas asked like he was hurt. They’ve only been hanging out a short while and he knows Juan owes him nothing but he really wants to understand how this friendship thing works because he and Sergio’s relationship is weird.

 

“Because he needed to do that...”

  
Juan spoke like he didn’t care. But hurt was written all over Navas and for some weird reason he felt bad.

 

“I dint mean it like you deserved it or anything nor am I saying you’ve been a saint... I mean Fernando needed to do that. He needed to feel in control of something. His life and everything around him was out of his control. He needed to feel like he was in control for once and he could do whatever he wanted. It might have been a wrong scenario but he really needed to feel in power and I let him have that. But Fernando would never have hurt you because like I said he doesn’t blame you for anything. He might have said some words out of anger but he doesn’t blame you”

  
Navas smiled. He knew Juan used him as bait but now he understood everything he dint care as much

 

“You are a really good friend to Fernando you know, he is very lucky to have you in his life”

  
Navas commends. They both relax for a while and Navas was quick to talk again

 

“By the way did you see how bright and cheerful he looked? he didn’t look like someone that had a rough night. I guess we made the best decision leaving them together”

  
After the phone call from Sergio last night they were expecting Fernando to look like he had a rough night or something. But they got the opposite

 

“Yeah he looked really good and it’s a shame our so called Captains had to ruin that... but I can’t say the same for Sergio. He must have been scared out of his mind after last night, I know. I’ve been there”

  
Juan said to Navas before they were interrupted by Iker and Pepe.

 

“i've been looking for you, Why are you not with Fernando?”

  
Pepe asked immediately directing his attention to Juan

 

“Because am with Navas and Fernando is supposed to be with you”

  
Juan defends

 

“I mean before that... when you let him carry that knife he could have hurt himself and what will follow is something we don’t want to think about”  
Pepe was in Juan’s face

 

“With all due respect Pepe we aren't joined at the hip and you don't expect me to camp out outside him room do you? , also I dint let him carry anything Fernando is not a child, He can take care of himself. And if you know as much as I think you do I’ll like to let you know that you did a bad job at being there for him today”

  
Juan dint shy from putting Pepe in his place.

  
“If you keep trying to pamper him when it’s totally unnecessary and not what he needs he sees right through it and that will only push him away and make him do something even more stupid. So if you are looking for whom to blame, blame your selves”

  
He casually looked at Iker a little upset. He dint expect that from Iker because he knows too much and they were supposed to be in this together to help Sergio and Fernando get through this.

 

It’s like Juan said something wrong because Iker and Pepe froze. They stared at each other and then shook it off but Navas was too observant to let it slide.

  
“What’s going on? Where is Fernando?”

Navas asked somewhat worried and he got Juan s attention

 

“He left”

  
Pepe said under his breath

 

“Left... Where did he go?”

Juan asked them this time

 

“I don’t know he left the premises... he went towards the beach. I think he just wants to clear his head”

  
Iker tried to be positive

 

“You better pray that’s all he wants to do. He dint have a very good night”

  
Juan walked out on them but not before staring Iker down and Navas followed him immediately.

 

***

  
Time flew by really quickly and as it happened, Fernando did not return immediately. They dint want to make a big deal out of it because it would be making the same blunder twice in one day but it was getting really late and no one had heard from him.

The reason they worried was because of the state in which he left them. He was upset and just wanted to get away. He also didn’t say where he was going or how long he was going to be.Iker and Pepe felt guilty because it was their fault that this was happening.

  
Juan was worried, not because he was out late but because Fernando didn’t take his medication in the morning according to Sergio and he had been out all afternoon as well and he hadn’t tried to call to tell him he was okay at least which was unlike him.

  
Sergio was just scared, he dint want anything to happen to Fernando and he dint want this to make him look bad to the team officials. He dint know what was going on but he was very mad at Iker. he saw the drama unravel before his eyes that morning and he was dissapointed in Iker. The captain had tried to speak to the defender on several occasions but he just told him to let him be. That he couldn’t look at him right now.

  
*

  
Everyone had started to retire back to their rooms because it was getting late except for Pepe, Iker, Juan, Navas and Sergio who decided to wait it out. If anything had happened they should be getting the news soon and if he was going to come back on his own he should be doing that right about now.

 

When they heard footstep at the front of the house they all rushed out hoping it was Fernando.

 

 

 

>   
>  **_Fernando had both his hands resting on the shoulders of two strangers who dint look like they were locals as they approached the front door. They were helping Fernando walk it; it was visible that he had hurt his leg but he also looked really drained like he couldn’t walk on his own. When they got closer to the front door one of the two guys started speaking and they all made a mental not that he sounded Australian, he said they are on holiday and were on the beach when they saw Fernando fall and didn’t get up._ **
> 
> **_**He had w** alked in a little deep but not too far too worry but he was unfortunate to have stepped on a sea Urchin. The other guy told the Spaniard that they’ve had previous experiences with sea urchins on countless occasions in Australia and knew exactly what to do. They took care of his foot immediately attending to the spines that were on his foot before his mate ran to a shop on the beach and got some vinegar that they poured on his foot to remove the pedicellariae which is its venomous organ, before the life guard on the beach came over and helped them._ **

“Did he bleed?”

  
Pepe Interrupted the guy and it gained him the biggest eye roll from the group, and more of a confused look from Sergio. He didn’t understand what all the fuss was about but he knew there were things he dint know still but he wasn't going to start asking silly questions.

 

 

 

 

> **_“No”_ **   
>  **_The guys answered him before he continued_**   
>  **_It was only after the life guards had finished with him and he could speak that they recognised him and it explained the way he reacted to the venom when he fell and couldn’t stand on his own, being that he was a professional athlete with strict training regime they just assumed his body would react differently . they just hung out with him till he regained consciousness and could speak, he asked if they could bring him here and they accepted._**

  
The Spanish national team guys looked relieved when they guys gave their own theory of what they thought was wrong with Fernando. This was the last news the press needed.

_“Thank You...Guys so much”_

  
Juan jumped forward and took one of Fernando’s arm and put it over his shoulder, Sergio did the same and grabbed onto Fernando on the other side. Sergio thanked them again before he and Juan carried a limping Fernando inside the cabin leaving Iker and Pepe with the good Samaritans to do damage control so the information about their location or what just happened won’t be leaked to the press.

 

***

  
Fernando was on the couch in the living area with his right foot propped up on a mahogany stool. His foot was swollen like a pumpkin but there was no redness. He just looked sad and occasionally wiped  out of his eyes. They all dint know what to say to him. An urchin sting could be very fatal if it gets infected or something goes wrong or nothing to worry about _but its Fernando, it could mean the end of the world._

 

“Are you okay... does it hurt?”

  
Juan was the first to muster any form of courage to speak.

 

_“No it doesn’t hurt anymore and yes am okay”_

  
Fernando lied. He dint look or sound okay but Juan let him be.

 

“So did they get you to a doctor? Or do we need to call our own?”

  
Iker came again with his captain voice making a comeback. He knew every injury needed to be looked upon by the team medics and its all on him to make the call. Iker’s eyes immediately met with Sergio’s and he knew the look Sergio was giving him. It’s the **_'you can’t do that'_** look. The **_You will ruin everything_** look. The **_'we can handle this'_** look.

 

They were all sort of staring at each other when Navas came back into the room with a sandwich. They dint even notice he was gone. He handed it to Juan instead and sat in the corner.

 

“Thank You”

  
Fernando directed his thanks to Navas showing genuine appreciation

  
“But those guys bought me dinner”

  
He finished before looking back at Iker lazily

 

_“I did see a doctor on the beach but if you want to call medical am not going to stop you maybe they will finally tell me to pack up coz am to messed up for this tournament”_

  
It’s like Fernando didn’t care anymore. He was just saying the first thing that entered his brain with a very defeated tone.

 

“Did they give you any medication?”

  
Sergio changed the topic and also because he was curious as to what Fernando was holding in the bag.

 

“Yeah... they gave me these”

  
He pointed to the bag that was by his affected foot.

 

“A bunch of vinegar spray for the pain and some rash cream in case it gets itchy or there is a rash and some medicine I refused to take because I dint know what was in it”

 

Iker and Juan smiled to each other slightly. They first time Juan dint want to Murder Iker that day. He was being responsible. Fernando really is trying to take care of himself, he might act like he doesn’t care because he is hurt but it is obvious that he cares. He dint know what was in the tablets and he dint take them because he dint want its substance clashing with his own medication.

 

Fernando dint speak to anyone after that even though it was obvious he was holding back something. He just let Juan fetch his own medication which he took and the medication he was given were harmless painkillers which he already had so he took his instead before Juan insisted he took a bit of the sandwich at least before they helped him up to his room.

 

***

They were alone and had fallen into the awful silence again.

  
The wall barricading them from each other was there again and Sergio so desperately want it breached. He hoped that after last night they could find common ground but he feels like they are distant again. He observed from his place on the couch as Fernando had a bath and cleaned himself before getting into bed. He saw how uncomfortable Fernando winced and held his leg every couple of minutes because he was in pain.

 

 _Fernando had pretended and lied to everyone down stairs_. He held it together even though every one of them saw the emotion in his face that he was feeling something inside that was more than just the physical pain of the urchin sting.

 

Sergio tried to pretend like he dint see him but he couldn’t ignore him anymore. Not when Fernando was no longer pretending. Fernando was letting his guard down. He was wincing and crying silently in pain. Sergio picked up his phone from where it lay on the couch and argued with himself against it. If he called Juan now Juan would come and be there for Fernando like he always is. But how about him?, _If he doesn’t show Fernando that he can still be there for him how does he expect Fernando to trust him again?._

 

Sergio stood up and walked to Fernando who had tears all over his face. He was sobbing as he held unto his leg.

  
**_“are you okay?”_ **

  
Sergio knew he wasn’t okay but it was more than just a question about his injury. They understood each other. _That was him reaching out to Fernando and putting himself on the line_. Fernando had the option to shut him out and say _**he’s okay**_ or say _**no**_ and let him in.  
They stare at each other for a while with tears still in Fernando’s eyes from the excruciating pain he was feeling and what was bothering him. He looked into Sergio’s eyes before shaking his head from side to side.

 

**“No...”**

  
Fernando cried out silently and as he said the words. It wasn’t just about the pain anymore. _It was about Sergio and what they share. he was going to give hem another chance._  
Sergio dint rush things, he slowly walked to Fernando and knelt by his bed side and wiped his tears with the back of his hand.

 

“It’s okay...everything is okay... how bad does it hurt?”

  
Sergio asked him

  
“A lot”

  
Fernando replied

 

  
*

  
Couple of minutes later Sergio had Fernando soaking his leg in a tub filled with piping hot water. Fernando winced the whole time but he could feel it getting better slightly. Once Sergio was satisfied that the affected area had been exposed and properly cleaned he helped Fernando back to the room.  
Sergio took a clean towel and wiped Fernando’s foot before moving to apply one of the Vinegar sprays. Fernando didn’t act like he was in pain anymore but he still looked gloom.

 

“feeling better?”

  
Sergio asked him while he rubbed the unaffected part of Fernando’s foot that was swollen to try and keep the blood circulating. He dint want to read into too much but basically he was giving Fernando a foot rub and Fernando didn’t give him a kick.

 

“Yes... thank you.”

  
Fernando answered with a coax voice

 

“I know it’s not my place anymore... and it is not my intention to over step but you look troubled and I really want to be here for you. And I hope you will let me help you if I can”

  
Sergio dint know where he got the courage from but he really dint like how sad Fernando looked. He dint expect Fernando to actually speak to him and was surprised when the striker opened up to him

 

“It’s just... I feel like... like am _cursed_ you know”

  
Fernando wiped a tear that rolled down his face

 

“People go to the beach all the time and nothing happens, but the moment I step my foot there I step on a fucking _urchin_. Four days till our first match”

Fernando looked away from Sergio to breathe and force back the tears that were making his eyes sting

 

“And you know the worst part? People step on urchins all the time and they just stand up and get someone to look at it but I step on these _little bastards_ and I go weak in the knees like my body stopped working. If I was in deep I guess I would have drowned”

  
_It was so said to find out that his immune system was still very weak and the treatment he received hadn’t kicked in yet. He hated being reminded every day that he was sick_

 

**_“I don’t know why these bad things keep happening to me. I try to recover from something bad and before I get on my feet something happens again.”_ **

Fernando broke down

  
“I just feel like am cursed and have been doomed to a life of unhappiness”

 

Sergio’s heart split in two. He hated to see Fernando this way, he hate to see him cry and physically hurt but now he knew how emotionally wounded Fernando was. It breaks his heart that he unknowingly caused or contributed to that. Sergio wanted to give him the good news, maybe just one good news that would change everything but he couldn’t stop feeling like it wasn’t the right time and Fernando might not think of it as good news.

 

“No, you are not cursed. It could have been me or anyone who walked on that part today. It just happened. And you might have felt week because you stepped on more than just one urchin. You are not cursed Fernando you are a blessing. _You are a blessing to me_ ”

  
Sergio felt like he was showing his cards and Fernando might retreat so he reeled it in.

 

“You are a blessing to your family and your friends. I know you haven’t had the best luck in life and the last couple of months but I want you to know that you deserve to be happy because you make a lot of people happy. You bring sunshine into their lives and you make it all have a meaning and **_no amount of sea urchins can take that away from you”_**

  
Fernando laughed suddenly when Sergio mentioned the sea urchins. And wiped a tear off his face but it wasn’t a sad tear. He was smiling.

 

“Thank you...Sergio... thank you _for being here for me_. I know I haven’t been really nice to you lately so thank you”

 

Fernando smiled at him looking cheerful and happy. But he also looked tired. He needed to go to bed. So Sergio stood up from the bed and covered Fernando with the blanket so he can return to his couch

 

 ** _“You don’t have to sleep on the couch if you don’t want to...”_**  
Fernando smiled at him comfortably making him understand that its okay. Maybe not too okay but it was casual okay.

“It’s a big bed; I won’t even know you are here”

  
Sergio couldn’t believe it. Fernando was inviting him to come to the bed. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to everyone for the comments and nice words. its greatly appreciated.


End file.
